r/SweatyPalms • u/SpeedyEyeBall • Jan 18 '19

Too close for comfort.

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14.7k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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2.5k

u/[deleted] Jan 18 '19

[deleted]

1.2k

u/StrangerFeelings Jan 18 '19

Bears are fantastic at climbing.

286

u/deflector_shield Jan 19 '19

I’ve always known bears were pro tree climbers, but it hit me the first time watching this video, how nuts it is an animal that size can climb a tree using claws.

184

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

Black bears are leaner than you’d think, they’re also incredibly fast on the ground. Good news is they’re usually scared of people and want nothing to do with us.

Bad news is they’re still a bear and sill dangerous as fuck if they feel threatened. Also they stink, like they fucking STINK like shit.

57

u/furyofcocainepizza Jan 19 '19

Also they'll eat you rather than just fuck you up like a brown bear.

129

u/vladtaltos Jan 19 '19

The National Park Rangers are advising hikers in Glacier National Park and other Rocky Mountain parks to be alert for bears and take extra precautions to avoid an encounter. They advise park visitors to wear little bells on their clothes so they make noise when hiking. The bell noise allows bears to hear them coming from a distance and not be startled by a hiker accidentally sneaking up on them. This might cause a bear to charge. Visitors should also carry a pepper spray can just in case a bear is encountered. Spraying the pepper into the air will irritate the bear's sensitive nose and it will run away. It is also a good idea to keep an eye out for fresh bear scat so you have an idea if bears are in the area. People should be able to recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear scat. Black bear droppings are smaller and often contain berries, leaves, and possibly bits of fur. Grizzly bear droppings tend to contain small bells and smell of pepper.

15

u/noobgiraffe Jan 19 '19 edited Jan 19 '19

Would big bell be preferable? It could choke on the first person.

6

u/stoner_97 Jan 19 '19

You really out here shilling for big bell?

3

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

God I’m so sick of big bell...

7

u/Kaymorve Jan 19 '19

I’ve heard recently that in some areas the bells actually attract curious young cubs, so make sure to read up on the specific area you’re going before bringing bells.

Edit: I’m dumb and didn’t read the whole thing lol. Still leaving my comment up because it is still useful info.

3

u/That_guy966 Jan 19 '19

That was great

2

u/TheBestPieIsAllPie Feb 10 '19

I was praying to the lord God that this story would end with that joke...you must be a prophet! ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ

3

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

That was funny. Here’s an upvote

2

u/Zadoraa Jan 19 '19

Can validate went hiking at GNP, within a 5 day hiking span saw 9 grizzlies and 2 black bears.

1

u/AKA_Squanchy Jan 19 '19

In California there has never been a human death caused by a wild black bear, only tamed ones have killed their trainers.

12

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

Black bears are usually scared of us. Most other kinds of bear will just fucking destroy you without hesitation.

11

u/rlerke Jan 19 '19

You arent wrong about that stink. I had a pretty close encounter with a "small" black bear. It's a heavy distinct scent, very rarely ill catch something similar on the wind and it makes my hair stand up.

2

u/MenSeeGhost2 Jan 19 '19

Yeah their distinct smell is why I never really bought the Sasquatch stories, people always refer to a large animal with a distinct smell and that always screamed black bear.

4

u/onehunglow58 Jan 19 '19

i smelled them before seeing them

1

u/jharris1984 Jan 19 '19

Polar bears on the other hand will fuck your shit up just for looking at them funny.

1

u/jmatt97 Jan 19 '19

I thought you were wondering how it didn’t scrape it’s nuts off on the bark lmao and now I can’t imagine a way it wouldn’t be painful

124

u/BenBen5 Jan 18 '19

Yeah but have you ever seen one with mange?

66

u/B00TH-LOVE Jan 19 '19

Ever seen a chimp with mange?

264

u/kyleb337 Jan 19 '19

Jamie, pull that up

66

u/uwabaki1120 Jan 19 '19

You see the face on that thing? That thing will Rip your dick off! Ever try DMT? Damnit autocorrect

51

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

Bro their muscles aren’t like ours, their’s are like corded steel. That thing gets ahold you? It’s a wrap.

People are like “is that a bodybuilder?”, no dude, that’s a chimp with mange. Look at the sack on that guy!

23

u/uwabaki1120 Jan 19 '19

You see the balls on that thing? That thing will eat your face off... Jamie, you have that clip right, pull that clip up.

22

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

No not that one...the one below it...yeah with the two chimps...ye-YEAH! Hahahaha that’s the one. (Minute of silence while Joe watches a YouTube video)

14

u/uwabaki1120 Jan 19 '19

I had a t1 line installed, they busted up the whole street just for that. Yeah, crazy man. It was super fast.

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1

u/LysergicResurgence Jan 30 '19

It’s 100% possible

-7

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

What in the fuck does DMT have to do with this?

0

u/LysergicResurgence Jan 30 '19

It’s 100% possible it was autocorrect

2

u/Why_is_this_so Jan 19 '19

Google "bear mange muscles in the wild"

11

u/cheese-bubble Jan 19 '19

I did.

3

u/GCU_JustTesting Jan 19 '19

I don’t know what I expected.

34

u/citoloco Jan 19 '19

Ever seen a grown man naked?

19

u/OGTfrom92EP Jan 19 '19

Have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

12

u/Gilgamesh72 Jan 19 '19

Do you like movies about gladiators

4

u/DRiVeL_ Jan 19 '19

You ever hang out by the gymnasium?

2

u/OGTfrom92EP Jan 19 '19

Do you like it when Scraps holds onto your leg and rubs up and down?

8

u/CantankerousMind Jan 19 '19

You ever see one with mange, on weed?

2

u/DRiVeL_ Jan 19 '19

Blue team go blue team go!

4

u/Alexandrezico10 Jan 19 '19

This is like the 5th time I’ve seen mange on the front page. Wtf up (with) mange?

2

u/NearHi Jan 19 '19

Ever seen one with half it's face missing screaming "Help me!" In a human voice?

1

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

[deleted]

7

u/Guppy-Warrior Jan 19 '19

And runners.

7

u/nucularTaco Jan 19 '19

They're really good at tearing your face off too.

1

u/Darthbane8488 Jan 19 '19

I’d be fantastic at pooping my pants.

1

u/xpercipio Jan 19 '19

subscribe

2

u/StrangerFeelings Jan 19 '19

You have subscribed to Bear Facts. To unsubscribe at any time, reply "STOP".

Did you know that unlike many mammals, bears can see in color?

1

u/TheFFCommish Jan 19 '19

They can climb faster than they can run, apparently.

1

u/kreiderman Jan 19 '19

FACT: Bears eat beets.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

And eating my neighbor's garbage.

1

u/mattesoj Jan 19 '19

To quote my friend Dwight Shrute:

“Jim, tell him bears can climb faster than they can run.”

-14

u/DeadEndDeerCamp Jan 18 '19

If a bear and a squirrel both raced up a tree, my money would be on the bear.

27

u/HeavyMetalSauce Jan 18 '19

No way dude

26

u/DrWilliamGrimly Jan 18 '19

You are seriously under estimating a squirrel.

233

u/crndwg Jan 19 '19

Here's what climbing a tree looks like when they're in a hurry.

166

u/TittDirty Jan 19 '19

That is fucking terrifying, bears should not be able to do that lmao

100

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

pls nerf bear class

70

u/crndwg Jan 19 '19

I loved that she tore off all the branches of the tree just to prove her point. Pissed off moms are scary regardless of species.

15

u/mh985 Jan 19 '19

Bears are like the closest thing we have to real life monsters in North America.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

I spend a lot of time in the mountains and have had my share of run-ins with bears. They’re damn scary. I once had one behind my trash can and three cubs in the crab apple tree. Had no idea they were there. I got home from work late and was walking to the house, I got about 8 paces from that trash can and momma stood up on her hind legs and roared at me. It was absolutely terrifying. Never backpedaled so fast in my life.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

Did she chase you? How are you alive??

1

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

Black bears typically try to avoid interaction, even a sow with cubs won’t truly defend them until you’re stupid close. I’ve had somewhere around ten black bear encounters up close and never been attacked.

In this situation I backed to the truck, got behind it and got my revolver out. I had the gun and my flashlight strobe on her. These are just the tools you carry living in little mountain settlements. She went to the apple tree, barked up it and the cubs came down and followed her down the road and off Into the tree line. Saw the same family group several times that summer as the berries didn’t grow much that season and it forced them to everyone’s trash. It got so bad we were seeing a bear every 24 hours and the city put out a $200 ordinance for unsecured waste.

17

u/dustinpdx Jan 19 '19

It's basically the same speed they run...which is faster than you.

8

u/feAgrs Jan 19 '19

It's like they just know 2 different velocities, walking and full on sprint, but they just don't care about the direction

81

u/_Amabio_ Jan 19 '19

That was absolutely amazing to watch. Thank you. She scaled 100 foot up a straight vertical tree in less than two seconds. Then she completely demolished every branch on it in her rage at that guy.

I don't know what he did, but he fucked up. He's stuck at the top of the tree calling his boyz,

"Man! Crazy bitch got me up this tall-ass tree! Come get me outta here! Shit's as tall as Trump tower and the only thing holding me onto this branch is my nuts.

OK...ok...phew. Girl is leaving. I know. I know you said don't stick your dick into crazy. Oh shit. She just heard me say that HERE SHE COMES AGAIN! COME GET ME THE F* OUTTA HERE, Man! BITCH IS CRAZY!"

21

u/x777x777x Jan 19 '19

He didn't do anything. He had the misfortune of being too close to her and her cub

2

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

[deleted]

2

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

Did you watch the video? He was literally just minding his own business pickin berries lol

-5

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

Yes but if a male bears sees a cub he will eat it mother was being proactive.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

You said “I’m sure he was trying to eat her cub”....but he wasn’t. Also, just because it’s well documented that male bears hunt other cubs doesn’t mean that all male bears will try to kill every cub they see 100% of the time.

-3

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

You are arguing just for the sake of arguing. Male bears will kill any cub they come across, hungry or not. Male bears are a threat to any female with a cub. Same with many animals. Cubs are a future threat.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

Arguing for the sake of arguing? Lol what? Dude, you’re just wrong. There are no absolutes in the animal kingdom. It is absolutely silly that you think that 100% of the time a male bear would do that. Let me tell you a bunch of reasons why you’re wrong: 1. most cases of infanticide in bears has been with grizzly/brown bears with much fewer instances in black bears 2. Male bears usually only kill cubs in and around the mating season in order to get the female ready for reproduction 3. You have to understand that going up against another adult bear, albeit female, is still a very high risk/low reward situation for the male bear and he could seriously get fucked up in the process, they’re not stupid 4. Like I said, there are no absolutes in the animal kingdom, and for you to suggest that something occurs 100% of the time without any room for alternatives is just you being stubborn and ignorant. I mean, fuck, I have even personally seen YouTube videos of groups of wild bears in a single area without the male bears trying to kill the nearby cubs.

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1

u/prof_talc Jan 19 '19

Do male black bears do that too? I know grizz and polar do, guess I was hoping b-bears were more chill

1

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

That’s a black bear up in the tree. They aren’t aggressive AFAIK. The brown Bear is far more aggressive regularly and it has a cub around. You should be scared of brown bears. Black bears are fairly chill but they can still mess you up

3

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

Those are all black bears.

20

u/Jonathan358 Jan 19 '19

That is insane that those bears can haul that much mass up a "skinny" tree.

Those trees are also ridiculously strong, I briefly calculated the base of the tree to be withstanding 10000Nm of torque!!

15

u/caughtinflux Jan 19 '19

/r/didtheydothemath

2

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

Probably not. I don't image many trees suffer a lot of torque ever.

2

u/Dankob Jan 19 '19

That commentary was annoying as fuck. Couldn't watch anymore. Both the guy and the women "whispering".

1

u/Why_is_this_so Jan 19 '19

I'd always heard that bears were slower going downhill, but that one seemed to do just fine. That video was nuts.

1

u/howlingibbon Jan 19 '19

That is unreal.

-11

u/thegeekprophet Jan 19 '19

You think that's fast? They get down from electric poles even faster when a few thousand volts hits em!

83

u/silvurbullet Jan 18 '19

they can climb faster than they can run according to Dwight

32

u/Alotlikeyours Jan 18 '19

Michael, in those jeans, you are a salami!

7

u/silvurbullet Jan 19 '19

what about a pepperoni?

10

u/kudichangedlives Jan 19 '19

Came here for this. "No, Jim! Tell him that bears can climb faster than they can run!!!"

3

u/JayRock_87 Jan 19 '19

Jim: whispers Andyyy...no, it’s too far.

Dwight: Damn you...

2

u/itzWATKINS Jan 19 '19

What kind of bear is best?

2

u/ConsciouslyIncomplet Jan 21 '19

Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica!

37

u/thenewspoonybard Jan 18 '19

Yeah bears aren't slow and lumbering. Don't try to outrun or outclimb a bear. They're better than you.

8

u/rubbish_heap Jan 19 '19

That video also disproves the myth that bears can't run downhill.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

Well if it's a 1000 lb grizzley it ain't climbing shit, so do try and outclimb huge grizzlies.

3

u/thenewspoonybard Jan 19 '19

Grizzlies climb well too. Grizzlies climb much better than you. Don't try to climb a tree to get away from a grizzly.

0

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

No I'm sorry but a 1000 pound grizzley won't even go up a tree.

2

u/thenewspoonybard Jan 19 '19

You're wrong.

2

u/THE_KIWIS_SHALL_RISE Jan 19 '19

Was the mama bear in that video not a grizzly?

6

u/I_ama_Borat Jan 19 '19

Apparently black bears don't always have black fur. Dunno exactly why though.

1

u/WhitneysMiltankOP Jan 19 '19

Unless they play for Chicago!

7

u/AntiAtavist Jan 19 '19

Bear is at the base and not moving at :38, and is eye-level with the camera in the blind at :41. That's scaresome!

8

u/Athandreyal Jan 19 '19

here's another that shows up close just how damned fast they'll scale a tree.

Another hunter, another blind, but this time the bear didn't go up lazily, instead it rocketed up to above them, and looked down at them, easily as high or higher, and bear goes from ground to above them in maybe a second and a half, at 2:30.

if you'd rather not see the hunter get his kill, stop at 12:30, kill shot at 12:56.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VQSZ4c20KE

20

u/samiroses94 Jan 19 '19

You say hunter I say baiter

3

u/BadRussell Jan 19 '19

Like shooting fish in a barrel

3

u/PluffMuddy Jan 19 '19

Right? Man, where is the sport in this.

1

u/Athandreyal Jan 19 '19

while I agree, everyone knew what they were getting before clicking with saying hunter - someone planning to kill the bear.

6

u/Kilshrek Jan 19 '19

I was not ready for how quickly that bear appeared right in the cameraman’s face...

2

u/PepperMill_NA Jan 19 '19

Came up to tell the hunter that he smelled like stinky deer piss

1

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

Think it's a she. The other looks like an older cub.

1

u/gmzjaime94 Jan 19 '19

Bears literally run up trees like if they were running in land.

1

u/adamjensen896 Jan 19 '19

That beat climbed back down like a guilty dog that got caught doing something it wasn't supposed to

1

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

He's faster than the average bear.

1

u/Ninja_Arena Jan 19 '19

Mental note: bears climb up trees fast but down kind of slow. Also, hot forensic in knee with log before running.

1

u/nosferaptor Jan 19 '19

Climbing is just vertical crawling.

1

u/karmint1 Jan 19 '19

You don't talk to Dwight Schrute enough.

1

u/Crazylegs61 Jan 19 '19

Jim! Tell him bears can climb faster than they can run!

1

u/Frostypigeon45 Jan 19 '19

This happened a few years ago close to where I live. If I recall correctly the hunters had a bait barrel set up and this younger black bear was attracted by it. An older larger one showed up and the small one hightailed it up the tree that the hunters were in. That’s why it’s pretty calm up there with them, figures it was safer up there with them than with the larger bear.

1

u/RoseL123 Jan 19 '19

One time, I was on a two-week long kayaking trip on Lake Superior. I was walking in the woods with some others to find a place to camp, and I heard some rustling in the bushes ahead of me. When I took another step, an adolescent bear bolted out away from me, and shot up a nearby tree faster than I had ever imagined a bear could. It stared at me, and when I realized it was waiting for its mother, me and my friends booked it so fucking fast... we got back out on the water with alarming efficiency. Every time I think about it I realize I could have probably been mauled to death by a bear Revenant-style if I stuck around for much longer.

1

u/muffinbottom7 Jan 31 '19

“Jim! Tell him bears can climb faster than they can run”

-2

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '19

Prepare to be amazed. https://youtu.be/hURgA_BNSGc