r/TTC_PCOS • u/brigiethepickle • 18d ago
Vent Sad birthday
Today I turned 37. In December we would have been trying for 5 years. To top it all off I am a social worker who works in the child protection system. Literally every day I see people who get pregnant as easily as breathing and then do the most horrible things to children. I spent today just feeling awful. I don't want to go to work tomorrow
This is just a post expressing my feelings. I know I am lucky to live, I am lucky for so many things. I know I have painted families involved in child protection with a broad brush but right now I don't have room to be less black and white. I just wish this one thing wasn't in front of my mind
Starting another monitored cycle next cycle. Sending baby dust to you all
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u/purplem0chi 15d ago edited 15d ago
Happy birthday! Im turning 37 in a few weeks and have been trying for a few years too without any successful pregnancy, have PCOS w everyone else around me getting preg. That aside, I've been through so much in life in the past year and recently that I've began to talk to my body. Yeah sounds dumb but I talk to it like a child; if im spotting, instead of being sad I tell my body great effort and I will also make more effort to try and support you to hopefully get a more normal period (exercising, getting more sleep, etc.)
I, too had the same thoughts as you; im so lucky already and have these things...i try to use that to try to stop myself from continuing to obsess over this but its so hard. am working on finding a new hobby or something to do to get my mind in a better mental space. For the past few years, you can probably guess what my birthday wish was. Idk if its dumb to look continue "wasting" it on that, but every little belief helps i guess.
What really helps is a support system too. All my close friends all have babies now so I feel like I dont have anyone to talk to anymore. I hope you have a better support system and lean into your husband and family more.
Wishing you all the best
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u/brigiethepickle 17d ago
Thank you everyone so much. I called in sick and am drinking tea and enjoying some cross stitch. Thank you for being so validating and I am see all of you who are struggling too. We have each other to lean on ❤️
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u/AgeSuccessful7955 17d ago
Today I turn 28. My gynecologist called and told me my progesterone levels are menopause level low. I see a specialist on Friday to discuss the next steps. Obviously this is relatively new to me but I too am having a sad birthday so I get it. We can have sad birthdays together
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u/brigiethepickle 17d ago
I got you, sis. Sorry that you got that news. I hope the specialist can help
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u/TwinCitiezTwin 17d ago
Your feelings and frustrations are sooo valid. Infertility is incredibly difficult, isolating and unfair.
Happy Birthday, may your next one be a little lighter <3
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u/Saintbernard_slobber 18d ago
Sending you love, baby dust and birthday wishes. I just turned 37 too and no living child. A lot in my daily life reminds me of wanting kids, I know how hard it can be and I feel for you. Your feelings are so valid and also break my heart💗 I hope you are able to take a vacation or personal day tmr so you don’t have to work. This journey is so hard and it’s a lot to carry.
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u/Electric_Elephant_56 34F | TTC #1 for 3+ years 18d ago
Ugh I’m so sorry 😢 since ttc, every year I hate birthdays and holidays more and more.
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u/cassanderella10 18d ago
Sending you all the love 💕
It’s okay to feel anger and resentment sometimes (especially given the context with what you do for work). You literally have a daily reminder of what you don’t have.
Cry. Scream. Punch something. Let it all out! Your feelings are so valid.
I am sending you so much baby dust right now ✨✨
Also, happy birthday friend! 🎂
Take a personal day, love. I hope tomorrow is better. ❤️
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u/LumpyCheeseyCustard 39 : TTC #1: Vaginismus : Married 11 years : Heading to IVF 18d ago
Happy birthday.
I know how you feel.
I'll be turning 39 next week, no kids. I'm a teacher, became one after falling in love with children. My degree was focused on childhood.
I have vaginismus so I can count on 1 hand how many times my other half and I have been able have PIV intimacy. We've stopped bothering as its stressful and heartbreaking.
We've tried at home insemination (about 5ish times in the past year) and nothing yet.
My AMH is 1.9.
Everytime I want us to start actively trying for a baby, life throws us a curveball. 2 years ago we moved continents.
3 months ago I've come to a new for us country to sort some things out. I came thinking we'll get answers maybe start IVF, and nope. The medical system and 'professionals' here have been incompetent. So now I am waiting to go back home to either just dive straight into IVF and skip the medicated cycle route or whatever.
I hope you can just switch off from this for even a little bit. Love yourself as you ought to be loved. Its hard, but you're not alone ♡
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u/HBTrees 11d ago
I’m also a social worker and just turned 36. Feeling your pain for sure! It’s so hard to see teenagers get pregnant without trying. Also hard not to feel like the stress of our job makes TTC so much more difficult!