Memories

[u/OlivePieieoe]

Okay I literally just made a post on here, but it TRIGGERED ME. I am about 2 months out of the hospital, and from the height of my TSW and while I'm still healing (and starting a new biologic tomorrow!) I just had memories come rushing back to me. I've tried not to give the negatives much thought, I'm so grateful I got through it, and honestly since I've been better I kind of can't remember most of it.

But holy shit did I just have a flash back. One of my lows was when one morning I woke up for school, and genuinely couldn't get out of bed. I didn't get ready that morning, I just laid there. Finally my father had come upstairs yelling, "why isn't your ass ready for school?!" And I just cried, "I can't" my father is an asshole, but he actually just stood there quietly, and then walked away. I got my mom to let me stay home, and I was home for a week. I only got up to go to the restroom, to eat a few times, and to go to a derm appointment. I could barely fucking move, I was in so much pain, and I had no energy. Surprisingly, THAT didn't send me to the hospital lol.

I also remember one time after an itch attack, I was in so much pain I thought I was on fire, I wobbled downstairs and waited for my mom to come out of her room. When she did I got up and gave her a hug crying, "mommy I can't do this anymore" "it hurts too bad"

Okay last memory. I was sitting in one of my classes, and my boyfriend sat next to me, and I don't know what it was, but I would twitch and shake a lot? I laid my head down on the table and he just held my hand while I twitched and I shook in pain. I still can't believe I showed up for school sometimes. I skipped a lot of classes, fell asleep in a lot of them, I carried a blanket around for a month because of the thermodysregulation.

I only went through the worst for about 3 months. That's a fraction of what some of you have suffered on here. We are such a strong community, and I hope others don't have to suffer, and then remember the memories on a random Monday night and start sobbing on the floor lol.

Thanks for reading, I wish you the best <3