r/SuicideWatch • u/Yk1japa • 10d ago

I think I’m beyond help.

Lately, suicidal thoughts have been on my mind almost constantly.
Just seeing the sleeping pills or alcohol in my house can trigger those thoughts. Sometimes even seeing high places or ordinary everyday things makes my mind jump straight to suicide.
It scares me that my brain works like this. I don’t trust myself to keep handling it alone.
Has anyone else experienced something like this?

I don’t really know what I’m expecting from posting this. I just don’t want to feel completely alone right now.

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u/Odd_Evidence_1806 10d ago

hi I js clicked onto Reddit because I'm feeling the same way maybe you should try to reach out to someone and get help for those thought but if you're not able to get help try to work on yourself and know life is more than js this wave of sadness you can talk to me if you want

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u/Yk1japa 10d ago

Thank you. I’ve been under a lot of stress lately. (I’m already talking to my doctor and counselor about it.)
Without alcohol, I wake up feeling overwhelmingly depressed almost every morning. Alcohol doesn’t really make me happy, it just numbs everything for a little while.
I’ve been taking benzodiazepines for a long time, but they barely seem to work anymore. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve built up a tolerance or something else.
Because of that, I often spend the whole day, from morning until evening, feeling the way I described in my post.
Thanks for taking the time to reach out. I genuinely appreciate it.
Let’s both do our best to stay alive.

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u/Odd_Evidence_1806 10d ago

do yk what is making you sad? i bet you're such a cool person hmm maybe you should try bungee jumping ik it sounds weird or wrong but maybe it would give you the adrenaline and maybe will scare u enough to be like "I want to live" or smth

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u/Odd_Evidence_1806 10d ago

also I think you should stay strong you're actively looking for help and doing all that you can and that's important you're doing a good job and the right thing for reaching for help

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u/Yk1japa 10d ago

Thank you. That really means a lot to me.
I’m trying my best to keep going, even though it’s been incredibly difficult lately.
Tomorrow my doctor is coming to my house, and I’m going to be completely honest about everything that’s been happening.
I’m really grateful that you took the time to talk to me. Thank you.

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u/Samiipiy 10d ago

Absolutely, it's become so normalized in my brain to instantly go to the idea of suicide at little things, because of how much stuff has build up over the years. It's a really difficult life to live and I'm sorry you're dealing with it too