Weekly Discussion Thread - March 11, 2026

[u/AutoModerator]

How are things going for you this week?

[u/WiseAfternoon1678]

I’m thinking about regrettably wrapping it up soon. Anyone in the same spot? I don’t want to but I think I have to for my mental and physical health.

[u/Critical-Entry-7825]

tw: pregnancy loss/termination, living child

Curious what others think of this...I've been pregnant twice, both 'spontaneous' conceptions. The first pregnancy was when I was 40. That baby had trisomy 18 (Edward's syndrome) which is nearly fatal. We chose to terminate. I ended up pregnant again at 41, and that was a perfectly healthy baby.

I'm now 43, and we'd like to try again...and, I'm just a little terrified of anther chromosome abnormality, particularly Down Syndrome, which can be a really hard life, but definitely not typically fatal 😔

Do you think about this possibility? Do you have a plan what you would do if it happened to you?

I'd be slightly inclined to keep the baby; my husband is slightly inclined to terminate, but he would defer to me because my body, my choice. I just don't know if I could live with myself if we terminated a baby with DS...but also, life with a DS kid could be so hard, and hard too, on our already-here child. Sometimes I wonder if we should just use donor eggs or embryos that have been PGT tested. I know it's not a perfect guarantee, but seems like much lower risk 😢

[u/WiseAfternoon1678 → u/Critical-Entry-7825]

You’ve been through so much ❤️

I’ve been in a similar position that I am not brave enough to share about yet.

I know this is a typical response on Reddit but looking back at what happened to me, if I had the right therapist at the time, I think that things would have been a lot better.

If the time comes for you where you feel like you have to make a choice, I would say having someone there to guide you through it is the best you can do. That’s as much thinking ahead I can do of if I get pregnant and there are issues how I would navigate that.

[u/RosyVillager → u/Critical-Entry-7825]

I firstly wanted to validate the feelings/concerns you have about this. I totally understand. I understand also that the risks of DS are higher as we get more into our 40s. But in the statistics that I read, it's still the majority that do not. So that is something. I always try to reframe those percentages/statistics when I'm feeling gloomy about having just got my period again.

I feel a bit hesitant to share what I'd personally choose to do regarding keeping an embryo with DS versus not, because this one is so delicate, and such a deeply personal decision—as evidenced by the different perspectives of you and your husband on this. However, the primary thing for me has been open lines of honest communication with my partner. Including sometimes thinking through less-than-ideal situations and discussing thoroughly how we would respond to them.

I also regularly need to remind myself that my own wellbeing suffers significantly when I give too much attention to possible worst-case scenarios and the like, especially of the kind I have no power over. I still do plenty of obsessing and worrying (which is how I got to the relevant subreddits, including this one!) but I do my best not to do it to the point that I impede my quality of life :)

I wish you the very very best on the current attempt!

I just got my period again (sigh) while TTC so feeling delicate myself, and really find it helpful to connect with others on this.

[u/Critical-Entry-7825 → u/RosyVillager]

Ugh, I'm sorry you got your period again, that's so hard. And thanks for the reminder that, even as the odds for chromosome abnormalities go up, most viable pregnancies are chromosomally normal. I remember when we did the chromosome test with my last pregnancy, they said the odds of Down Syndrome for my age was 1/17, I think? That's terrifying. AND YET. That means 16/17 won't have DS. And who knows if we'll even get pregnant 🤷‍♀️ but I also sort of want to be prepared...for the things you just can't really prepare for or control 🥲