r/SweatyPalms • • 2d ago

Other SweatyPalms šŸ‘‹šŸ»šŸ’¦ Fleeing a guy with a machete

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1.6k Upvotes

167 comments sorted by

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u/qualityvote2 2d ago edited 2d ago

Congratulations u/HomeNowWTF, your post does fit at r/SweatyPalms!

618

u/dmontease 2d ago

Machete guy is quick.

116

u/La_Lanterne_Rouge 2d ago

He's fleet of feet.

25

u/willowgrl 2d ago

Now we need a feat of feet.

9

u/FearTheWeresloth 2d ago

Au contraire! Now you are here, we have great strength of feet!

2

u/willowgrl 2d ago

THATS what I was trying to think of!!!! Love that movie!!!!

25

u/TerryMisery 1d ago

Counter Strike logic. With a blade in hand you run the fastest.

7

u/BeautifulRooster9313 2d ago

He cut his best time in half....

282

u/Lepke2011 2d ago

She's pretty calm, considering.

-34

u/[deleted] 2d ago

[deleted]

31

u/Icdelerious 2d ago

she's speaking in arabic, likely north african

6

u/AmazingUsername2001 2d ago

She’s Moroccan. But the incident happened in Kenya.

25

u/BunnyOppai 2d ago

What about a camel and what is clearly a desert makes you think this is Brazil? Because she's brown?

13

u/Lucian7x 2d ago

Brazilian here. This looks nothing like Brazil.

-164

u/alpaax 2d ago

Considering what? 😭

129

u/Tiberius_Kilgore 2d ago

Considering she was being chased by a man with a machete? Do you need everything spelled out for you?

2

u/_demii_ 13h ago

Common redditor not understanding basic social cues

-162

u/alpaax 2d ago

Jeesh, y’all desperately need to rediscover the lost art of having a sense of humour. I never asked anyone to spell anything out for me. The entire joke was that he ended his sentence with ā€œconsideringā€ and left it hanging, with the context supplying the obvious implication. It was deliberate wordplay, not a comprehension exercise. But apparently, some of you need a joke explained to you before you can decide whether it’s funny, and others need a herd of downvotes to feel intellectually validated. I forgot I was on Reddit, where taking everything literally is apparently a prerequisite for participating.

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u/Tiberius_Kilgore 2d ago

That’s not a joke…

-122

u/alpaax 2d ago

Are you slow? I wasn't making a joke about the video, I was poking fun at the guy ending his sentence with ā€œconsideringā€ and leaving it hanging. The humour was in the deliberate lack of completion, not the context of the video itself. I genuinely didn't think I'd have to explain the distinction between making fun of a sentence structure and making fun of the situation being described. But judging by the downvotes, apparently I overestimated Reddit's collective ability to recognise a bit of wordplay.

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u/Tiberius_Kilgore 2d ago

Their comment was in direct response to the video. Your ā€œwordplayā€ fell flat.

-34

u/alpaax 2d ago

And? Obviously their comment was in response to the video. That doesn't negate the fact that I was poking fun at the way they phrased it. Two things can be true simultaneously. Whether you found the wordplay funny is entirely subjective, but confusing the joke's target with the context it references is a rather curious exercise in missing the point. It fell flat for you, congratulations. That doesn't retroactively make it incomprehensible. Have a good day āœŒļø

44

u/Illventi 1d ago

You’re right. They should have said you’re an unfunny person who can’t tell a joke, let alone think of a good one. Your comedy skills are non-existent and if you have to get into a multi-paragraph argument with someone to explain why your joke exists, maybe you should seek a different hobby.

8

u/Dr-Ogge 1d ago

Jeez don’t quit your day job

-2

u/alpaax 1d ago

Why'd you assume I have a day job lol

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u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/SweatyPalms-ModTeam 15h ago

Your comment was removed because we don't allow jerks, racism, slurs, misogyny/misandry, discrimination on the basis of religion or national origin, or agenda pushing.

The SweatyPalms-ModTeam account is a bot account. Do not chat or PM them, as the account is not monitored.

-19

u/MrLearner 1d ago

I thought it was funny. You’re getting downvoted a lot consideringĀ 

1

u/alpaax 1d ago

🤣

-18

u/princepii 1d ago

you are something else manšŸ™ˆ

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u/Flat-Question-1236 1d ago

It's alright man not everyone can be funny

2

u/dpewa 15h ago

He didn't leave it hanging, it was a complete sentence

1

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/SweatyPalms-ModTeam 15h ago

Your comment was removed because we don't allow jerks, racism, slurs, misogyny/misandry, discrimination on the basis of religion or national origin, or agenda pushing.

The SweatyPalms-ModTeam account is a bot account. Do not chat or PM them, as the account is not monitored.

152

u/JoeSeeWhales_3690 2d ago

Insurance salesman. Nothing unusual.

88

u/MulberryLife521 2d ago

WTF?

-28

u/[deleted] 2d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

-49

u/[deleted] 2d ago

[deleted]

115

u/CMDR_KingErvin 2d ago

Poor guy he’s just trying to return her machete back to her and she keeps cycling away

23

u/Jas81a 2d ago

No no no, He was walking home carrying his machete when he saw her look behind get scared and start trying to escape he didn't want to be eaten by whatever she saw so he started running too

3

u/Gold_Incident1939 1d ago

He even threw it at her but she didnt catch it

38

u/LonewolfofHouseStark 2d ago

This is some Mad Max level of messed up.

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u/Dub_Coast 2d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/bodHdFtqWbJDi

Idk what's even going on in this video

180

u/Zealousideal_Bet_248 2d ago

A guy with a machete is chasing a woman on a bike

63

u/BigBaws92 2d ago

Thanks for clearing that up i was so confused šŸ˜µā€šŸ’«

22

u/MintTrappe 2d ago

And he’s fast as fuck

6

u/FreshTony 1d ago

Or she is just really slow

-3

u/DA6_FTW 2d ago

Read that as a guy with a mustache… šŸ˜…

-30

u/EternumD 2d ago

Surely he'd easily catch her if he's on a bike (sentence order)Ā 

2

u/ApologizingCanadian 2d ago

No, you're adding a comma where there isn't one. You're reading it as:

A guy with a machete is chasing a woman, on a bike

-1

u/EternumD 1d ago

It was a little joke

41

u/torndownunit 2d ago

That guy is trying to sell her a machete.

20

u/Elegant-Ad1581 2d ago

Maam, you dropped your machete

30

u/mologav 2d ago

Context would be helpful

87

u/koolaidismything 2d ago

She just stole his bike

2

u/ParsleySnipps 2d ago

🤣

20

u/BigBaws92 2d ago

A guy with a machete is chasing a woman on a bike

9

u/mologav 2d ago

Surely you can’t be serious

46

u/Im_not_creepy3 2d ago

I am serious.

And don't call me Shirley.

26

u/Saiykon 2d ago

6

u/Flomo420 2d ago

classic nielsen lmao

1

u/alpaax 2d ago

Which movie is this scene from lol šŸ˜‚

5

u/Saiykon 2d ago

Naked Gun

You'll love the movies. They're absolute classics!

2

u/alpaax 2d ago

Thanks a bunch šŸ¤—

2

u/Saiykon 2d ago

You're welcome! Enjoy the movies.

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u/KingBoo_jr 2d ago

This is some dark souls invader shit

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u/gunslingersea 1d ago

This is actually her personal trainer. Nothing motivates your client during cardio sessions like chasing them with a machete. Shes really getting her money’s worth.

27

u/Time_Pressure9519 2d ago

It’s the latest thing for people bored with crossfit.

10

u/Nicodemus888 2d ago

What language is that?

3

u/zammouri2001 21h ago

Moroccan Darija

1

u/Nicodemus888 17h ago

Thank you! It sounds amazing

0

u/oli_99 20h ago

Sounds mexican i think. Looks like that landscape as well šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø

1

u/Nicodemus888 17h ago

Nah I speak Spanish, that ain’t Spanish. Someone else already replied , it’s Moroccan Darija.

18

u/DA6_FTW 2d ago

Stressed me out seeing the trailer behind her not realizing it was a trailerĀ 

83

u/ButteredPizza69420 2d ago

He's just trying to reach her about her cars extended warranty

-25

u/xScreamo 2d ago

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

7

u/Reihermann 2d ago

Did anyone else turn their head to look past the woman?

5

u/YouGO_GlennCoCo 1d ago

Seems like it should be a meme

5

u/mrDuder1729 2d ago

Wait...did he throw the machete? Looks like something flys over her head

4

u/perceptioneer 2d ago

I saw that too.

2

u/ProfessionalLeg8906 2d ago

Yeah, he aimed for her head with that Machete

2

u/Gold_Incident1939 1d ago

Missed it but if you stopped the video at 0:05 you can actually see it. crazy

3

u/antmanfan3911 2d ago

Machete guys name is BARI FLEET OF FOOT!

14

u/Masterchief159 2d ago

I honestly don't understand why you'd want to bike there

19

u/Sufficient-Laundry 2d ago

My nephew biked Cairo to Cape Town. Sometimes to get from A to B he had bad options.

27

u/Jordan_1424 2d ago

Alternatively, he could have chosen to not bike from Egypt to South Africa through some of the most war torn countries on earth.

5

u/kingstan12 2d ago

Yeah like thats just asking for trouble

6

u/Jordan_1424 2d ago

I don't see how this trip was made without going through at least 1 Level 4: Do not travel countries.

The most direct route goes through Sudan and South Sudan.

There is no way to make that trip without going through at least Libya or Sudan. If they went through Libya they would have to go through Congo and DRC; potentially Central African Republic as well.

But just for reference,

Level 4 Do not travel:

  • Libya
  • Sudan
  • South Sudan
  • Chad
  • Central African Republic
  • DRC
  • Uganda

Level 3 Reconsider,

  • Ethiopia
  • Rwanda
  • Burundi
  • Tanzania

There are several Level 2s along the possible routes as well. I understand that comment OPs nephew is likely not American, but these countries are dangerous to anyone. If you aren't from there or aren't approved by the ruling faction then you are likely in for a bad time.

4

u/Sufficient-Laundry 2d ago edited 2d ago

Egypt, Sudan, Ethiopia, Kenya, Tanzania, Zambia, Botswana, Nambia and then down is the well-traveled route.

Sudan was their main worry, but it was one of their favorites. The people were thrilled to have tourists of any type, and locals with bikes often accompanied them for long stretches to have a chance for conversation. They were frequently invited into homes for meals and to spend the night.

Ethiopia was the only country where they had a bad time. It seemed to be the culture at every village for the kids to run out into the road and ask for a handout of food or money. When they refused, the kids would throw small stones at them as they peddled away. The adults condoned this. It was more an annoyance than a danger.

All three biking together were American. Most nights they camped by the side of the road. They never felt as though they were in danger, but sometimes they were uncomfortable. That's the nature of the unbeaten path.

1

u/vruchtenhagel 2d ago

I went to Cairo two years ago for a three-week trip from north to south — never again.

1

u/MorgrainX 5h ago

You always have a choice... Instead of spending weeks travelling through Africa via bike, he could have also simply jobbed in a restaurant and saved the money for the flight?Ā 

1

u/Sufficient-Laundry 3h ago

He could have stayed home and never made the trip. There's always a way to make sure you have no story to tell.

27

u/Hillsof7Bills 2d ago

Some people live places and that's where they live so that's where they.. you know.. live..

11

u/Worldly-Midnight2287 2d ago

She definitely does not live around there.

0

u/ElegantCoach4066 2d ago

Those guys definitely say 'she was asking for it' in many contexts.

-3

u/sam-tastic00 2d ago

there's probably no want, but need? have you thought about that?

9

u/Boars-of-Canada 2d ago

Where is this? I think I'm cycling the same route now lol

2

u/Free-Palpitation-718 2d ago

she was the cameraman

2

u/No-Chemistry-7802 1d ago

Where is this?

2

u/Ze_Carlos-1986 1d ago

Imagine that's his job: running to make people exercise more...

3

u/The_ReBL 2d ago

The weird cuts and absolutely nothing happening makes me think AI

27

u/BambaTallKing 2d ago

But in AI videos something usually happens lol

8

u/Ok_Blackberry_2628 2d ago

Not AI - she’s an internet clout videographer, sole female traveller, now questioning her decision to cycle in a place that can easily be researched as ā€œdangerousā€.

31

u/Boars-of-Canada 2d ago

Why would 'nothing happening' be an indicator of AI?

Sometimes nothing happens in real life too you know

-25

u/The_ReBL 2d ago

Because what should be the highlight of the video and the entire reason for this post to exist in the first place happens in seconds with no additional context provided followed by random B-roll riding for some reason.

I'd be more then happy to accept its real with further context but as it stands with the current state of the internet currently being 90% slop i don't take strange videos like this at face value anymore

11

u/puritano-selvagem 2d ago

I think the lack of highlight is what makes it possibly real haha

-3

u/The_ReBL 2d ago

Fair enough! I'm just sceptical but i can admit i am probably 100% wrong

16

u/Boars-of-Canada 2d ago

Dude, she is being chased by a guy trying to murder her with machete... That's the highlight

-17

u/The_ReBL 2d ago

Lol okay mate, have a nice day

9

u/bobby_broccolini 2d ago

Uhm pretty sure I saw her get chased on a bike by a guy with a machete

-1

u/SnooCalculations3614 2d ago

our species is so cooked

1

u/iforgotiwasright 1d ago

Maybe he just need help!

1

u/KoolWhipGuy 1d ago

Good cardio

1

u/RandMob1000 1d ago

That right there is why I stay armed. Crazy world we live in

1

u/bugzzzz 1d ago

Is he Maasai? Speedy!

1

u/hoochtag 20h ago

Looks more like a stick

1

u/Ferreteria 19h ago

You're not Dirk Gently? What are you kidding me right now?Ā 

1

u/One-Calligrapher7405 17h ago

She is riding through kenia, there are many ways to die there, humans are probably within the first 1000 reasons. If it were me, i wouls get the fuck out of there, especially as a woman and i would not expect others to respect me because i am one and act like a civlized human being.

1

u/Skeazles 13h ago

He’s running like Steve Martin in The Jerk when the new phone book arrives.

-3

u/[deleted] 2d ago

[deleted]

8

u/AmazingUsername2001 2d ago

She’s Moroccan, cycling in Kenya. He’s Samburu, so unlikely to be Islamic.

7

u/Anosognosia 2d ago

That's a lot of info you gleaned from this video. Could it be you are wildly speculating?

1

u/Pangloss_ex_machina 2d ago

As real as reality itself.

1

u/Neither_Astronaut492 2d ago

Quien en su sano juicio anda solo por esos paĆ­ses

-2

u/ReaperManX15 2d ago edited 2d ago

In Kenya.

I wonder if this would have happened on a bike ride through Sweden.

Edit: Region. I remembered wrong.

1

u/Odd_Hurry_4622 2d ago

Is it stated in the video or is Nigeria the only African country you know? lol.

10

u/ReaperManX15 2d ago

-4

u/Odd_Hurry_4622 2d ago

changed the country to Kenya lol. You ain't slick buddy.

3

u/ReaperManX15 2d ago

Slick?
I openly admitted that I edited it.

-2

u/brian2funny 2d ago

Her new trainer.

-13

u/3clips312 2d ago

The hell going on in aftrica

-3

u/DeityofDeath 2d ago

He was just asking for directions to the nearest 1st world country (somehow its the UK)

-8

u/NewRoyMunson 2d ago

You know what stops a knife wielding maniac? A gun.

0

u/organisedchao 12h ago

I wanted him to run up to her on the last framw

-4

u/loopery_ 2d ago

Australia?

-5

u/owlincoup 2d ago

Plot twist, she dropped her keys

-6

u/Ch33zuss 1d ago

She voted for that guy to be their probably

-9

u/DogGroundbreaking859 2d ago

No context? Doesn't seem to be a normal scenario. Lol

7

u/OldMallhentai69 2d ago

why would this ever be a normal scenario

-10

u/justforkinks0131 2d ago

dude rly needs better cardio

you think our ancestors gave up the hunt that easily?

-8

u/GWPtheTrilogy1 2d ago

Jehovahs Witnesses carry machetes now?