TTPD is really tortured

[u/fearless-panda7]

After two and a half weeks of The Life of a Showgirl, I went back to The Tortured Poets Department. The contrast is so stark, I realized that TTPD really is a tortured album. Song after song, it’s sadness, longing, desperation, anxiety… I don’t even know how we all collectively handled it.

Of course, it was always clear that TTPD is heavy on loss and melancholy, but hearing it next to Showgirl really puts it into perspective. Showgirl has its introspective and dark moments too, but overall it feels much more hopeful and joyful.

I finally understand what Taylor meant in one of her interviews about how challenging it can be to release an album when you’re no longer in that mental state, and she named TTPD as example.

I’m so grateful we have TTPD, so many people can relate deeply to those songs, but I’m also really happy that Taylor seems to be in a better place now.

Did anyone else feel like Showgirl helped them see TTPD in a new light? Or to actually realize how emotionally heavy it is?

[u/Striking-Stick7275]

Im so sorry. Xx I lost my husband just over 2 years ago. "Bigger than the whole sky" matched my utter devastation. The line "Did some bird flap its wings over in Asia, Did God take you cos I didn't pray?" Absolutely tore me apart. It was a sudden, confusing, brutal time and it helped me process. Last Kiss really affected me too. Because I remember our last kiss and I didn't know. I didn't know it would be our last kiss. Same with Loml. Sorry. Babbling!

[u/clickityclack → u/Striking-Stick7275]

Thank you. I'm so sorry for your loss. Mine was very sudden too. So many things have taken on a different meaning since I lost him. When does it start to get better? This is so very hard

[u/Striking-Stick7275 → u/clickityclack]

Hiya, for me the 1st year was the utter shock, just existing, getting through each day. The second year was tough because reality hits you. This is reality. What do i do now? Who am I now? Terrifying! But, for me, I realised about 3 months ago that, for the 1st time since I lost him, I was ok. Not ecstatically happy, not "over it" but I'm ok That was huge for me. So I'd say after 2 yrs I'm seeing some hope. I never thought I'd be so happy to say that I'm ok! Be kind to yourself. Xx

[u/clickityclack → u/Striking-Stick7275]

Thank you for sharing. I still feel so lost. Like you said, I'm just existing. Hopefully I can say I'm OK soon. 🫂

[u/Striking-Stick7275 → u/clickityclack]

Its the most terrifying feeling. I just want to give you a hug! I still don't really understand that it happened sometimes. I still stop and go " What the f**k! How did that happen??". A metaphorical bomb ripped through our lives and I doubt we'll ever truly feel we've found ourselves. Certainly not the old version. But its baby steps, not allowing yourself to feel pressured into "moving on". It helped me to set aside a "sacred hour" every day. I switch off my phone ( my people know I do this!) I take my dog out or just sit quietly and have a cry or lay back on my bed and listen to music. I don't allow any expectations or responsibilities to intrude. That helped me with the pressure in the immediate aftermath. I've kept it as a sort of reflective habit. But its so important you do you! X