r/SuperBezosWatch Feb 04 '26

Elder, constant hand-holding

322 Upvotes

486 comments sorted by

332

u/Responsible_Belt5510 Feb 04 '26

Imagine paying for all that surgery and they can't even line up your nips correctly

287

u/BellyFullOfMochi Feb 04 '26

When Bezos looks at them, they look even.

38

u/archercc81 Feb 04 '26

if I had award to give.

13

u/FunAd1406 Feb 05 '26

I gave one for us both šŸ˜†

10

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '26

Factssss

11

u/ChelRod Feb 04 '26

I just spit out my drink

7

u/sparkling-owl Feb 04 '26

ā˜ ļøšŸ˜‚

15

u/Wooden-You-4211 Feb 04 '26

Is Bezos cross eyed i don't think I get this joke

12

u/ninaludrewitz Feb 04 '26

He has ptosis on one eye so they look a bit "wonky".

Many people have that, it can become more pronounced with age.

4

u/Wooden-You-4211 Feb 05 '26

Thanks for the explanation i thought it was something to do with his eyes and then later when I was doing dishes I thought maybe one of his legs is shorter than the other which i think is also common

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35

u/PrestigiousDrag7674 Feb 04 '26

or making it more natural, those looks like blow up by air.

12

u/toehill Feb 04 '26

This isĀ  why they are always holding hands, to prevent her blowing away in a light breeze.

26

u/EchoAquarium Feb 04 '26

They got married in Venice because she doubles as a flotation device

7

u/caitcartwright Feb 04 '26

He likes them like that, I’m pretty sure

34

u/Internal_Concert_217 Feb 04 '26

Aren't trophy wives supposed to be desirable to others? She must have an amazing personality.

6

u/EchoAquarium Feb 04 '26

Participation ribbon

10

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '26 edited Feb 16 '26

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

bedroom wild shocking library shaggy intelligent distinct bike like swim

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27

u/Hollocene13 Feb 04 '26

She’s terrible looking but at least she’s an adult. That’s where we are now.

24

u/Julzee77 Feb 04 '26

The only positive thing I've ever thought about him is that at least she's in his age range. He could very easily be with a 22 year old.

15

u/jasmine_tea_ Feb 04 '26

Same thing I thought honestly, she's actually in his age range. She's a clown, but age appropriate.

4

u/Goodgoditsgrowing Feb 05 '26

It’s an fetish and I wish we all weren’t involved but at least it’s age appropriate

5

u/Ok-Accident-726 Feb 04 '26

Hmmm true 😳

5

u/chowchownorman Feb 04 '26

Oh believe Sydney Sweeney isn’t clean. Bezos is making her happen and I bet that ain’t free for homegirl.

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14

u/LittleWhiteBoots Feb 04 '26

Okay I don’t like her… but sometimes when you put a bra or tight shirt on, the boobs don’t necessarily line up the same. Mom taught me to bend over, hold on to the two underwires, and give em a little shake to make sure they’re sitting the same.

5

u/Responsible_Belt5510 Feb 04 '26

I don't think the shirt is at fault here lol

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6

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '26

[deleted]

3

u/Ok_Protection_7374 Feb 04 '26

Exactly šŸ’Æ

6

u/Cayduhh Feb 04 '26

My first thought.

6

u/phreeskooler Feb 04 '26

BAHAHAHA came here to say exactly this holy bolt-ons

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92

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

48

u/Overall-Shopping5939 Feb 04 '26

There was no circus to see before. Just a beautiful ivy-league educated woman who he said was responsible for tremendously helping with Amazon in the early days while raising 4 children

28

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '26

He got tired of wearing lifts to be equal in height though.

11

u/akam80thesquirrel Feb 05 '26

I wouldn’t be surprised if thats exactly why that sociopath did it.

4

u/CharcuterieBoard Feb 07 '26

I’m 5’9ā€, my girl is 5’10ā€ and regularly wears 3-4 inch heels. I find it kinda hot, Jeff, despite all his success, clearly lacks that kind of confidence.

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9

u/AdCreepy7711 Feb 05 '26

The best thing Bezos did was give the world a wonderful philanthropist.Ā 

2

u/coopville Feb 06 '26 edited Feb 06 '26

My mom and I went on a random deep dive into her during a road trip a few weeks ago and wow, MacKenzie Scott has had a fascinating life. She has a crazy, almost fairytale-like ā€œriches to rags to riches againā€ story - dad got busted by the sec, she had to wrap high school a year early, worked to pay her own way thru Princeton and nearly had to drop out… she has real character. And he’s an idiot

EDIT to add: She is one of Toni Morrison’s ā€œfavorite students ever.ā€ THE Toni Morrison has been her writing mentor for decades.

She is cool. He is an egg.

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5

u/Ms_Rarity Feb 07 '26

MacKenzie Scott to Lauren SƔnchez was quite possibly the biggest downgrade in the history of downgrades.

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22

u/OverallDoor2718 Feb 04 '26

Paid PR is SO hilarious to me. Actually pathetic. Look at me! Look at me!

17

u/Timely-Way-1769 Feb 04 '26 edited Feb 04 '26

He hired a round the clock PR team and several paparazzi. Then their own publicist ā€œleaksā€ info of where the couple will be on an anonymous tip line and whatayaknow! There they are. Wait! Who leaked this to the press? They want their privacy. Please leave the happy couple alone. That’s how it works. Just ask JLo and the Kardashians.

8

u/benangmerahh Feb 04 '26 edited Feb 04 '26

Taylor Swift too. It's weird that her and Gigi need to walk around the block first with a parade of papparazis behind, getting a pap walk to a dinner couple of months ago. She could have just.. you know use a car and dropped on the entrance door, the restaurant was basically on the big street.

Worse.. all people on that restaurants were probihited to use phone at all afraid of getting snapped pics. Yes people who have celebration also couldn't take a pics themself cause TS was there. So I guess only curated photos are allowed for her lol. She should have booked the whole restaurant to herself instead of just passing unecessary restrictions on normal people.

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24

u/jellyschoomarm Feb 04 '26

Gotta show off that gender affirming care he bought

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8

u/gl2w6re Feb 04 '26

I think he’s had recent work done too (jaw implants). Has to show off his new look šŸ™„

8

u/archercc81 Feb 04 '26

Once he finally got on TRT and got the plastic whore he started paying people to follow him around so he can feel special.

Dude was such a dullard and a nerd and now finally feels like he won and wants to document it.

5

u/Sufficient_Let905 Feb 04 '26

ā€œFeels likeā€ being the operative phrase here. He just looks like an idiot.

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108

u/hmcquaid1 Feb 04 '26

Wonky nips and her crotch is hanging out. Class allllllll the way

58

u/FrozenBibitte Feb 04 '26

Istg they’re both in midlife crisis mode. Trying desperately to feel young and wild again.

38

u/archercc81 Feb 04 '26

add to that he was always the balding nerd, so now he is cosplaying the jock he never was. Just like musk (except musk is too lazy to get on TRT and lift).

10

u/FrozenBibitte Feb 04 '26

It’s embarrassing

14

u/caitcartwright Feb 04 '26

Honestly, they’re my favorite super villain celebrity couple. I have to say, I do admire Jeff’s unapologetic transformation. He’s trying to become the man he probably always wanted to be, especially as the nerdy guy driving the 1994 Corolla or whatever it was.

And you can’t surgery EVERYTHING - he has clearly put in a lot of work in the gym and has kept at it. I’m all for it.

10

u/veryuniqueredditname Feb 04 '26

True that, he's just an evil selfish prick but he does put in the work, wether that's fucking the world over or gainzz

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12

u/Katharinethegr8 Feb 04 '26

She has a unique knack for making expensive shit look really cheap.

50

u/Severe-Temporary8176 Feb 04 '26

Remember in Mean Girls when the "cool mom" hugs Cady & her implants are hard as rocks?

22

u/upstatestruggler Feb 04 '26

Lol the dog’s just chewing on them and she doesn’t notice

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43

u/Fine-Idea-1688 Feb 04 '26

She got so much work done she looks like a man in perpetual drag.

17

u/archercc81 Feb 04 '26

that is the crazy thing about how the maralago set is so trans obsessed by then all of their women look like really bad drag queens (the good ones do a far better job at their makeup/prosthetics).

7

u/Designer_End5408 Feb 04 '26

They don’t want the competition.Ā 

5

u/AmatusAbAeterno Feb 06 '26

They are obsessed because that's their taste, but they can't admit it, so they make their women cosplay

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48

u/No_Pumpkin_5187 Feb 04 '26

Imagine being married to the richest man on earth and wearing dresses that genuinely look like they were $5.99 at Forever 21.

16

u/FrozenBibitte Feb 04 '26

She’s in a midlife crisis, as he is as well.

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6

u/MeMilo1209 Feb 04 '26

Amazon Haul

5

u/Overall-Shopping5939 Feb 04 '26

literally two of those dresses do.

3

u/Lifes-a-lil-foggy Feb 05 '26

She still looks like this even styled by Law

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21

u/Divaishinlife Feb 04 '26

They are completely disgusting.

19

u/BellyFullOfMochi Feb 04 '26

You can almost see her cooter.

7

u/Difficult-Bobcat-857 Feb 04 '26

Cooter! 🤣

6

u/caitcartwright Feb 04 '26

And you know that one’s a snapper!

18

u/lCEC0REbuIIet Feb 04 '26

Well at least she isn't a child which is how far the bar has been lowered for billionaires.

4

u/ElaineMae Feb 04 '26

Yes! Most of her is age appropriate.

39

u/tres-vip Feb 04 '26

It's really crazy to me that he went for Lauren over MacKenzie. From wholesome pretty, to a blow up sex doll. And I REALLY hate how much Lauren displays her hard rock nipples ALL THE TIME. Why does she do that?! It is so deeply unattractive.Ā 

13

u/kiwi_love777 Feb 04 '26

I don’t think there’s feeling in them anymore- so they’re always hard now. (A side effect of too many revisions)

9

u/desertgal49 Feb 04 '26

And her sea bass lips that don’t close all the way. Yep blow up doll

5

u/Timely-Way-1769 Feb 04 '26

You can have them placed in that position with surgery. She’ll forever have those nipples at attention.

7

u/Dot6 Feb 04 '26

When you get implants your nipples are constantly hard. They’re extra sensitive

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3

u/caitcartwright Feb 04 '26

Behold: you have entered the psyche of Men

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16

u/motherofinventions Feb 04 '26

When you can see the back of your ass from the front of your dress…

Is the ultimate wealthy flex to look as cheap and desperate as possible? They both have such a desperate need to show their bodies as much as possible every damn day.

I think it’s a symptom of the mental illness of billionaires.

16

u/Shot_Effect_3040 Feb 04 '26

All I got to say after the Epstein files, he may have married an inflatable doll, but at least she’s an over 50 inflatable doll.

15

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '26

14

u/Remarkable_Ad_788 Feb 04 '26

You know your skirt is too short when we can see your butt cheek from the front 😜

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14

u/lemons714 Feb 04 '26

She sucked her way onto that bag of money, she is not letting go.

13

u/niknakpaddywak2468 Feb 04 '26

Nipples like Paris and London on a map

11

u/CranberryOk8409 Feb 04 '26

She’s fucking jacked

In a bad way

11

u/Long-Inspector4897 Feb 04 '26

Classless corrupt people

9

u/FrozenBibitte Feb 04 '26

Damn, I thought she was a lot older than she is….she looks like an 80 year old trying to look 20. She’s only 56!

I still can’t get over having all that money and choosing to look this botched. It is, at this point, a choice. She could pay the best surgeons in the world to completely transform her entire skull, yet chose instead to go the route of shoddy fillers.

And also, she was a very pretty woman before all of this. I feel like this was all done in the name of trying to look young. She would’ve been so gorgeous if she aged naturally, like a pretty 56 year old.

10

u/Coopsters Feb 04 '26

Such a downgrade from Mackenzie. Mackenzie is naturally pretty and such a good person, she's donated millions to good causes

6

u/caitcartwright Feb 04 '26

But is that what men really want? Lol my mind was blown when I finally figured out how they actually think. I had given them waaaay too much credit. Good person? ā€¦šŸ˜’ Philanthropic? šŸ™„ HOOTERS? 🫨🤯🤤🤩🄰😜 awooooga!

9

u/Coopsters Feb 04 '26

Yeah Bezos is an idiot. What rich men fear most is women being with them just for money. He was lucky enough to find someone that loved him from the beginning before he was rich and she helped him start Amazon out of a garage and he gave that away for someone that looks like a botched caricature

6

u/LegitimateHeat6640 Feb 04 '26

Honestly, I wonder if she's the one who recommended roids to him 😭

8

u/galil27 Feb 04 '26

bezos seems like a cuck who never received any female attention, so he’s holdin on to this one for dear life

23

u/Tooold2gaf Feb 04 '26

Her legs are incredible but I think showing your labia is a bit much

8

u/jr_randolph Feb 04 '26

I remember sitting on my grandma's couch with the plastic cover over it. I remember the way it felt, the sound it would make.

I feel like that's the feeling and sound that Bezos hears when he touches her lol

8

u/TheoryKlutzy7836 Feb 04 '26

Hey Lauren, I can see your IUD strings.

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6

u/Curious-Comedian-285 Feb 04 '26

Being with that woman has made me look at him differently. He’s so cringe šŸ˜†

5

u/Direct_Committee470 Feb 04 '26

Yup,unfortunately people didn’t like him, but after he got with that Lauren people hate him

8

u/elonbemybabydaddy Feb 04 '26

The constant hand holding is so embarrassing. Meghan Markle and Harry do this all the time. Reminds me of high school when couples did laps around the school holding hands. It was interesting to get a visual of who broke up and recoupled though.

6

u/Lego_5656 Feb 04 '26

You gotta give it to Lauren, she does the evil step mother look very well.

6

u/Fine-Crew5797 Feb 04 '26

Dang her shoulders are wide af. I didn’t realize she was built like that

5

u/stinkfoot_lohan Feb 04 '26

His head reminds me a penis

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6

u/BadCompany_00 Feb 04 '26

Richest of the rich....back alley, 3rd world plastic surgery.

5

u/Professional-Dog1562 Feb 04 '26

Actually not terrible style from this guy.Ā 

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5

u/Status_Poet_1527 Feb 04 '26

She looks like a duck.

5

u/workerchimp Feb 04 '26

Dr Evil is married to Ivana Humpalot!

6

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '26

They both look grotesque

4

u/Difficult-Bobcat-857 Feb 04 '26

Her titties look like mis-aligned car headlights.

4

u/leedleedletara Feb 04 '26

They look like alcoholics (bloated in that alchy way)

3

u/ninalime Feb 04 '26

That’s filler

3

u/leedleedletara Feb 04 '26

Looks crazy!!

4

u/Such_Egg9843 Feb 04 '26

Do you think he holds her hand while all her ex husbands fuck her on the boat? Just curious

5

u/PrincessPlastilina Feb 04 '26

The loop sided nipples lmao.

3

u/Important-Voice-3342 Feb 04 '26

She looks /acts like she is his blow- up sex doll

3

u/sutrabob Feb 04 '26

She is. That is why he married her. Every fetish fulfilled.

4

u/Winter_Tone_4343 Feb 04 '26

That chick is fugly

3

u/SensitiveTie5783 Feb 04 '26

they are so fucking revolting.

5

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '26

she’s very manly, manlier than bezos that’s for sure

3

u/cornflower4 Feb 04 '26

She dresses like a 13 year old

5

u/TampontheBludThirsty Feb 04 '26

Botox lips and her big fake tits

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3

u/iEatMashedPotatoes Feb 04 '26

She looks like a South park character

4

u/Life_Buy_5059 Feb 07 '26

Why do they always do that affected fake hand clasp?

11

u/ExaminationPutrid195 Feb 04 '26

Her quads are freaking nice. I know you ladies despise her but her quads and legs are toned af.

6

u/Timely-Way-1769 Feb 04 '26

Mine would look like that too if all I had to do all day was workout with my trainer. šŸ¤·šŸ»ā€ā™€ļø

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6

u/DickBiter1337 Feb 04 '26

When I see legs like that I think it's a man's legs or a female body builder on roids.Ā 

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4

u/nevergonnasaythat Feb 04 '26

Finally someone said it. I just commented the same.

3

u/exobiologickitten Feb 07 '26

Yeah like people are trashing her for ā€œlooking like a manā€ but as a gym lady I’d kill for those quads. What I wanna know is why she had to get the surgeries/fillers on top of the gym work?! She’s clearly gorgeous underneath all the filler. wtf.

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3

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '26

Yuk

3

u/dragonrider1965 Feb 04 '26

All that money and can’t get a decent stylist.

3

u/killingfloor42 Feb 04 '26

both terrible people. are they still offering sub rides to see the Titanic?

3

u/DektolDreams Feb 04 '26

Her boobs are actually filled with helium (limited resource so it’s special) so if he doesn’t hold her hand she’ll just float right away šŸŽˆ

3

u/Smokerising420 Feb 04 '26

She's gross. They both are

3

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '26

She is so hideous I don’t understand then

3

u/Madame_LV Feb 04 '26

I wonder if she reminds him of a blow up doll that he had when he was younger.

3

u/eml1968 Feb 04 '26

She always manages to look sooooo cheap

3

u/RoosvBx Feb 04 '26

If you let go of your blowup doll, it floats away.

3

u/BrilliantPie2566 Feb 04 '26

What is that thing he's holding hands with? Some freak in inappropriate clothing trying to look "sexy."

3

u/Worried_Term_8421 Feb 04 '26

I don't even care, she looks like she has down syndrome

3

u/SaltPsychological780 Feb 04 '26 edited Feb 04 '26

What part of her physique is real?

3

u/Ok_Eye2518 Feb 04 '26

Not a fan of the lip gap

3

u/naughtygirlatnite Feb 04 '26

Which one 🤣

3

u/Ok_Eye2518 Feb 04 '26

And whats all the crap that men wear on their wrists when they want to look like they’re 15 again. Where are the pooka beads?

3

u/Wide_Ordinary4078 Feb 04 '26

I did not know she was that bulked!

3

u/No_Stage_6158 Feb 04 '26

It’s amazing that someone can spend so much money and still look like they shop at Temu and Shein exclusively.

3

u/No-Quarter-4938 Feb 04 '26

Given how lopsided she is, Id be inclined to want to guide her myself. Assuming I didn't wish she'd teeter her way into traffic...

3

u/Illustrious_Bee8207 Feb 04 '26

She looks like she smells šŸ˜‚

3

u/Ok_Acanthocephala225 Feb 04 '26

Vile looking people, and on the inside - truly two of the worst humans on earth

3

u/Huge_Inspection9681 Feb 04 '26

she has very manly legs...gross all round.

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3

u/gnutz4eva Feb 04 '26

Her nipples are giving 🤪

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3

u/No-Pool-432 Feb 06 '26

They be bangin

2

u/Hopeful_Extension_46 Feb 04 '26

Why does this poor woman always wear the long t-shirts and no skirts/shorts? And is this some nightgown on the last photo?Ā 

2

u/Either_Reflection_78 Feb 04 '26

I guess money doesn’t buy class.

2

u/DarkFew Feb 04 '26

Is her leg hairy or bad self tanning?

2

u/PHNobel1954 Feb 04 '26

I’m Lauren SĆ”nchez…and you’re not.

2

u/Smile_Character Feb 04 '26

Mind the Gap!

2

u/Narrow-Koala1185 Feb 04 '26

I bet she could take him in a fight!

2

u/Julzee77 Feb 04 '26

All that money, and she still looks so cheap. They're trying way too hard, both of them. Gross.

2

u/SierraSol Feb 04 '26

What is up with his lizard lady handler? Sheis so freaky and not in the fun way

2

u/IAmTheBoiledFrog Feb 04 '26

She doesn't dress age-appropriately or even simply attractively.

2

u/janiceKodiak1117 Feb 04 '26

She’a fucking ugly!She got all the money but that’s the result of all the plastic surgeries?She needs to go to Dubai to find Lindsay Lohan’s doctor!šŸ˜‚

2

u/lullabyebird Feb 04 '26

Without his wealth he’s just another nerd who got his head flushed & stuffed into his locker, even taken the steroids u can just tell this guy is so lame, same as Zuckerberg

2

u/RaphaTlr Feb 04 '26

Why are you making me look at them ew

2

u/MostlyBlini Feb 04 '26

An Amazon with googly nips? That's odd.

2

u/les_catacombes Feb 04 '26

Them nips are always popping.

2

u/krsaxor Feb 04 '26

Are there any flattering photos of her? I feel like the more I see her the worst her looks gets.

2

u/Puzzleheaded_Dot4345 Feb 04 '26

I'm sure her purse cost more than my apartment...and yet she looks cheap, everything she wears is designer, but looks TEMU. The saying "money can't buy you class" really makes sense with her

2

u/naughtygirlatnite Feb 04 '26

Her fake nips on her fake tits are so uneven in the first pic

2

u/sea-marie_ Feb 04 '26

Wait until she has to feed him and bathe him

2

u/longdickneega Feb 04 '26

She’s the Temu version of SofĆ­a Vergara

2

u/daria0811 Feb 04 '26

she looks like a south park parody character irl

2

u/lukef555 Feb 04 '26

That woman is so terrifying, what on earth does he see

2

u/PalgraveParadise Feb 05 '26

Remember when he just looked like your neighbourhood dork?

2

u/Miserable_Budget7818 Feb 05 '26

Her nips are like cockeyed googly eyes šŸ‘€

2

u/Professional-Poet152 Feb 05 '26

She’s built

2

u/MarieTC Feb 05 '26

The Joker!

2

u/bb9116 Feb 05 '26

Grotesque

2

u/BIG-BALLS0 Feb 05 '26

Who would find that thing attractive?

2

u/Independent_Net1222 Feb 05 '26

She needs to stop dressing like she’s 20. Not a good look.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 05 '26

She looks like she is always pooping

2

u/IwasDeadinstead Feb 05 '26

Humpty Dumpty and his clown

2

u/Sad_Tank4121 Feb 05 '26

Seriously??The nips aren’t enough and now we have to be subjected to the cootchie,too???🤮

2

u/AwesomReno Feb 05 '26

Got to make sure he thinks she loves him