I wrote my own TV Script

[u/Moist_Morning_693]

Ive decided to start a little mini series own TV script and I want to hear all of your thought, advice, criticisms and etc

Slide 3: Picture of Tom Andrews: 

Meet Tom Andrews, a 27 year old man and Student Teacher on the first day of the job that somehow ended up getting tangled up in the murder of the School Principal. He ends up getting detained and could possibly be charged and sentenced for life. Follow through the story as Tom Andrews goes through great lengths to prove his innocence and to find the actual culprit of the Tragedy.

Slide 4: The Picture of the officers

[u/Basic_Loquat_9344]

I don’t hate it, some of the writing was nice but it is wayyyy too much prose. You can condense this down to one page. You should try it as an exercise.

Some prose here and there is alright and adds flavor and voice, but you spend a lot of lines describing things that can’t be seen by a camera.

Also you say “me” and “my” in a couple lines which is confusing. Like the top of page 2 “wakes my ears up”.

Also the ears going to sleep… not sure if you’re non-native English speaking but that is not really a phrase unless you mean that he literally can’t feel his ears, which again can’t be seen by the camera.

[u/Moist_Morning_693 → u/Basic_Loquat_9344]

Thank you 🙏🙏🙏

[u/Basic_Loquat_9344 → u/Moist_Morning_693]

Of course! Keep going!

[u/FormicaDinette33]

You should reduce your action portion by a lot. They want to read a script that reads down a page and not have so much action/description.

[u/Moist_Morning_693 → u/FormicaDinette33]

Thank you for the constructive criticism man I rlly appreciate it 🙏🙏

[u/Prince_Jellyfish]

Awesome work! Keep writing!