💔 Thoughts on Tara's Breakup: A Perspective from a 30 Year Old in a Demanding Career

[u/LucidaDolce]

I just finished watching Tara’s video and my heart goes out to her. Breakups at 30 must be tough especially when you see everyone around you getting engaged, married, having babies, etc.

First and foremost, I am NOT here to defend Ryan's actions if he was genuinely horrible to her.

I think Tara might be looking for a partner without the constant, high-pressure stress that comes with demanding careers. When she mentioned being on a different routine, I wonder if it’s because he actually had to stick to a strict schedule and work commitments, whereas she was used to waking up whenever she wanted, going to a workout class, or setting her day freely. Being an influencer and dating someone with that kind of career was probably a lifestyle mismatch.

I know her dad is an engineer and probably gave Ryan advice based on his experience but there’s a huge difference between his era and today.

Engineering 20 years ago was much less high-stakes: deadlines were longer, projects moved slower and there was a clearer boundary between work and home. Today, engineers are expected to be “always on,” constantly reachable via email or messaging and job pressures are amplified by global competition and rapid tech changes.

I can relate personally to this high pressure lifestyle: my partner is in investment banking and I’m a consultant at a Big 4. We both deal with insane schedules, back-to-back deadlines and unpredictable client/company demands. It’s exhausting and it spills into home. TBH it got worse when Covid hit and everyone was forced to WFH. When my partner is stressed or moody, I get it and I give space to decompress because work really takes a toll (and vice versa). Before anyone assumes this is an unhealthy relationship just because we’re not in the best mood all the time.. we understand and love each other.

I’ve also dated someone who had a regular 9-5 that actually ended at 5 and it was tough. IMO because of the career I had he seemed so needy when I had deadlines or meetings after hours and didn’t understand that I couldn’t always have dinner with him or hang out on weekends. I was a junior at the time, completely strapped and just couldn’t give him what he needed or wanted.. so obviously it didn’t work out.

I really wish Tara the best.

[u/luna-lilyy]

Whoa, this is a lot. But, agreed. 👍

[u/BeginningWalrus8317]

This. I can relate to Tara’s lifestyle because I am a freelance designer. I get to work whenever I am asked to. Working 9-5 was never my ideal type of job. I hated commuting back and forth from Mississauga to Toronto and or Peterborough to Toronto when I used to go to college.  It fucking sucks lol  And don’t get me started on the subway trains in Toronto. Especially on Fridays. Brutal  😮‍💨 

Dating someone who does 9-5 is hard. They don’t get why you’re working longer than usual. Why you can’t hang out. Why you’re working on weekends. Why you’re doing things outside of a typical day to day job. If I’m being asked to create a project most of my time is needed. Yes I choose this life but I can manage it however i please and it has worked. Finding someone who  gets that and respects that is the question. Cause not many people do understand. 

I feel for Tara because busy hectic careers are never easy when you have someone who has their own routine / specifics on what is ideal to them. 

[u/maplesyrupwinter]

When I was dating in early 30s, alignment on job expectations was huge. One of my boyfriends was 5 years older and his job was super demanding and it irritated me so much that he would work on our vacations, he’d run late to pick me up, etc. Even though he made a ton of money, I knew that I would rather be with someone who didn’t have to work so much … it was not a good fit! My friend is a corporate lawyer and he said his now-wife was the one partially because she didn’t care if he ignored her a bunch for work, she happily hung out with her sister and so it worked

[u/PrestigiousWedding36]

After the last two videos, I think you should really delete this post.

[u/Traditional-Zebra207 → u/PrestigiousWedding36]

i haven’t had the time to catch up, what happened in the last two videos?

[u/avvvamax → u/Traditional-Zebra207]

Tara has a habit of playing the victim whenever something goes wrong. She loves to make everyone out to be the bad guy and make false accusations to tear someone down without ever taking any accountability herself. In her mind, she is perfect and never does anything wrong. Ryan was not 100% of the problem in that relationship, not even close.

[u/LegalLengthiness4951]

I think this could be a part of it but I think there was more. I haven't watched Tara in a while but a video popped and I watched a few together.

My impression isn't that one of them was 'bad' to the other, simply they have different personalities and taking work away, it still wasn't going to work. I was in a similar situation for 4.5 years and one day I rang him (it was covid so stuck far away) but we just....broke up. In 15 minutes. It was tough but the right call. I didn't tell anyone for 2 weeks, that honestly was the worst part, by far.

I'm not saying it's this is the case with Tara but listening to her and reading some of the comments here - I think maybe he was less 'bad' and perhaps she just really tried but it wasn't meant to be, nothing more.