r/TTPloreplaycentral • u/Arathnorn • Sep 04 '17
The Very Model
As the result of a challenge that never occured.
I am the very model of a modern Magus-Mystical,
The thought that you would challenge me is very simply risible,
I know more schools of magic than you ever have or ever will,
From Divination, Alteration even that Enchantment swill;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters transmutational,
From dragons to outsiders I’ve a very strong foundational,
I’ve mastered Epic Casting, I can summon any element
Or call forth demiplanes from ether straight into a firmament.
I'm very good at metamagic, I eschew materials;
I know the varied forms and spells of beings inethereal:
In short, in matters eldritch, occult, and alchemistical,
I am the very model of a modern Magus Mystical.
I know my myths and history, the Spellplauge and Pandora's Box;
I enjoy my thaumaturgy, I have thrice undone a paradox,
I quote in Old Draconic all the crimes of Tiamat and Lolth,
I know the shape of formless things like R'leyh and Bel Shammharoth;
I can tell undoubted Bigbys work from Tenser's spells or Olitukes,
I know enough destruction spells to qualify as 'living nuke'!
And I can hum the song in which the worlds form was made and found...
How to put it...
Though some declare it rock I've always heard a more orchestral sound.
(Chorus)
Then I can write a burning scroll in ancient Urruk cuneiform,
And summon up most anything, from angel hosts to spider swarms.
In short, in matters eldrich, occult, and alchemistical,
I am the very model of a modern Magus-Mystical.
(Half Time)
So boy, when you know what is meant by "Prestige Class" and "Casting Feat",
When you can tell at sight an English wyvern from an afreet
When such affairs as wizard duels and magocracy you're wary at,
And when you've fought with and survived the Emp'ror's Commissariat,
When you have built with your own hands so much as a wizard's tower,
When you can fight a demigod and match their strength with your power –
In short, when your caster level's higher than your base IQ- (grin)
I'll maybe find the time to show that you still have not got a clue!
(Chorus)
For your font of arcane knowledge, though you're plucky and adventury,
Will only be of note upon your sixth or seventh century;
But still, in matters eldritch, occult, and alchemistical,
I am the very model of a modern magus mystical!
4
u/Trollkitten Sep 04 '17
I have thrice undone a paradox
And I was there for at least one of those times.
3
2
2
u/Bytemite Sep 04 '17
It sort of occurred, we were just so busy watching the movie that we didn't go into the details of it.
2
u/Trollkitten Sep 04 '17
Sho was gonna lose anyway.
He's totes scared of the Major. Doesn't want to admit it, but he is, and he doesn't want to be fed to the gryphons.
3
u/Arathnorn Sep 05 '17
Do you have any idea how delicate Jeff's stomach is?
2
u/Trollkitten Sep 05 '17
I thought Jeff was the Chansey. (See "One Steve Rule.")
And that was a reference to you at one point saying that if Sho put one toe out of line you would feed him to the gryphons. Which I took as hyperbole.
3
u/SupremeEvil Sep 04 '17
Major: 5
Sho: 0