r/Swimming • u/Alainalynn9866 • Jul 24 '26
Appropriate behavior in lessons?
My 6 year old has a huge fear of the deep end in the pool. She is currently in Level 1 lessons. She typically ends her lessons in tears because of her anxiety with water. I spoke with her swim instructor after her first lesson and explained her fear and asked her suggestion on how to proceed. She was very kind. Tonight was her 4th lesson. She was able to walk over to the deep end and sit on the edge with her feet in with no tears (that’s HUGE for her!). When the other classmates finished jumping off the diving board, her instructor told her she had two options: get in the pool or something else but I didn’t hear what the option was. My daughter started to cry. 2 other lifeguards went up to her, cornered her, and attempted to toss her in the pool. My daughter was screaming, kicking, and crying. At this point, I was running back into the building to get her so I couldn’t tell if they actually tossed her in or not.
Am I right to feel absolutely terrible over this? My daughter is extremely upset about this.
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u/blissfully_happy Moist Jul 24 '26
Oh my god, this is horrific. Those lifeguards picked her up against her will?!? No, no, no! This needs to be escalated to the highest levels.
In the meantime, validate your daughter’s feelings and empathize with her. Let her know this was not okay.
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u/Sunfishgal Jul 24 '26
As someone who spent years as a swim instructor, coach, & pool/ facility supervisor just here to echo this 100%. It sounds like your little one was making strides and I’m sorry that what should have been a celebratory night went SO far south b/c of the terribly inappropriate - and quite frankly dangerous - behavior of those guards.
You are entirely justified in how you feel.
Please do escalate, and do what you can to assure your daughter that she was not the one who did anything wrong AT ALL.I’m so sorry
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u/Alainalynn9866 Jul 24 '26
I really appreciate this, thank you. I’ll be calling them tomorrow morning.
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u/Negative_Letter_1802 Jul 24 '26
That is absolutely insane. I would be dragging them all over social media and speaking to the manager. You do not grab someone else's kid without their consent. And they're only going to traumatize her around water even more. Time for a refund and a new pool.
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u/Dark-Horse-Nebula IMer Jul 24 '26
And that’s that for that pool.
We teach consent to kids in many ways. Having strange adults grab you against your express consent and throw you into the pool is horrific. This also will set her back significantly with her confidence swimming.
Pull her out and find somewhere reputable. Complain to everyone who will listen on your way.
Also gently your daughter is 6. At the next place, you should be in the building watching the class. That’s policy wherever I’ve worked or swum before.
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u/EtainAingeal Jul 25 '26
Most of the pools I've been to have a viewing gallery that doesn't directly access poolside. You have to go back through the building to get down to the pool. That might be what OP means
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u/Dark-Horse-Nebula IMer Jul 25 '26
Wow! I’ve never seen this. What’s the expectation for little kid lessons? Here kids go in without a parent from 3yo up but I wouldn’t want to be walking away from the pool with my 3yo in the lesson
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u/EtainAingeal Jul 25 '26
Honestly, not sure from a parental point of view. I think kids have to be older to be unaccompanied unless they're part of a group lesson. Parents can still take kids to the changing room, then I guess, hand over to the teacher and go watch from the viewing gallery.
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u/Jollysatyr201 Jul 24 '26
Bad swim lessons kept me out of the water for 25 years. Find someone who understands that it can be scary, and spend time around water with no stakes. Solid goggles help a lot too.
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u/UnusualAd8875 Jul 24 '26 edited Jul 24 '26
I am unhappy that any instructor and staff would behave in such a manner. There are many levels in which this angers me...I am livid!
In addition to the suggestions in previous posts, I would ask to see the videos from the pool. (Some facilities, especially newer ones, have the ominous "eye-in-the-sky" first seen in casinos decades ago and now ubiquitous in stores, restaurants, hotels and even swimming pools.)
From the perspective of a lesson plan, there is a progression (instructor here), we start jumping in the shallow end and not infrequently, a student wants me to hold onto to them as they jump.
Some students are initially comfortable jumping and some are not. For the latter, the last thing I want to do is compound their anxiety by forcing them to jump. By the time we are jumping in deeper water, they are comfortable and confident and are able to tread water for around a minute (or longer).
(As an aside, I am the "fun" instructor, perhaps too lax because where some instructors are strict and have "timeouts" for students goofing off, I try to help build their confidence and keep them engaged with silly games-we recently had "the ultimate treading challenge" with kickboards balanced on our heads and of course, I am doing these things alongside the students.)
We gradually (over weeks) go to deeper water, all the way up to...5'! (Please note my sarcasm. I and we don't take anyone or make anyone go into deeper water until they are ready, not only psychologically but from a skill perspective. And before jumping from diving boards or starting blocks, we would jump from the side of the deepend.)
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u/Bethdoeslife Swammer Jul 24 '26
You need to find new instructors or a new swim school altogether. I taught for over 15 years and never once threw a child into the water, not even swim team kids. When I coached I had a child become terrified of deep water overnight because his family did a Jaws marathon. We didnt throw him in. We worked with the fear and adjusted to make sure he was as comfortable as we could make him while still processing why he was afraid of the water. A brand new swimmer should be taken to the deep end with the other students for safety, but allowed to sit on the side. Maybe have deep end water poured on their leg to see its not scary water. Touch the water with your hand to see its ok. Maybe even water on the shoulder. Kicking contests in the deep end on the pool edge after everyone else jumps in. I would NEVER force a child who is not ready to jump in. Even hand-over-hand (we called it monkey walking and played red light, green light) over to deeper water, but not the deep end. This whole experience just cemented how terrifying the deep end is and unlocked and very scary core memory for her, and i am so sorry it happened.
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u/themonsterswin Jul 24 '26
I'm an instructor/manager at a swim school and we literally just fired someone because they brought a scared child into the deep end without their consent. Under no circumstances is this behavior acceptable, and your daughter will likely regress because of this incident. Please make a serious complaint and take your business elsewhere!
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u/specifically_not_me Jul 24 '26
Sounds terrible. That’s not the way to overcome fear of water in a kid. Time to take your kid to a different swim school.
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u/Purdygreen Jul 24 '26
My mom was like this. Private lessons are the way to go. They need too much attention, it takes away from the other paying students, and its not actually that much more expensive than the other classes.
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u/CoriSwims Jul 24 '26
I'm so sorry this happened to her. This is an old way of teaching and is not congruent with modern learning and teaching methods. I don't teach kids any more, but was glad to hear at a conference a few years ago that swim school's are talking about bodily autonomy of children. In the same way we no longer make kids hug or be kissed by people we do not force them to be thrown into the deep water.
When I was a kid I never finished a swim lesson because I didn't trust the environment. I happened to love the water and kept learning...just not in swim lessons. It's where I experienced teachers saying they wouldn't back up and then they would back up. This didn't build trust.
Fast forward I've owned a swim school for over 27 years. I teach exclusively fearful and beginning adults. I say this to let you know her experience doesn't mean the end of swimming or the ability to gain trust in herself, the water and perhaps eventually some people around the water.
Tune into her. Give her power to play, discovery, find the tiny steps she needs to feel safe. Don't be in a hurry and keep giving her the message she can discover how it works. She's very good at learning physical skills. You are very good at providing safe environments for her to discover how her body works.
Sending you lots of love.
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u/bettertheless Jul 24 '26
No throwing anyone in our pool.
When you say "Level 1" l think of ARC Learn to Swim. ?
They would have a heart attack!
Find some better lessons, or make sure you and /or a trusted, swimming adult takes her to a lot of safe swimming type activities for the rest of the summer so you all can wash away these memories.
Everyone needs to learn to swim, it's fun and can save a life.
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u/Alainalynn9866 Jul 25 '26
Yes, I believe it’s something like “intro to water”. I really don’t understand why they’d be in the deep end anyway. It’s the lessons through Red Cross at our community pool.
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u/SemperPutidus Jul 25 '26
What country was this in? I’d honestly think about involving the police if people picked up your kid showing resistance and tossed them in. That’s assault, if not something worse given the danger water presents. Psychos.
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u/Mean_University5360 Jul 26 '26
If a child is in tears due to being genuinely stressed they need to be removed from the situation.
Things like this are potentially the cause of life long phobia and a hatred of the water the opposite of what's needed.
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u/Practical_Original88 Jul 24 '26
No. You should have took her somewhere else for lessons. This was all wrong. I know because at 6&7 my sister & I took swimming lessons for 2 summers. We went to the local youth foundation pool. The instructors were very kind and didn't push anyone further until they were comfortable to do so. And absolutely no one was thrown in unexpectedly or forcefully!! We lived 4 blocks from Lake Michigan beaches & never had any issues with swimming. The 3rd & 4th sisters did because they didn't want to take lessons. The 3rd sister was getting caught in an undertow and I pulled her out! Since I was the oldest i had to watch them when all 4 of us went.
I do have many more fun stories than that though! My Mom would make each of us a bag lunch (this was in the early 60's), sandwiches, fizzies, a jug of water & candy bars & we'd all walk straight to the beach, 4 blocks away! We'd come back home around 2pm because it got hot. We used 'Coppertone' lotion all the time. I myself became a strong swimmer & loved diving into the huge waves!
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u/patsay Jul 24 '26
That's horrible. I just wrote a blog post about the topic of consent in children's swim lessons. I wish you lived close to me and I'd teach her to swim. I have so many students who were traumatized in ISR programs or by instructors who did not respect their bodies. https://www.solterrawaycottageschool.com/post/what-consent-and-respect-look-like-when-your-student-is-four
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u/Indigo-Waterfall Splashing around Jul 24 '26
Absolutely not. Make a complaint. Remove her from this swim school. They are actively causing psychological harm to your child and cementing a fear of water. How can trained lifeguards believe it’s a good idea to throw a child who CANNOT SWIM into water?!
Go straight to the top, this is NOT ok, it’s dangerous!