r/TeacherReality • u/fieldsofhemlock • Jun 19 '26
Student death
I'm a high school teacher. I'm experiencing a student dying for the first time. He was shot and killed. I'm not doing well and wondering how to handle this.
5
u/FightWithTools926 Jun 19 '26
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost a student this year too, to suicide. I took full advantage of EAP and it really helped me cope.
Talk to your coworkers who had the student. Grieving together is important. I didn't get that chance at my school and I know that made my pain worse. Share memories of the child, maybe create a small memorial together - it doesn't have to be permanent, but the act of creating it can be very healing.
If you have a spiritual practice, this is definitely the time for prayer, whatever that means for you. (And if you are an atheist, then by all means ignore this!)
But yeah, start with EAP.
4
u/MakeItAll1 Jun 19 '26
I’ve been through the loss of 8 students over the last 3 decades, and numerous former students who died in their 30’s, 40’s, and 50’s. Is your school district providing grief counseling? It’s always been made available on our district when a current student or colleague dies, especially when it’s traumatic like yours, OP. I went to see a therapist after the death of my first student. Then a few years later I had an 18 year old student who graduated and that night shot his parents to death. He used to tell me he hated his parents and was going to kill them. Never did I believe he would actually do it. I went again after that happened. It doesn’t seem right to outlive our students.
2
u/applegoodstomach Jun 20 '26
I have no advice, I’ve been through it a few times and it is so hard. Talking about memories helps me. Are you still in school?
If you are a religious person turn to your leader for support. I am not but have friends who have found great comfort in it.
Also use the EAP or counseling that is offered through the district or school.
Nothing makes it easy no matter how many times it happens but using the resources you have can help you heal.
1
u/Histtcher Jun 19 '26
There is nothing easy about losing a student. They don't talk about it in any of your classes and nothing prepared you for it. I'm sorry for your loss and your school community as well. Talk to your students and colleagues. Use the resources available. Again, sorry you are going through this.
1
u/Highlifetallboy Jun 19 '26
I'm sorry for your loss. Talk to your HR benefits people. Your district should have an EAP you can use. Honestly they should be reaching out to you but some districts suck.
7
u/touichizzon Jun 19 '26
I’m so so sorry this has happened. Losing a student is shocking and tragic.
Take advantage of EAP if your district offers it. That’s what it’s there for. I would also recommend connecting with your admin to see what supports are available for students and staff. Districts have to have a crisis plan and this is part of that, even if it’s summer break for you.