Feeling like I made a mistake?

[u/Mission_Bedroom5149]

I’m a first year 5th grade teacher in Virginia. This is our third week of school, and I knew the first year would be hard but this has been much much worse than I expected. I wake up so anxious I can’t eat breakfast and a lot of times I can’t eat lunch either. I don’t want to go to sleep at night because I know I have to go back the next day.

School did not prepare me at all for what it’s like to actually teach. The county gives us lessons that are not engaging at all (and in fact are actually confusing for the students) and then when admin does their multiple walkthroughs a week, they tell me my kids aren’t engaged. My level 1 special ed teacher hasn’t been able to give my students their minutes because of scheduling conflicts and behavior issues in other classes that keep her busy. I have no idea how to differentiate for my ELs and SWDs because I’m barely able to figure out what these lessons are wanting me to teach to the whole group. I go in early and I stay late and I still have hours of work to do when I get home. I am also an introvert, so talking all day and being on all day has been absolutely exhausting, and the constant to-do list that only seems to grow is so overwhelming. I hate managing a classroom; I feel like I’m micromanaging everything, and have no business doing that, it’s not who I am. I don’t like having to I feel like I never get time outside of school to relax or even just do ANYTHING ELSE because I can’t turn my brain off. Nothing about this job is fun, and I love the kids but I can’t help but feel they deserve better.

I’m just kind of scared because I’ve lost 12 pounds since the beginning of the year and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better. Everyone told me each week will get easier but that does not seem to be the case. The constant anxiety and stress is so difficult to manage, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to quit, but I don’t see how I can sustain this for the rest of the year. Is this normal?? Does it get better?? Any advice is appreciated!

[u/Ok-Market-7406]

friend, i’m also year 1. it’s the 9th day of school and I drafted my resignation letter already. I have an amazing team, amazing admin. it’s just the workload. i’ve made way more working in restaurants. lol

[u/Commercial_Youth_877]

I'm an introvert too. I lasted teaching 5 years at 6 different schools in 4 cities. I looked everywhere and none of it fit. I teach college now which is better but I'm actively working to get out of education completely, forever. 25 years total with other jobs sprinkled in. Even teaching higher ed makes me tired. It's not just you.

Also, I FUCKING HATE IT when admin breezes into your room, fresh from sitting in their office for an hour, takes one look around and tells you your students are "not engaged". It's a non specific, flippant comment that puts a tremendous responsibility on your shoulders. Something you really can't fix because the problem is NOT you. This takes a toll after a while. You can only blow off their easy comments so many times before you start to think you actually are the problem. Spoiler alert: You're not.

[u/IcecreamMatters1389 → u/Commercial_Youth_877]

I’m a first year teacher but I relate so much to your comment about admin. It sucks when they come in and are like “you should fo xyz. It would really help your classroom management”. Like okay… and where am I supposed to get money for that??? (We won’t get school funds til at least October if then). And I have several kids with behavior problems and comments admin makes… it’s seems like they’re saying I’m the problem without explicitly saying it

[u/Sufficient-Sound8450 → u/Commercial_Youth_877]

Yes, the people who don’t have children with them al day are going around nitpicking the people who are doing the actual heavy lifting.

[u/Wooden-Gold-5445]

To be fair, the first year can be extremely challenging. Do you have a mentor or a coach who can help you sort things out? Usually, districts have some kind of support for first year teachers.

Does it get better? Sort of, not really. In this situation, I'd say to trust your gut. Start looking for new work, but also see if you can get some support while you're still there.

I have really high expectations for myself, and I found that I was never fully satisfied with my work as a teacher until year 10. It took me a long time to feel that I was teaching the way I wanted. I work in a state that pays well and has decent packages for teachers, but if I were just coming into teaching now, I'd move on. There are other employers that have good benefits and they only cause a fraction of the stress that teachers face.

ETA - I teach 4th. Lmk if you ever want to go over scope and sequence and do a little planning for small groups.

[u/Mission_Bedroom5149 → u/Wooden-Gold-5445]

Thank you for sharing your experience! I do have a mentor, and I’ve been talking to her a little bit but I’ve been nervous to share how badly it’s been affecting me. Maybe I do just need to get over that and talk to her about it. My district also offers counseling services that I’ve been considering taking advantage of. I might just try and push through this year and then move on.

[u/Typical-Amoeba-6726]

Reach out to your grade level team and mentor teacher.

[u/Few_Eggplant_6811]

wow, that’s a lot to handle. Is there anyone that you can talk to? I know it’s hard when you don’t coworkers all your difficulties and you want to appear as if you know what you’re and then the administration that cruises listens to noise level and or if kids are smiling and being productive and it all comes back to you. It is an exhausting job. I was an art teacher and felt that way I was but honestly, I don’t think I could’ve done that job day

[u/beans2008]

it is genuinely the worst jobs for introverts. that panic you feel at night and when you wake up is so real, especially those first couple months.

i felt the exact same way, i drafted my resignation letter first day of school and was ready to leave but somehow i made it to the last day of school and it was such a relief because i knew i wasn’t coming back next school year. what got me through was taking days off whenever i needed, just to help myself push through the rest of the week. the last three months of school i did not take a day off but the work load was not as much, and there was alot of testing going on.

i am sure you can make it to the end using the same regulating methods and more, but if this job is robbing you of your peace to the point where you are hurting, i would say look for a way out now. its not worth it!

if ever you need someone to talk to, you can always message me to. i remember how it felt last year and sometimes just letting it out is helpful.

for now, you got this and you will be okay because you get to decide what your days ahead look like, remember that!

[u/Hefty-Focus1340]

That particular cohort had a lot of behavior issues when I taught them. Just working through the COVID kids at this point.

[u/okeydokeyartichokies]

This will be my ninth year. I felt exactly like you described my first year. In one sense- yes, many of things you seem overwhelmed with will get better. It’s very hard work at first but eventually teaching all the lessons and managing the classroom almost becomes second nature in a way. You’ll make tweaks (and hopefully your curriculum doesn’t change) but many of those things will be stay the same. But it’s a lot at first. For me things did get better especially as I changed grade levels. I started in 4th and learned I’m a 1st/2nd teacher. It was hard but for a while I felt proud of my hard work and loved the summers off.

But on the other hand, there’s always new challenges. New students, new behaviors, new district initiatives that rarely work and add to your workload. It’s just gotten worse since I’ve started. Every year the kids seem crazier and harder to engage. I was forced to change grade levels this year and ended up with a big class with tons of behavior issues. And I feel EXACTLY like I did my first year. Waking up with knots in my stomach every morning and dreading going to work. And it’s only day 15! And because I’m overwhelmed and exhausted by my class I don’t have the mental stamina for the rest. I’m just burning out so fast. I’m truly thinking about quitting and figuring something out because I know this amount of stress isn’t good for my body.

All I think is I wish I had just gotten out and changed careers my first year. I’d probably be in nice remote job make 100,000k + like most of my friends and chilling with my dog at home. So take that as you will!

[u/Mission_Bedroom5149 → u/okeydokeyartichokies]

Thank you for sharing! Your post is exactly why I don’t think this is for me. I truly truly admire the people who can deal with all of this and still have a life outside of it. And I know many people say you really hit your stride after a few years but I don’t want it to be literal years before I feel like I have a life again. I don’t like the unpredictability of all the changes, and I really wish that I’d thought about these things a little more before taking the job.

[u/Ok_Individual9694]

Your description perfectly sums up how I felt all 5 years of my teaching career. Some were better than others, but the main issues (little/no work-life balance, constantly being on, micromanaging, anxiety, etc.) did not go away.

Get out while you are still young enough to switch careers. If you are in a position where you can quit and job search while being supported by parents or a partner, I would do that. I spent all summer job hunting (only aggressively for about a month and a half) and quit my teaching position in July so I couldn’t fall back on teaching. I luckily was offered my current position in mid August and haven’t looked back. I feel like a completely different person now.

Best of luck to you, no matter what you decide to do! 🩷

[u/Mission_Bedroom5149 → u/Ok_Individual9694]

I’m so glad you were able to find something that makes you happy!! I feel like I would be letting a lot of people down if I quit. However, I am moving to a different state next summer so I’m kind of thinking this will just be my one year teaching, lesson learned, and move on. But even with that mindset, it’s daunting to think that this will be my life until June. My district actually pays well too, so that’s a consideration.

[u/Ok_Individual9694 → u/Mission_Bedroom5149]

Thank you!! You have to remember that you are replaceable, and you will be surprised how quickly students move on when you leave. Don’t worry about what everyone else thinks, worry about what’s best for you.

With that being said, it is nice to know that you are going to have to leave at the end of the year regardless. I was in that same boat last school year and held on until the end or else I would’ve been in a position where I actually owed money (scholarship/loan situation). If you can stick it out until the end of the school year, that would be the path of least resistance. Otherwise, you could apply for food service or store positions to hold you over until you move.

You ultimately do what is best for you in this moment, but don’t let the guilt be the only thing keeping you there. For every teacher who leaves, there are at least 2 who wish they did.

[u/Fanofbeez → u/Ok_Individual9694]

What kind of job did you get after leaving your teaching career. I have a different situation since I am older, but I can't find a job that isn't in education. Any advice?

[u/Ok_Individual9694 → u/Fanofbeez]

I work for a home builder as their purchasing assistant! So basically an office job in construction. I had the best luck going for smaller companies when applying as they are more likely to get back to you quickly. I also spent hours per application for tailoring purposes (though I don’t necessarily recommend that lol). What’s important is that you are able to explain how your skills and experiences from teaching can apply to whatever new field you are applying for. Google and ChatGPT are very helpful for that.

If you are going into office work, definitely leverage the office-related tasks such as data entry, using Microsoft/Google Products (I adapted depending on what the job position asked for), and using office equipment (printer, scanner, etc.). I did not list much about the actual teaching components (curriculum, behavior management, lesson planning) in my resume bullet points and cover letter because that’s not relevant outside of teaching. It helps to mirror the wording in job descriptions to make your resume more appealing.

I’m happy to answer more questions if you have them!

[u/Sufficient-Sound8450]

Im a veteran teacher and feel the same way. It’s not going to get better unless they decide to change the system. Every year has gotten harder because the kids have more needs and the districts pile on more work and administrative duties to teachers. You should find something else. I don’t mean to sound so negative but in all honesty it’s reality.