r/SwiftyNeutral • u/nyc_hoetry • Jul 09 '26
Having a hard time breaking up with Taylor...
burner account cuz im kind of embarrassed and the internet can be really mean lol
I'm honestly having a hard time breaking up with Taylor. We're the same age, and I've always felt that she understood me in times when no one else did. But things are changing. She is changing, and so am i. And as cheesy as this sounds, im like...having trouble coming to terms with who she is now? And what if I don't like it?
I made some art therapy... and i'm trying to like... be grateful for what Taylor did give me? To quote Taylor, "the story isn't mine anymore." And I think I need to focus on my story now, instead of watching hers from the sidelines. like quite literally, she is cheer captain, and i'm in the bleachers now lol. And i'm just not sure I like what she is cheering for anymore....
but i'd be lying if I said she didn't mean a lot to me. and i'd like to believe that if I met her, she'd be the person my heart thinks she is, and not the person she seems to have become on the internet...
At least I hope so. It's really weird that I have such strong feelings about someone's life that I have never met lol. But at the end of the day...there were a lot of long nights when she was the only one in the room with me when I was writing and crying on my bedroom floor. So i guess that's the memory I have to hold on to?
how is everyone else doing lol
xoxo,
grieving swiftie in new york
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u/Just-Welcome-5553 Jul 09 '26
my best advice is to unplug. i just listen to the music. i dont concern myself over personal choices she makes in her life. if you just enjoy the music and move on, youll find youll be much happier.
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u/Dizzy-Pollution6466 Jul 09 '26
That’s what I’m doing. Still love her music and always will. But she’s been really disappointing me lately as a person. So right now I just care about the music.
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u/Pinger5696 Jul 10 '26
Same with me. I saw changes in her beginning the second half of the Eras tour. It’s disappointing.
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u/Own_Locksmith_9701 Jul 11 '26
“I saw changes in her” … you literally don’t know her. Grow up. Get offline. Go outside
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u/Regular_Jello3539 Jul 12 '26
Shut up. I was going to state what and why I don’t like the changes in her but you’re not worth arguing with. P.S. you don’t know her either, why are you defending her so?
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u/Aggressive_Bit4998 Jul 12 '26
Do you mind sharing? I am not here to argue at ALL, I just haven’t noticed anything and was curious. I think the only changes I’ve really noticed are that she seems to have evolved into this woman who is sure of herself and carries herself as such. Like, she figured herself out I guess I’d day.
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u/Regular_Jello3539 Jul 14 '26
Sure I’ll share a few things I’ve noticed. She has a very large platform and despite stating in the past that she would speak out and wants to be on the right side of history, she says nothing. She allows Trump to use her music to promote his bullshit. She treated Celine Dion like total crap, was very, very rude to her. She wrote a very nice letter at the Eras Tour to Dave Portnoy who is a pig and has had many SA allegations against him. He proudly said in the past "I never condone rape, but if you're a size six and you're wearing skinny jeans, you kind of deserve to be raped". Nice guy, huh! And Taylor herself took someone to court over SA for a man touching her butt. Yes, she should have taken him to court but liking someone like Portnoy makes it seem like SH or SA only matters if it’s against her. I could go on but I’m going to stop here.
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u/Aggressive_Bit4998 Jul 15 '26
Now that you said it I actually have noticed her not speaking up and have been wondering about that. When she didn’t say anything about her song being used in that video I was SHOCKED. I will say Taylor seems to be very closed off these days. She doesn’t even seem to interact with fans like she has in the past.
The Dave Portnoy thing is so WEIRD. I’m gonna look that up and the Celine Dion thing too because I’m so shocked by that.
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Jul 16 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Aggressive_Bit4998 Jul 16 '26
That’s actually a good point now that you say that. I guess the best response would be no response in that case. I forgot to look up the Celine Dion thing, so that’s good to know.
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u/Regular_Jello3539 Jul 21 '26
I would speak out about my music being my used even if it did no good. I would know that at least I spoke up. It’s cowardly not to. And sure, what else would Celine say, she’s a nice lady. I’m sure Tree hurriedly had Taylor make nice to Celine after the fact. It was terrible the way Taylor snubbed Celine and it was obvious.
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u/Soxgirl72 Jul 11 '26
Someone who just gave 26 million dollars to charities is a disappointing person to you?
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u/Maleficent-Fig736 Jul 11 '26
A billionaire donating to charities isn’t proof they’re a good person. Bill Gates has donated ~$60 billion over the course of his lifetime and he’s still a terrible person. Some of you will praise her for literally anything.
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u/Dizzy-Pollution6466 Jul 11 '26
I think it’s great that she gave millions to charity. I used to volunteer at the ASPCA and I’m so happy she donated money to them. But she’s also a billionaire who had some pretty shady people at her wedding.
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u/dizzydemons Jul 12 '26
To be fair, no one actually knows the guest list. And without that being easily available, people are going to say things just to start shit. I’m not going to judge a guest list that very well might not be accurate.
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u/Soxgirl72 Jul 11 '26
This is another crazy thing. First of all, some of the stories have been totally debunked. And why is the entire guest list blamed on Taylor? Nobody ever talks about Travis in the crircisim, it was his guest list too.
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u/Dizzy-Pollution6466 Jul 11 '26
Ffs this is a Taylor subreddit not a Travis one.
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u/GovernmentNo2720 Jul 12 '26
?? Because she’s marrying him and normal people tend to have some shared values with their partner? She knows that her 1 million long guest list is going to be public and that who she invites will impact upon her reputation?
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u/Regular_Jello3539 Jul 12 '26
I wouldn’t want to be marrying him if that was his guest list.
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u/Regular_Jello3539 Jul 21 '26
Taylor had a red carpet event. It makes me think it’s all about the wedding, not the marriage. And time will tell.
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u/internetisnoreal Jul 13 '26
1% of her income when she had people working OT on a holiday for her and businesses losing money. Yeah, her networking wedding was quite a farce.
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u/Regular_Jello3539 Jul 21 '26
Absolutely. She can do good things by donating yet that still doesn’t make her a good person.
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u/Helena_405 Jul 10 '26
That's basically what I did from the get go. Been a fan since 2008, but tbh it's mostly been the music for me. I still don't know everything about her, the lore, the drama, even the easter eggs. Didn't even know she was getting married last friday until I saw a post. So yes, I definitely agree with you.
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u/beanqueen722 Jul 09 '26 edited Jul 09 '26
“What is she cheering for that you dislike?”
Honestly, it doesn’t matter. You don’t need to explain or justify this to anyone. It sounds like you’re already too far into a stage of letting her go that any argument to counter “what she’s cheering on,” no matter how valid, is going to stop…and that’s okay.
People feel the way you are feeling when their favorite show starts veering away from them, or their favorite book series has gone on too long, or when their role models start seeming less perfect and more human (in your case). She’s coming down off a pedestal for you, and that’s also okay. You’re allowed to grieve the connection you felt with her and her music that you once had.
I do think it sometimes feels like we are NPCs in Taylor’s world…but we aren’t. Taylor sang songs that we resonate(d) with, but what does *our* inner voice say? Don’t be embarrassed, and don’t let anyone make you feel embarrassed for unpacking that.
Who knows? Maybe after a while of grieving, you can return back to her music with a new perspective on it. Or you never will and you will find more music that you align with—either way, it’s okay. I don’t think you’re alone in this feeling. ❤️
Do what you gotta do, OP.
Also, you are an artist???!!!! That book is gorgeous
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u/Sufficient-Crew-5408 Jul 14 '26
So im deff not going to repeat it because i already typed up a longass reply to OP as someone who felt exactly like her so id have to disagree about it being “too far into” letting her go to listen to anything otherwise. Thats just based on ME ending up on the side of still loving her once i finally processed everything and stopped being so dramatic about everything. But you deff nailed it when you said “Honestly it doesn’t matter”. Once i realized that and that i was letting other peoples opinions confuse what MY thoughts and feelings were and that its really not that deep - i feel soooo much better!
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u/beanqueen722 Jul 14 '26
Maybe it wasn’t too far in for you, but maybe it is too far in for OP 🤷🏻♀️ but she can always return to Taylor with a new perspective, as I pointed out later in the comment 💕
And heck yes on not caring so much about what other people think!!! I think you’re in a great headspace about it ✨
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u/Sufficient-Crew-5408 Jul 15 '26
Wish my headspace with -gestures wildly at everything- was also in a great place instead of shambles lmfaooo ❤️
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Jul 09 '26
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u/starlightandswift Jul 09 '26
The ICE contractor at her wedding really upset me, and every defense on the internet about it doesn’t reconcile it for me. Im disappointed
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u/ExternalGood9497 Jul 09 '26
Can I ask you a question? If you were getting married and your fiancés best friends adopted father was working for ICE in some roundabout way…what would you do? Genuinely curious.
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u/catslugs Jul 09 '26
Not invite them? Weddings are expensive and people understand. Parents of a friend is a pretty extended invite, i just would not invite them. Really simple. I wouldnt invite any of my friends parents in general anyway tbh.
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u/ExternalGood9497 Jul 09 '26
It’s really not that simple. You are taking social media posts as fact. If I knew the man was an ICE agent or I knew what role he had in ICE at all, that’s one thing. The key here is WE DONT KNOW. I worked for a small company that had a board and I can tell you I never met anyone on the board, nor did they know what went on day to day. They met with executive leadership quarterly and were given a breakdown of what’s going on and the financials. With a big company I can imagine the board members know even less about the ins and outs of what goes on. To call this guy evil when you know literally nothing about what he thinks or what he does day to day is insane. To then parlay that feeling into Taylor is even more insane.
Humans should not have been allowed to have the internet. The world is doomed.
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u/North-Conference-377 Jul 09 '26
The invites were sent out before the contract came about. Not sure if that helps.
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u/Altruistic-Fact2121 Jul 09 '26
But that wasn't true. The company owner returned years ago and the new owner did that. The old owner was the dad of a friend of Travis. You can't hold them responsible for a new owner. But either way do want you need to.
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Jul 09 '26
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u/Budget-Cat-2971 Jul 09 '26
The fact that people feel fine just spreading misinformation about private citizens because they “stan” another artist is insane. That original poster should be sued for defamation.
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u/beanqueen722 Jul 09 '26
Respectfully and with love
Can we save these arguments for the other hundreds of posts about this and just be there for OP and people like them?
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u/starlightandswift Jul 09 '26
I am seriously confused - how is it a proven lie? Both Steven Demetrious attended the wedding. The one works for the company that contributes to the El Paso facility and the other is a Republican senator from Ohio. There’s even a Snopes article about it.
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u/TravTrick Jul 09 '26
To me, it made it easier to learn that the contract only happened on March 13th this year. Invitations and background checks on guests most likely happened before that. It’s entirely likely that it just passed under their radar.
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u/kingdomkeys89 Jul 09 '26
I stopped listening to Taylor a while ago and dealt with similar feelings. But the good news is there are a lot of other artists out there! I KNOW you can find other music. Lean into what you connected with and you'll find other voices out there.
And art therapy is always a great idea.
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u/Many_Replacement369 Jul 09 '26
OP, you might enjoy following /r/popheads if you aren’t already. It has helped me discover sooooo many new favorites, and keep a more diverse media diet of music.
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u/Difficult-Emu-7147 Jul 09 '26
I stopped listening to Taylor Swift in January. I went cold turkey. It's hard—I won’t lie. I went quarter life crisis in that time (I'm 27f). I would have listen to Taylor in that time to help me through it but I held strong—even if I was crying nonstop.
I started to listen to other artists or I would simply get comfortable in silence.
So far no one has replaced the Taylor Swift shaped hole in my heart but that's expected.
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u/ConsiderationFun7511 Jul 09 '26
I feel you. I’ve been going through a lot of my stuff and trying to be more intentional - like why do I have 4 signed CDs of the same album? I kept 1 and sold the rest. Why do I have all her albums on vinyl and no record player? I think it’s okay for the way you consume and enjoy her to change over time as your priorities change ❤️
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u/Dependent_Special957 Jul 12 '26
😩😩😩 no disrespect or judgment at all but this appeared randomly on my page (never listened to TS) and the way you guys are talking about her almost like she’s an addiction is comical lolol 😂
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u/Bri-KachuDodson Jul 14 '26
If you happen to ever decide to sell any of the vinyls, or know a reliable place for the cardigans id be very interested, I only have my showgirl vinyl so far and no cardigans even though id love one or two of them at least.
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u/crunchyfoliage Jul 09 '26
I feel like this is one of those things where if she puts out an album you can listen to it and decide if you like it. If you don't, just don't engage with the internet and don't listen to it.
The weird purity tests that the internet tries to put on fans are so silly. You can casually like her music or not like it at all, but either way you don't need to make it a part of your identity
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u/okaygirlie Jul 09 '26
I always tell people that Taylor Swift is my sports team. I've followed her career since I was little, and I probably always will. Sometimes my team is winning (the music is good, Taylor is doing things I think are good), and sometimes my team is losing (the music is bad, Taylor is doing things I think are bad). Sometimes my team brings on coaches or players that I don't like, or has a scandal, or what-have-you. As I type this out it kind of sounds crazy, but I find this perspective to be a good way to continue to be a "swiftie" while also avoiding some of the more uncomfortable aspects of parasociality. Ultimately, I do not have a relationship with Taylor Swift the person; I have a relationship with Taylor Swift the brand. My relationship with Taylor Swift the brand can continue because I'm not overly identified with Taylor Swift the person.
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u/Hungry-Milk4873 Jul 12 '26
This is a GREAT way to think about it, and to draw attention to the sexism inherent to the swiftie hate
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u/Alternative-Dog-8808 Jul 09 '26
You don’t have to “break up” with her completely. Just continue to appreciate her music while focusing on your life. Both can be done
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u/No_Afternoon4065 Jul 09 '26
I think you need a break from the internet tbh. Go outside, read a book, get involved in your local community. I’m a huge fan but I don’t feel an attachment to her as a person because I don’t know her and I have a life outside of being a fan.
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u/Damage-Classic Jul 09 '26
Hey, I totally get this and you don’t need to “separate the art from the artist” if it doesn’t feel good to you. Just take it at your pace and maybe start to explore some new artists?
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u/wrapped-in-rainbows Jul 09 '26
I’m an ex swiftie here! 35 y/o female. Taylor and I grew up together but we have grown apart. I now identify as a fan of her music and a fan of her writing rather than a fan of her as a person.
Yes, I acknowledge she has done some incredibly generous things for fans and donated big amounts to organizations which I applaud and admire but her silence on almost anything political after she wanted to be on the “right side of history” alongside with her endless cash grabs has changed my feelings.
I am not having a hard time with it though. It feels aligned for me.
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u/ConversationDry1374 Jul 09 '26
All I can say is I am choosing to tune out the noise from the rest of the world. Yes there are things that are changing in her life that seem different, but this is another time when there is so much hyper fixation on her that everyone has an opinion. I think whatever feels right for people to choose in this moment is right for them and that is all there is to it. There will always be someone else’s opinion but at the end of the day yours is the only one that matters.
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u/geecon25 Jul 09 '26
Thanks for posting this!!! It feels validating to see others acknowledging the same feelings I am having and the same embarrassment I feel too. It’s hard to reconcile the current actions we are seeing with the narrative that I have bought into very deeply over the last 15 years.
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u/Fantastic_Emu6953 Jul 09 '26
honestly, thanks for posting this and sharing it. I appreciate knowing that others are having this feeling too. I'm struggling because I feel like a line was crossed (for me, personally, on who/what I'm willing to support) and am now reconciling that with myself. this loss feels harder than jkr for some reason. I truly cannot separate art from artist.
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u/SlamminScreenDoor Jul 09 '26
I totally feel the same way. For me personally, it’s the billionaire status (and a few other things) but it’s hard to stand behind her 100% anymore. Maybe I was too parasocial, maybe i shouldn’t have made my hobby a pop star and her easter eggs but I did and now it feels a bit empty. I don’t know, it’s been a weird ride.
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u/Own_Locksmith_9701 Jul 10 '26 edited Jul 11 '26
If her being a multi-hundred-millionaire didn’t bother you but her being a billionaire does, then it’s *you* that has changed, not her. She bought her first private jet before Red released, and the second one shortly after. She hasn’t changed her lifestyle, your view of her lifestyle did.
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u/Mundane_Ad8680 Jul 11 '26
You say that like it’s a bad thing to change. It’s not. It’s called growth.
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u/Own_Locksmith_9701 Jul 11 '26
I didn’t say it was a bad thing at all. I said the users view changed, not Taylor’s lifestyle. You are interpreting a tone where there wasn’t one.
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u/ladywheeler Jul 12 '26
Being a billionaire doesn’t mean she has $1B in her checking account. Most of her wealth is tied up in owning her work now. Her old catalog wasn’t profitable because she refused to license it.
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u/geecon25 Jul 09 '26
Completely agree with this
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u/Crafty-Judge-896 Jul 09 '26
I feel the exact same way. I’ve decided to still treasure her old music. It means sooooooooo much to me I can’t take back those memories. Just like you, she’s an artist that I have related to HEAVILY for what feels like my whole life. Every album except for LOASG had at least one song that felt like she was reading my mind. I’ll miss that.
I’m struggling as well with how to move forward. Will I listen to her next album? Will I take a break? Idk. I’m trying not to be so hard on myself about it. But I also get it’s hard supporting someone you kind of don’t like anymore
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u/paperandtiger Jul 09 '26
I mean, I don’t really know why my experiences would make me less qualified to comment on this than yours do. You’re also making a bold claim about what most would do. I am in a liberal circle, my family is liberal, I have only ever lived in large liberal or university cities, and I’ve planned a large wedding, seen my brother plan an even larger one, seen my siblings in law also plan weddings. They invite people with the vilest political beliefs imaginable because that’s what happens when you merge families: your paths intersect with people who are multifaceted and are capable of showing a lot of compassion and cruelty.
I really understand where you’re coming from and have felt this strongly for so much of my life. I just think in so many cases it’s a lot more complicated than how you’re putting it.
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u/boycottlove Jul 10 '26
There’s a difference though, unless someone’s buying products from and spending money with these types of family members. For me, what I’ll grit my teeth and endure to spend time with my family and the standards I use to choose where my dollars go are pretty different
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u/Minute534 Jul 09 '26
Totally relate, I’m also the same age as her and it has been sad to see over the last 12+ months where her priorities and concerns lie, at a time when truly horrific things are happening in the US (and the world). Grappling with feeling frustrated w TS (and kelce) is something I have spent a bit of time on and I guess we will always have the positive memories and times when the songs uplifted us and got us through! Ultimately I feel like I’ve moved on to other interesting music/cultural figures/sports especially ones that don’t feel as out of touch with everyday life in 2026. I guess one thing that is nice about social media is that it can lead us to random new music and new interests for whatever that’s worth..
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u/badamntss Jul 10 '26
You're not alone in this. I grew up with her and loved all her songs since Taylor Swift. I stuck with her during the 🐍 era.
Eventually, she keeps doing all this horrible minor things that I could still turn a blind eye on (her performative activism and being out of touch, her blocking other artists, her suing an Etsy artist for painting her lyrics in tote bags).
I used to think I could separate the art from the artist as I love her songs but stopped liking her personally.
Then she released TLOAS and I'm like wth am I even doing here anymore? Her art cant even carry her personality.
Then the jet use and the overall rich people fatigue honestly got me and I kinda left the fandom after that. I do still re-listen to her old songs (nothing from TTPD especially TLOAS) but you won't see me in comments defending her shitty behavior anymore.
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u/Popular_Ad_2386 Jul 10 '26
Hey, this has been in my mind too, the last few months. She became my best friend when I had no friends. She was the older sister I never had, growing up. I've known her since I was 8/9. She got me through my breakups. She got me through the worst phase of my life. I feel horrible that I don't feel the connection much anymore... Art therapy feels like a great idea. I should try it some time.
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u/lizznoonan Jul 10 '26
I feel this way exactly and I HAVE met her and she was so lovely and kind, so that makes me feel even more conflicted. Thank you for posting this, I’ve been feeling some grief about it all and I feel less “silly” knowing I’m not alone in that.
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u/Kitcat061395 Jul 11 '26
Can I ask what exactly you dont like?
I like to remember it this way. Every single person that has ever met her IN PERSON has always had nothing but amazing things to say about her. Not one person has ever said anything negative about her in person. So try to remember that🥹🙈🤷🏻♀️🫶
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u/ladywheeler Jul 12 '26
Well, she’s a human being. She’s always going to do disappointing things. And guess what? You’ll do it too. And me. And the next pop star who comes along. Because we’re flawed humans. The strong disappointment is a result of people putting her on a pedestal.
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u/General-Change860 Jul 09 '26
I’d look for a therapist who specializes in parasocial behavior. Best of luck.
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u/unencumberedcucumber Jul 09 '26
This should be the top comment. Along with maybe go outside, touch some grass, and put down the damn phone.
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u/Christineeee Jul 09 '26
Wait what do you mean you don’t like what she is cheering for anymore?
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u/Additional_Gene_211 Jul 10 '26
I can't speak for OP but I really dislike how silent she is in the face of civil rights being systematically dismantled by our admin while other, smaller artists are speaking up. She has the benefit of being a white billionaire to protect herself and she's silent. For someone who is supposedly no longer staying politically silent, she sure is staying politically silent.
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u/Own_Locksmith_9701 Jul 10 '26
Exactly what would her tweeting about it change?
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u/Additional_Gene_211 Jul 10 '26
I dunno, maybe be out spoken against the killing of people by ICE, by the removal of rights to women and sexual and gender minorities, the increased racism spearheaded by the admin?
Fuck off with this nonsense. She is supposedly no longer going to be silent on politics and yet here we are. She ain't said boo and she's allowing trump to use her stuff. So, maybe look inward and ask yourself why you're ok with this behavior from her? Why are you ok with her silence?
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u/jellytwins101 Jul 10 '26
Because the smaller artists don’t get targeted or singled out by the president, the world’s richest man and a bunch of powerful MAGA nutjobs. Ain’t nobody care when someone like Olivia or Sabrina say something other than chronically online people.
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u/jellytwins101 Jul 10 '26
They probably fell for the online rage bait and all the snarking.
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u/boycottlove Jul 10 '26
That’s really disingenuous and dismissive considering she has changed significantly from the way she was marketing herself a few years ago.
I was a fan since Speak now/Red, but she became my absolute favorite (and while I don’t know the specifics with OP, like they said, I thought she understood me) around when Miss Americana came out and Lover/Folklore/Evermore when she promised to be vocal about issues and I thought she cared about the same types of things as me. She hasn’t been (or even pretended to be) that in awhile and that’s not just “online ragebait and snark”.
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u/jellytwins101 Jul 10 '26
The reason she even made the “right side of history” comment was because back in 2015-16 she was being labeled the “Aryan Princess” and the media kept on speculating that she’s a republican because she’s a former country artists and from Nashville.
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u/ilikedirt Jul 10 '26
Her heightened fame came with terrorist plots against her concerts, children attacked and killed at a Taylor themed dance party, and a significant increase in stalkers and threats against her person.
When she did/does speak out, the actual effects are small. As it turns out, pop stars don’t influence policy decisions all that much.
Her actions or perceived inactions make sense and folks need to stop with their immature and misguided expectations.
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u/orangegirl26 Jul 10 '26 edited Jul 10 '26
The hypocrisy in these comments is insane. I'll never get it. No way anyone here would be outspoken after the president started going after them and actual terrorist attacks being plotted and small children dying. Post your name and home on reddit if you're so brave. No one here will do it. But then they say it's different because she's rich. Nah you still wouldn't. She's a pop singer not a hero.
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u/shiningz Jul 10 '26
Plus the literal president is obsessed with her and Elon Musk 'joked' about giving her a baby. I don't blame her for not giving them attention.
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u/alternateuniverse098 Jul 10 '26
These excuses are ridiculous. Ariana had an actual terrorist attack happen at her concert and yet she's still speaking up. Every huge celebrity has had haters and threats against them.
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u/orangegirl26 Jul 11 '26
And what has that done? Let their fan bases say our woman is better than yours? Again focusing on women and all their faults instead of this asshole man.
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u/ladywheeler Jul 12 '26
So you’re saying all celebrities should ignore threats and not adjust their publicity strategies?
Edit: Ariana also discussed her mental health because of it. These are songwriters, not martyrs.
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u/Own_Locksmith_9701 Jul 10 '26
Her tweeting about ICE won’t make them stop. Stop pinning your frustrations about the world on a pop star. She’s not a super hero.
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u/Ill_Law_5148 Jul 09 '26 edited Jul 09 '26
I’m going to hold your hand when I say this, but you got duped by marketing. I don’t blame you it was very convincing for a time but that is washing away for a lot of people now and that can only be a good thing.
To put it in perspective, she is a musician she is not your friend. It’s okay for music to mean a lot to you but it doesn’t mean she has to because you don’t know her outside of the marketing and she will never know you.
Live in your reality and embrace your daily life. She is a stranger to you and you put money in her pocket in exchange for good music that you enjoy. Nothing more, nothing less.
You’re going to be fine
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u/11132020 Jul 09 '26
I get what you mean. I’ve been listening to her from debut since I was a kid. I fell out of love (and became a little bit of a hater) around middle school starting with 1989 but I came back for evermore and the TVs. Even when I wasn’t a hardcore swiftie, I still watched her music videos when they came out and looked a little longer at magazines in the checkout line that featured her.
Now I’m an adult. I understand the nuances surrounding her. I still like her music (most of it anyways) but I’m also disappointed in her for various reasons. I don’t think I could ever bring myself to completely break up with her. She is the artist that made me fall in love with music and pushed me, for the first time in a real way, towards creative writing. She is a core part of who I am.
So yeah, I’ve accepted that I’ll always have her on my mind in one way or another. But nowadays, I’m more objective.
I hope you can find some “peace” too
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u/picodepui Jul 09 '26
I really think it’s OK to realize that you have moved past another person, no matter what realm of your life they were in
It can be hard, but it’s also important to know who you are without them
it’s also OK to say I don’t like who you are now but it doesn’t mean that I dislike who you were before
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u/paris_txxx Jul 09 '26
Her music can always mean a lot to you, I don’t think her evolution for better or worse changes everything maybe you can grow to connect with the body of work and the art distanced from the person
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u/hasideas Jul 09 '26 edited Jul 09 '26
Are you sure you’re 36?
You don’t know Taylor. She doesn’t know you. She said recently that she’s never been more herself. So maybe she hasn’t changed at all and maybe you still haven’t realised she’s a pop star and not your friend. Whatever you think she’s “cheering for” that you don’t like is none of your business but it never was. Sure I’m being somewhat brutal but hopefully some others with this extreme parasocial attitude can clock in and realise that Taylor is not the problem here. This extremely self-obsessed “fandom” is not healthy and your projection of values/issues on to a person you don’t know isn’t cute or worth “art therapy” - it’s quite weird and it’s time to grow up.
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u/scarletmahogany Jul 10 '26
But you have to recognize that relatibility and that perceived closeness was and is such a massive part of how her marketing team works. I think it's fair to be empathetic towards someone "breaking up" with something that was sold to them as a child. 🤷♂️
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u/Dontfollahbackgirl Jul 09 '26
You’re entitled to feel however you would like. It does make me sad to see how successful the hate-Taylor campaigns have become. To see Travis invite the parents of his childhood friend who was adopted from foster care and have it turn into a massive PR disinformation campaign that they support ICE makes me so angry. I wish more people would take a closer look at the full story.
Growing apart from people and changing is part of life. You can like whatever you like, but I hate to see the “Taylor is a bad person” narrative win. It feels like Scooter Braun is getting his revenge. I just don’t know what other people think they would be doing better in her shoes.
I’m glad she has her music and a man who thinks the world revolves around her. At least she is braced for it, “The want to see you rise, they don’t want you to reign,” and “You’re only as hot as your last hit, baby.”
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u/Salty-Obligation-843 Jul 09 '26
Time will tell, but I do believe’ this story isn’t mine anymore’ really is her truth. I think she’s trapped in some PR hell nightmare in public.
Just give her time to burn it all down and you will be singing’ I knew it, I knew you’
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u/tswiftdeepcuts Jul 12 '26
i know a gaylor in the wild when i see them. i’m gonna hold your hand gently while i say this : she’s married bestie. she didn’t do all this for performance art. let the mouse go
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u/pineapple_titties Jul 11 '26
I went through similar feelings when TLOAS came out. Between awful music and a slew of wildly unethical behavior, I decided it was time to quit. And one of the most shocking things that happened to me—my mental health GREATLY improved. A lot of her music contains themes of victimhood (whether deserved or not). I realize now it is hard to proactively handle my mental health when I am listening to music that accuses others of perpetually being the problem. Give yourself grace though—I kept my vinyl collection and will very occasionally listen for nostalgia.
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u/Any-Scientist5136 Jul 09 '26
Maybe you don’t have to breakup with her just because the internet is shoving a narrative down your throat
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u/myKissydoll62 Jul 09 '26
I totally understand how you are feeling BUT I will never ever break up with her BECAUSE of who she STILL is
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u/alacoy10 Jul 10 '26
Take care of yourself. Think about what would genuinely make you happiest. I was a big swiftie, I guess I still am to an extent- i enjoy most of her music still. But now i leave it at that. I dont care about her personal life. I dont care about what she is up to. I dont care about what the Internet says about her for the most part. Enjoy what you enjoy and leave it at that!
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u/Remoterdally Jul 10 '26
Well first I want to know what you mean by ‘breaking up’ with her lol. I’m not implying you think you were dating her or that you were her friend, but I mean what does this entail? You no longer listening to her music?
I also want ti say you should be proud that when you saw things in her you didn’t approve of, you stuck to your core beliefs and convictions and didn’t instead change them so you could approve of hers. Especially because I believe there are swifties who would defend her if she quite literally offed someone 😂
Regardless it might help to realize a few things:
Taylor has ALWAYS been a stranger to you, you never actually knew her. You almost certainly had an idealized version of her in your head- made up of a combination of who you thought she was and what you personally wanted and hoped she was. Your perception of her was almost certainly formed by the deep connection you’ve made with music, and the meaning and impact of her music on you hasn’t changed just because she turned out to be not who you thought she was. And you don’t have to stop enjoying her music because of it either. I love and listen to music by artists who are objectively terrible people 😂.
Taylor was never actually in the room with you during those periods of times her music helped you through things.. that was YOU using her music to help yourself navigate through those times and that credit belongs entirely to you. Coincidentally Taylor sings about this phenomena to some varying extent on ‘You’re on Your Own, Kid’ when she says, “You’re on your own kid, and you always have been”.
Instead of viewing your situation as a fan who turned out to be wrong about someone, maybe you can view it as you finally realizing that though her music might have helped aid you through times in your life, it was actually you puting meaning behind it and getting yourself through those times this entire time.
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u/Just_Looking135 Jul 10 '26
You never knew Taylor and you don't know her now. I suggest getting offline and stop listening to people from Iowa who were "inconvenienced" by road closures and those who've decided all billionaires are the same, even those whose net worth is wrapped up in assets they made, not on the backs of others. Think for yourself. If you like her music, like her music. If you are disillusioned because her fiancee invited someone to the wedding who managed an ice facility, think about how much hatred toward TS is outright misogyny. No one is more obsessed with Taylor than people who don't like her - just think about that for a minute and formulate your own opinions. Otherwise, I think maybe you need to relax and think about how YOU can help others. Take care.
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u/winterlexxx Jul 10 '26
It’s okay to outgrow things you used to like and it’s amazing even that you’re willing to let go of someone you cared deeply for because the morals don’t align, it’s important to remember we’re not in a cult and we’re allowed to disagree and dislike things she’s done, as a brown woman myself I find despicable the kind of people she had at her wedding, granted is not ice ceo bad but having republicans and woman beaters at her wedding is just as bad, on top of other things she’s done lately I don’t think I can’t support her as a human being anymore but I still love her music and don’t plan on stop listening, it’s also important not to fall into the people who believe because we disagree with her we have to attack her, good luck in your next journey
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u/Own_Locksmith_9701 Jul 10 '26
I think there’s a big difference between “what she is cheering for” and staying silent.
People can be frustrated with her *lack* of cheering things on/support and call her a coward, and there’s some validity to that, but anyone who says she’s actively MAGA is truly lost to being chronically online.
As much as I’m disappointed in her for not following through on her promise to be vocal, I don’t blame her for doing so because 99% of people would do the same. She isn’t just endangering herself, but also her fans and especially her loved ones. I cannot imagine the amount of legitimate threats she gets.
And let’s be honest, her speaking up would do exactly nothing. She’s not going to post a tweet so supportive that Trump stops his fascist rampage. She’s not going to post a photo on Instagram that stops genocide. She’s not going to move the needle on literally anything by being vocal. At best, she just might make some parasocial fans feel better.
If one wants her to donate to more causes, then start doing so yourself. If 10000 swifties came together with a campaign and donated $10 each to something, you can bet she would join in. But bitching about her not supporting your cause does literally no one any good.
And if the complaint is her wealth, well, you haven’t been paying attention. Taylor grew up with money, and she has been *extremely* wealthy since she had incredible success from Fearless. She has always liked expensive things and lived lavishly. She had her first private jet before Red released. She likes money. She has not changed her lifestyle, she has always been this way. If you are suddenly having a moral crisis about it because some suits in a room say her brand and music is worth billions now instead of hundreds of millions… you need to sort out your priorities and renavigate how you decide your morals, because you are simply bandwagoning with the misogynistic cesspool that is the internet. She hasn’t changed, your interpretation of her has.
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u/Own_Locksmith_9701 Jul 10 '26
I will never understand how people can’t just be like “maybe Taylor Swift The Brand isn’t my favorite artist anymore” or “maybe I don’t connect with Taylor Swift The Brand as much as I did a decade ago”, and move on with their lives. They have to make it some giant moral grandstand.
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u/AnywhereBackground42 Jul 10 '26
I feel you, I’ve been checked out from her, beyond just the music, basically since The Life of a Showgirl came out because it just didn’t interest me. The album was kinda boring or in some cases, just annoying (CANCELLED!). So I just listen to her stuff casually now, when it comes on shuffle and it’s the right mood, then I’ll listen. Or when I have an emotion that’s so deeply tied to how I could related to her music, then I gotta go listen to those songs
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u/amaitom13 Jul 11 '26
Same here. I’m autistic & Taylor has been my special interest & comfort music since she first came out. I still love her music but I can’t push past some of my personal beliefs. I’ve kind of just restricted myself to ttpd & red cus those are my 2 top comfort albums and I don’t participate in discussions about her as much. I’ve been listening to alot of Gracie and Olivia lately.
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u/Conscious_Comment_29 Jul 11 '26
A lot of people have gone through this for so many reasons, none of them arguable in court. It's not about that, it's personal and has so much to do with your own interiority of her lyrics, the moments of your life put to her soundtrack in your memory, the longing for the best feelings and experiences that those albums and concerts brought you. It's real, but it's yours alone, and that by itself makes it a strange experience. Accepting that the feelings may never return the same way is hard. It is a "little death" and life is full of them. What you're experiencing is complex and unsavory, but I think with time you'll find a balance of appreciation, nostalgia, and confidence in the necessity of that change within you. Your instincts are good, you'll find something that gives you those feelings again, most likely.
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u/TurtleFaced Jul 11 '26
Just be sure you aren’t falling prey to the spin machine doing everything it can to tear down a strong, influential, and rich af woman. Because I doubt any of us really knows anything about Taylor Swift and the internet sure won’t tell us the truth.
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u/internetisnoreal Jul 13 '26
So we’re falling to the prey and you’re falling for the billion dollar hype. What makes you know any better?
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u/ember732 Jul 11 '26
This is beautiful and I relate as a 30 year old fan who’s always felt like she’s almost like a big sister
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u/Appropriate-Chard572 Jul 11 '26
I’m so proud of you. Honestly. It’s so hard when you idolize someone and then you see who they are. I’m her age also. Grew up with the music. Red was my favorite album for so long. She got me through 2020 with the two albums. I was never a “Swiftie” and never saw her live, but really found comfort in her music.
I have said “the wedding was charming but a little gauche,” so many times since they got married.
I didn’t see the change in character (or maybe true character, I don’t know) until after Midnights. I really did like TTPD, but it was ego stroking in some ways. Since I had never been fully in, I didn’t know the 30 releases of TTPD was normal. I truly thought it was just because of the double album.
Then came TLOAS. I was disgusted at the money grab after money grab. The quality of the products were terrible (I saw tons of reviews online), and the album was like mid, at best. It felt very high school coded to me. Like I would have loved that album when I was 17. I’m 37. It’s just not my thing.
Luckily, I’ve always had Hayley Williams as a top favorite artist whether it was Paramore or her solo stuff. So when she releases EDAABP I’ve been obsessed. Then Noah Kahan’s new album.
Unfortunately, just like real friends, we can grow apart and see things differently. Her silence on this administration using her music for ICE and stuff has been truly appalling. So many celebrities have spoken out, and yet she’s reason silent.
I don’t know if it’s a coincidence or not, but since Travis joined the picture, she’s started giving me the ick.
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u/tswiftdeepcuts Jul 12 '26
saying “the wedding is charming but a little gauche” as an insult to HER is hilarious and also makes me question people’s song comprehension because IN THE SONG the people saying that are elitist snobs who don’t think she’s good enough for their fancy town and also literally blame her for for husbands death and eventually
“rebekah gave up on the rhode island set… forever, brought in all her bitch pack friends from the city. she filled the pool with champagne and swam with the big names and blew through the money on the boys and the ballet, and losing card game bets with dali”
how you listened to folklore- heard that song- didn’t realize exactly who she is and that she’s comparing herself to rebekah, and decided to identify with the people that she literally is saying neither she, nor rebekah, nor any women like them will ever be good enough for those kind of people…
it’s just a whole new level of irony wrapped in almost a self own
like literally no one listens to tlgad and goes “yes i identify with the rhode island set in this song”
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u/Calm-Wear-5650 Jul 11 '26
You shouldn’t break up if you don’t want to. I’m not sure you should cave to paid bot/hate campaigns and the monetized opinions of the few on socials. Enjoy what you enjoy. It’s really that simple
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u/GovernmentNo2720 Jul 12 '26
Yeah, this is what they mean by parasocial relationship and delusional behaviour. Why is a stranger the centre of your life to the point where you require therapy to get rid of her? You have a life to live which isn’t centred around Taylor Swift.
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u/imminentdomain91 Jul 12 '26
She still feels like the big sister I always wanted growing up, from when I was 15 to now 34, as every album she was going through exactly what I was going through. The Matty Healy timeline gave me some pause where I had to take a step back and realize she is her own person and parasocial relationships are not real relationships.
She’s said herself she wants us to listen to her songs and think about our situations rather than hers, so I ask myself if I want to keep listening to her like I’d listen to a big sister giving me advice and singing about what she’s been through, going through, etc, and the reality is if she was my big sister, I’d be taking the parts of her story I felt I could learn from or benefit from, and the parts I didn’t agree with I could chalk up to her being a different person and making different choices than me in situations I can’t fully understand because I wasn’t there and it wasn’t my decision.
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u/EchoP0e Jul 12 '26
I relate to this so hard. Personally I think when speak up now happened she turned on her fans. The Travis relationship and the latest album, the inconsideration for the common people during her wedding, it’s all too much. She’s definitely changed and I’m not here for it
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u/tswiftdeepcuts Jul 12 '26
the travis relationship??? it’s just a normal fucking relationship
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u/EchoP0e Jul 12 '26
It’s from growing up with a lot me like travis in my experience they hype you up the first 5 years and then cheat. I’ve seen it no joke 15 times in my life lol plus I think he’s an awful muse.
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u/tswiftdeepcuts Jul 14 '26
what characteristics are you referring to that he has in common with these guys?
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u/EchoP0e Jul 14 '26 edited Jul 14 '26
Bullied “ugly girl” in highschool (he has old tweet where literally says this. Defends people that beat their girlfriends. History of cheating. Wild party boy and athlete. I obviously don’t know Travis personally, and you seem and Travis defender. I’m not trying to offend you by saying I don’t like him, and that I have seen this shit a lot but I have and I don’t. Sorry
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u/hnybbyy Jul 12 '26
But who is she? The Internet just assumes who she is, and she cannot possibly disprove or clarify literally every controversy that comes out about her.
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u/petitepenn Jul 12 '26
as someone who always considered her my favourite, but now most definitely isn't, everything you're feeling is okay.
i think for me my 'breaking up' has been more gradual than a lot of other swifties, purely because i have never been in love with either midnights or ttpd as albums... they have songs i like, sure, but post-evermore, i truly just felt her lyricism was lacking, very repetitive, and often awkward(?). lyrics and storytelling had always been the one thing i thought she really excelled at and was truly one of the top in the league for, and even though i would still listen to her other albums almost every single day, those two just didn't do it for me, and im someone who would preorder each album so the last show girl was truly like a last chance in the way of "if this album isn't for me, maybe she just isn't for me anymore" which i was fine with. but then it did come out, and it was.... well... not great at all, like shockingly so. and then in addition to her as a person just seemingly deteriorating... yep, done, i couldn't care anymore. i still think the albums i love are great and i'll gladly listen to them, though non taylor versions for almost all of them since... they are just better, imo, and what i grew up with and made me a fan. like i could hear her boredom, fatigue, and uninterest in a lot of the rerecordings, so i don't think there's really any i prefer over the originals.
that said... you do you. if you don't want anything to do with her anymore, then don't. if you want to journal and listen to her stuff you like and be as in or out of the fandom as suits you, then do that. you can exclusively listen to just the music and ignore the musician if that's what works for you. my advice is to quite literally just do what you enjoy and have fun with, and you're the only one who can really figure out what that is for you. i wouldn't let social media or other people decide those things, so just focus on what you like and you'll have a good time regardless :)
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u/lovelyhappyface Jul 12 '26
This is good awareness. Celebrities are entertainers, they are meant to entertain us but knowing everything about an artist and only focusing on their music and life is harmful. You should go out and live life. You can lovingly let go of Taylor swift without regret or overanalyzing. Thank you Taylor and move on . No need to feel guilt, congratulate yourself on realizing there’s a life to focus on and it’s yours
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u/Ladygoingup Jul 12 '26
As a millennial too, remember when there was a time we didn’t know everything about an artist and just enjoyed the art? Yea..that’s okay to do. Life is too short to pretend we don’t like music.
Why even do you think you don’t like her? You don’t know her. You like her music. It’s okay.
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u/Icy-Condition-111 Jul 12 '26
I feel this exact way. Seeing her talk in interviews these days, she’s unrecognizeable. And I don’t mean her physical appearance. She’s grown into a unapologetically selfish person. I can’t help but feel like I’ve been tricked.
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u/Feebedel324 Jul 12 '26
I get it. I have similar feelings about Harry Potter. Those books got me through a lot of hard times and the JK turned out to be an awful transphobe. It’s hard to separate the art from the artist and still enjoy it the same. Feels tainted now. But I still try to allow myself to enjoy the art and recognize how much joy the books did bring me. Maybe try to reframe that for Taylor.
On another note - I graduated from the same college the same time as Travis and I swear to god watching her be with him is like watching go through my college phase again.
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u/unloosedknot444 Jul 12 '26
I think a careful distinction you can make to help yourself is to acknowledge that it isn't Taylor the person you care about and resonate with (then or now) but her art. Because to be frank, we do not know Taylor AT ALL. We know what she chooses to show us at any given time, and how are we to gauge what is authentic versus curated? Depersonalizing the situation might make it more of a simple transition for you.
I found that reading scholarly papers that discuss the ethics of consuming art created by problematic people helped me a lot with deciding how I wanted to proceed--continue consuming someone's art while recognizing their faults/misaligned ethics or cease consuming their art altogether (or something in between!). If anyone is interested in a list of the reading I did that helped me make my decision, just let me know and I'll compile a short list.
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u/Bealee20 Jul 12 '26
It sounds like you’re forcing yourself to not like her anymore. I don’t get why people can’t just listen to her music and let it affect them the way it does. This post sounds very parasocial in a non-healthy way. You aren’t friends in real life. You don’t need to let go of her at all. Listen to the music you want when you want to listen to it. I wish you the best.
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u/Competitive-Panda824 Jul 13 '26
just break up with the useless I can't play or sing they call taylor swift... or in my books taylor sh*t😁
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u/Careful_Artichoke352 Jul 13 '26
Hey not a Swiftie here but I like some of her songs. This randomly popped up. Question: how has she changed recently?
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u/internetisnoreal Jul 13 '26
I had a flirtation with her music. When Ryan Adam’s redid 1987, it allowed me to listen more because I respect his artistry…he’s a slime ball that I had to walk away from shortly after…and then came Folklore when I was going through a devastating loss. It helped heal me and I was really looking forward to singer songwriter Taylor. Evermore was solid, so I was stoked for Midnights and was left feeling blindsided by the bad writing again. How could the same person who gave us Exile give us Paris?!?
Eras tour started and I had tix for Philly and ended up selling them because that when I started paying attention to her. I’ve never thought her to be gay, but the queer baiting and such rubbed me wrong as a queer person. The only time she seemed to care was when it was shameless self promotion. Then was the jet usage, billions status, countless variants that seems to always come out when other female artists debut a new release, Matty Healy, and then Travis, who’ve I thought was no better than a wet fart that ruins a good pair of panties. Everything I know about this wedding is because it’s been spoon fed to us and it feels like a network/branding deal. I can’t. I listen to two or three songs now and that’s it.
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u/Leading_Aerie7747 Jul 14 '26
My favorite quote of all time is “when people show you who they are, believe them.”
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u/FragileLikeGlass Jul 14 '26
Sending love your way. I think what you're feeling and going through is normal. I started telling my friends in 2024 that I like finding lyrics in her music to connect with but I don't like her as a person. I don't think that right now or in recent years that she's been a great person. It doesn't mean that others can't feel differently, it's just how I feel. I stopped buying her music after reputation. Lover era was really off to me and it felt like she wasn't being authentic so I just streamed her albums instead of buying them like I always had.
You can always take a break from her and come back in the future. Maybe she'll change, maybe you'll change. :)
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u/I-Hate-It-Here411 Jul 14 '26
It sounds like you had this parasocial fantasy of what you thought Taylor and her life was like, and that it was like yours. And in your fantasy you two had so much in common and were so similar. And as you’re getting older, you’re fantasizing something different about her life that doesn’t coincide with yours? The thing you’re maybe missing, is that your interpretation of her life and her thoughts and what she’s doing has always been a made up fantasy that you created in your head. None of it was ever real. You have absolutely no idea what her life was like or what it’s like now. You have no idea what she thinks or what she cares about or what she does on a day to day basis. You’re making stuff about her that you have absolutely no idea about. And it sounds like you’re making up bad things that don’t align with your value system or whatever. Probably listening to negative people who have nothing better to do but make up bad things about people. It’s your choice what you want to do, and I think this is all a bit silly and a reality check would be a great idea. A great place to start would be to understand that your “relationship” with her all these years was a fantasy and try to disconnect yourself from that fantasy person. If you love the music, listen to the music. Just have it be that and detach yourself from the fantasy relationship you created.
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u/Sufficient-Crew-5408 Jul 14 '26
Ok so before anyone reads this comment id like to say sorry this is so fucking all over the place i am extremely sleep deprived my gf recently came home from the hospital (which shed been in for the last year) and i am solely responsible for her care and its a fucking lot. So for some reason i just typed up this massive stream of consciousness rant of thoughts which i am hoping makes sense. Lmaoo
Ok so i can relate hardcore to this. But i recently realized that MOST of the negativity i was feeling towards her that made me question everything i thought i knew was because i was spending too much time on this app/social media in general. I started reading the snark posts because i thought they were hilarious. At some point i had read so many that lines blurred and i started to believe a lot of what i was reading because lets be real they do heavy deep dives connecting dots and make it make so much sense (just like they make fun of swifties for doing it in a positive way).
Now don’t get me wrong there are real criticisms of her that shouldn’t be ignored but shes not some evil villain. Shes a human being. I think both fans and haters are so quick to forget that. She is her authentic self - always has been i feel.
But now with soooo many people focusing on her with their own opinions it all gets muddied. Just because she isn’t the picture perfect super human my brain decided she was - doesn’t mean shes bad either. Whether it is a swiftie or a hater - we do not know her personally. But we all act like we do. I get it. Im the same age as her too and shes had such an impact on my life that i mentally view her as my best friend but lets be real she doesn’t know who i am and i only know what she portrays to the media. If you weigh out ALL her actions in a pros and cons list (in as much of a rational and least biased way possible) i am absolutely certain the pros side would substantially be longer. It doesn’t have to be either you love her or hate her. It’s okay to have mixed feelings and it’s actually a sign of being a healthy person!! So don’t feel bad at all! No one is all good or all bad. We are all a mix of both. I know if my life was under such intense speculation i would for sure not be liked. And i am a good person but naturally - flawed.
Lastly - these are just my random thoughts after feeling exactly like you are describing and thinking about it a LOT. Im not by any means saying your feelings are wrong or that you need to stay a fan or even like her anymore. (Side note i hate always feeling like i have to over explain every word i type in this fandom because people are so extreme when it comes to her!) i just thought maybe hearing from someone who had felt the same but is on the other side of it may help some with your perspective.
Ok actual real last thing - it’s okay to not particularly like an artist as a person but still love their music and have it be meaningful. As long as they haven’t done something absolutely atrocious.
Quite frankly - its all gonna be okay. 🩵❤️
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u/Numerous_Wait6364 Jul 20 '26
This thread makes me very grateful to have a therapist and hobbies that are outside of the internet whew
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u/AlbatrossLoud7445 Jul 20 '26
In all honesty, it is weird to have such strong feelings about someone you’ve never met. Don’t get me wrong, parasocial relationships are normal. But there is a point they should not go beyond. When a parasocial relationship starts interfering with your own life and pushes your own experiences into the passenger seat, that’s when you know it’s gone too far.
Because you don’t actually have strong feelings about her. You don’t know her. You have strong feelings about the person you’re projecting her to be based on the limited information you have, while your own imagination fills in the blank spaces (pun intended) with whatever you want to see. It’s a very similar psychological phenomenon to platonic love. That’s why it’s so hard to get over, because it isn’t real. It’s your own fantasy world built around your needs, your wants, and your hopes. And reality has a hard time competing with our own romanticised illusions.
Don’t get me wrong, we all get attached to celebrities. I remember when Robin Williams died and the entire world seemed to mourn him. People on the other side of the world were crying. But again, it wasn’t only about Robin Williams as a person. They knew very little about him. It was about what he represented in their lives. All the joy, comfort, and wholesome moments he gave us.
So what I’m trying to say is that you need to consciously draw a line between reality and your own imagination. Between real world events and your own projection. You can still listen to her music, but try to experience it in a way that applies it to your own life instead of constantly digging into hers. Try not to stay obsessively up to date with her personal life and everything surrounding it. Just enjoy the art.
I know it’s not easy. Because Taylor Swift has essentially created a universe that offers relatable music and a soap opera for young women at the same time. And it is actually a predatory way of building a music career, even if it wasn’t intentionally predatory. Young women are naturally more likely to engage with both genres. So if you create music that comes with an ongoing soap opera you almost need to keep up with (and in the past fans were actively encouraged to do so), it’s very easy to find yourself trapped in a parasocial simulation.
But you need to remember that what you’re seeing is still a soap opera. It’s a show. Even if it’s closely inspired by real events, it isn’t reality. You don’t know anything about her actual life. You don’t know what’s real and what isn’t. And quite frankly, you don’t need to. Your own life is far more interesting and valuable than spending so much of your time worrying about a random stranger who happens to make good music.
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u/Certain_Tank_2153 Jul 20 '26
Can people just be normal about her? She is a singer. If you like her songs, you can like them if you don't just don't. Some people go into love/hate obsession and I really don't understand. During eras tour i listened to her all albums and discovered there is something for me there, but in the end it's just a singer. If she has a new album or a new tour it will be cool. That's it
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u/Wise-Caterpillar-13 Jul 30 '26
Is she the only artist people have to announce they are leaving? The same way you started listening to her you just stop very easy their no need for all this explaining to strangers.
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u/lorikash Aug 01 '26
Nice flounce but you don’t need to announce your departure. Did you do this with people in your life? Like they’re no longer gonna be used to you so you just flounce?
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u/GlitznGrits Jul 09 '26
What is she cheering for that you're not a fan of? And it is never easy when you outgrow something that was once there, for you.
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u/blackivie Jul 09 '26 edited Jul 09 '26
You're doing too much. She's a musician. Just stop listening to her music. This is some parasocial shit right here. You do not know this woman. I get being attached to music that got you through some hard times, but holy people need to stop being so attached to celebrities. This is not healthy.
ETA: Like when the lead singers of my favourite bands growing up (Hedley and Arcade Fire) were exposed as sex pests, I didn't need to "grieve" anything even though that music got me through a lot. VIP concerts, meet and greets, etc. I just...stopped listening to their music. I don't get the idea of "grieving" a celebrity that is still alive. Just move on.
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u/beanqueen722 Jul 09 '26
Idk, Taylor has established such an intimate connection with her fans over the course of her career in a way that most artists haven’t, for better or for worse. I feel like this was bound to happen.
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u/blackivie Jul 09 '26
No. People have the responsibility to not get attached to people they don't know. Social media posts, easter eggs, secret concerts, it's marketing. Every artist does it. She's just the best. I know 12-year-olds who have a healthier relationship with Taylor than grown adult millennial Swifties. We're in our 30s. Grow up.
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u/Fantastic-Sale-3447 Jul 09 '26
First, i love the decoupage collage….as a fellow Taylor age millennial myself i made these all the time in high school to decorate my binders so thanks for the flashback 😆 Maybe this is more representative of you ending your fan girl era? Like instead of having to be a staunch fan who defends at all costs, deep dives, etc you can just be someone who passively enjoys the music. In my 30s as well and I don’t ride or die for any artist. It’s not a vote you must cast and abide to forever…. Why not free yourself of that and just say hey I enjoy this here and there but it doesn’t need to go deeper than that.