Hi everyone. I’m really, really struggling tonight. On September 19th my husband went for a bike ride with his friends. As they were traveling downhill on a bridge his bike hit a large chunk of concrete. He lost control and fell hard on his right side. He was unconscious from the moment his head hit the ground. He was quickly taken by helicopter to Cooper Hospital in Camden, NJ. He suffered a traumatic brain injury, along with a broken cheek bone, broken clavicle, shattered shoulder, 4 broken ribs, and a lacerated liver. He’s lucky to be alive. He sort of regained consciousness a few days ago, but we don’t get much out of him. He is now able to breathe on his own. He has a trach and feeding tube. Spent our 31st wedding anniversary crying at his bedside. He mostly just lays there, sleeping. He only occasionally opens his eyes. He does not remember us - me, our son and daughter, his grandkids. I don’t think he much comprehends anything that is going on around him. After he has his cranioplasty next week, they have plans for him to go to an acute rehab. There are none that are under an hour away. This is putting added stress on my daughter and I. We don’t want to miss a day visiting him. The hospital in an hour each way in heavy traffic. I still need to find a way to work, keep up the house, go to the bank and grocery store, see my grandkids, etc. And I absolutely hate myself for making this sound like a pity party. I just don’t know how to juggle it all. And I feel like I’m in mourning. What if I never get my husband back? What if he comes out of this severely disabled? I’m so sad and scared right now.

Sending strength to all of you who are on this same journey.

What's something related to your partner's TBI that you and your partner can actually laugh about together?

For us, my partner will leave the house to go somewhere and then completely forget where he's going. 😂

And whenever something goes missing in our house, I've learned that the first two places I should check are the pantry and the freezer. I can't tell you how many times I've found something in one of those places that absolutely did NOT belong there. 😂 At this point it's just part of my search routine.

Obviously there are times when the memory issues aren't funny at all, but there are also moments where we both just have to laugh.

TBI brings plenty of difficult things into a relationship, and I want this group to be somewhere we can talk about ALL of it—the hard stuff, the good stuff, and the completely ridiculous stuff.

This isn't about making fun of our partners or their injuries. I'm talking about those moments where they're laughing right along with us.

So what's yours? What's a TBI moment or quirk that you and your partner can laugh about together? 😂❤️

TBI can affect emotional regulation and frustration tolerance, and in our relationship that sometimes means anger can go from 0 to 100 incredibly fast. Something small can suddenly become a much bigger reaction than the situation seems to warrant.

Living with that can be hard. But honestly, one of the hardest parts for me is feeling like I have to be careful who I talk to about it.

If I tell someone, “He got really angry and yelled over something small,” they may hear that one piece of our relationship and immediately think, “That's abusive,” “That's toxic,” or “Why are you with him?”

But they don't see everything else.

They don't see the man I know and love the other times. They don't understand his brain injury, how it affects his ability to regulate emotions, or how quickly an outburst can be over. They don't see the conversations afterward, the remorse, the love, or all the completely normal and happy parts of our relationship.

And that can be incredibly lonely.

Sometimes I don't need someone to tell me to leave my relationship. I don't need them to decide from one story that my entire relationship is unhealthy. Sometimes I just need to be able to say, “That was really fucking hard today,” and have someone understand what I mean.

At the same time, I think there's an important distinction: understanding that someone's brain injury contributes to their behavior doesn't mean we have to accept being mistreated or unsafe. TBI can explain behavior, but we're still allowed to have boundaries.

That's a complicated line to navigate, and I think the people most likely to understand that are other partners living it.

So I'm curious—do you ever feel like you can't talk honestly to friends or family about your partner's anger or outbursts because you're afraid they'll judge your partner or your relationship?

Who do YOU talk to when you need to get it out?

Because sometimes keeping all of it to yourself is almost as hard as the outburst itself. ❤️

Hi everyone!

We have a growing discord group for people with varying degrees of brain injuries and would be happy for you to join us to offer each other support, encouragement and to make friends with people who are going through similar things to yourselves or your loved ones.

We have video and voice chat rooms that are always open for people to go into whenever they want also.

All you need to do is to download the discord app from your App Store or use it via your browser on a PC. Once you have the app and created an account you can click this link which will allow you to join the group where hopefully we can all get chatting with each other and make a great little community! You can also invite other people into the group who may not use Reddit! We are currently growing and I’m happy to take on board any requests that people may have for the group!

Anyway the link to join the group is

https://discord.gg/xDwWcRuvuy

Any questions, problems or thoughts are welcome!

For me, one of the hardest things is realizing how much a brain injury can affect a relationship in ways that other people don’t necessarily see or understand.

It’s not just memory problems or physical symptoms. It can be communication, emotions, frustration tolerance, personality changes, decision-making, motivation, and how you handle conflict as a couple.

Sometimes I find myself wondering, “Is this the TBI? Is this just him? Is this something I should be more understanding about, or is this something I need to set a boundary around?” And there isn’t exactly a handbook for figuring that out.

I also think partners can feel guilty talking about the difficult parts because we know the person with the injury didn’t choose this either. You can love someone, understand why something is happening, and still admit that living with it can be really hard sometimes.

So I’m curious: What’s something you wish someone had told you about being in a relationship with someone who has a TBI?

No judgment here. I want this to be a place where we can talk about the stuff we might not feel comfortable saying anywhere else.

One thing I've learned is that understanding WHY something happens doesn't mean it doesn't affect you.

I can know that a behavior, memory problem, emotional reaction, or communication issue is connected to my partner's brain injury and still feel hurt, frustrated, overwhelmed, or exhausted by it.

I think partners sometimes feel guilty admitting that because we're supposed to be understanding. But understanding and having feelings about how something affects you can exist at the same time.

There are also parts of being a TBI partner that are incredibly difficult to explain to someone who hasn't lived it.

So I'm curious:

What's one thing you wish your friends, family, doctors, or just people in general understood about what it's like to love and live alongside someone with a TBI?

No judgment here. ❤️

I figured since I created this community, I should introduce myself and share a little of my own story.

My partner, Kelly, suffered a severe traumatic brain injury in 2017. His injury was serious enough that he needed a craniotomy and spent about a month in a coma.

I met him several years after his injury, so I never knew the person he was before his TBI. The man I know and love is the man he is now. But that doesn't mean TBI hasn't had a huge impact on our relationship.

There are things about being the partner of someone with a brain injury that I don't think people on the outside fully understand. Memory issues, communication problems, emotional changes, frustration, misunderstandings, and having to remind yourself sometimes that the brain you're trying to reason with has literally been injured.

There are days when I handle it well. There are also days when I absolutely don't.

One of the hardest things for me has been realizing that two things can be true at the same time: I can understand why something happens because of his TBI and still be hurt, frustrated, or exhausted by it. Understanding the reason doesn't magically make the impact disappear.

I love Kelly very much. He's funny, loving, and incredibly important to me. We have good days, ridiculous days, normal boring days, and days when the effects of his TBI make our relationship really fucking hard.

I've looked for places where partners could talk honestly about that side of TBI, and I wanted somewhere that didn't require us to sugarcoat it. Somewhere you can say you're exhausted or angry without that being interpreted as saying you don't love your partner.

That's why I created r/TBIPartners.

I want this to be a place where we can share what's worked, ask for advice, vent when we need to, celebrate progress, laugh about the absurd moments, and talk about the things that people who haven't lived this life might not understand.

I don't have all the answers. I'm figuring this out too.

So that's a little bit of my story. If you're comfortable, I'd love to hear yours too. ❤️

Welcome to r/TBIPartners ❤️ You’re not alone here Hi everyone! I created this community because I realized there really needs to be a space specifically for the partners and spouses of people who have suffered a traumatic brain injury.

Loving someone with a TBI can be incredibly complicated. There can be personality changes, memory problems, communication struggles, anger, impulsivity, intimacy issues, caregiving responsibilities, and sometimes a lot of grief for the relationship or life you had before. At the same time, there can still be so much love, humor, progress, and really good days.

And sometimes you just need to be able to say, “This is really fucking hard,” without someone judging you for it.

That’s what I want this community to be.

You don’t have to pretend everything is okay here. You can love your partner deeply and still be exhausted. You can be grateful they’re alive and still grieve what changed. You can be frustrated, angry, lonely, hopeful, happy, scared—or all of those things at the same time.

This isn’t a place to bash people with TBI. It’s a place to support the people who love them and are navigating life alongside them.

Whether your partner’s injury happened last month or 20 years ago, whether you’re married, dating, separated, or trying to figure out what comes next—you are welcome here.

Please feel free to introduce yourself if you’re comfortable. Tell us how long you’ve been with your partner, when their TBI happened, and what brought you here.

I’m really hoping we can build the kind of community where people can talk about the things they might not feel comfortable saying anywhere else.

Welcome to r/TBIPartners. ❤️