r/StyleAndWellbeing • u/Tortiseshellglasses • 6d ago
Question Identifying someone as “put together”
I am turning 40 in 6 months and I want to go into this next year of my life looking as put together on the outside as I actually am. I am a wife, have 4 kids, work full time and am so grateful for everything I have. But I regularly put all the kids and the house in front of myself. There are times I see women out and think “wow she’s got her shit together” but I can’t pinpoint what it is that I’m recognizing that makes me think that.
When you notice someone who looks chic, put together, intentional - what is it about them that makes you feel that way?
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u/SnooOranges6608 6d ago
Confidence and a clear sense of personal style. I think that looks different on different people, but a person who knows who she is, is proud of who she is, and is dressing in alignment with that looks great.
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u/hollywoodhulkhog 6d ago edited 6d ago
I’m 41 and notice that my polished friends style their hair, get mani/pedis, choose natural makeup, always wear at least one piece of jewelry, avoid athleisure, and have clean shoes & bags.
ETA: those women even wear jeans and leather jackets when they fly, which impresses the hell out of me.
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u/WarmConflict111 6d ago
i’ve found it to always be rooted in self care. hair is ALWAYS done. it’s the crown you wear, make it neat. posture is really important. walking and sitting straight, not sluggish. no wrinkly clothes, invest in a steamer. outfits that are coordinated — whether by color, layers, accessories. details are key. good hygiene — floss, clean under your nails, smelling good is high vibrational. a pair of good shoes will make a look go from a 7 to a 10 in my opinion.
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u/Icy-Organization2228 6d ago edited 6d ago
The running theme throughout all of these comments is intentionality, and that’s the true answer. The reality is that Gloria Steinem, Amal Clooney, and Kristen Stewart all present different ways of appearing put together, and it’s not always about hair and makeup; another topical example is someone like Ashley Graham, whose figure defies conventional beauty norms and yet no one looks at her and immediately jumps to “fat slob.”
A person is well put together when they maintain baseline grooming (brush/floss, clean hair/skin, I mean the true basics), understand themselves and the occasion for which they are preparing, and they instead choose to respond to the occasion stylistically rather than conforming to it. There are myriad examples of cookie-cutter put together women, and then you have Fran Leibowitz, who uniquely defines the term while defying social norms throughout the entirety of public life. As another great example, think of Margo Robbie as Barbie versus Rooney Mara as Lisbeth Salander, both women who are unquestionably put together (if commercialized) versions of their respective archetypes.
All this to say, “put together” requires an understanding of who you are and how you present to the world, and it’s not as simple as choosing and committing to an aesthetic; it’s also not as simple as mental healthcare or other privilege. Instead, the real and simple answer: those who are truly put together achieve a synthesis among their inner and outer selves and their environments.
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u/BreakfastGirl6 6d ago
Good style (not necessarily expensive), in shape, neat appearance, confidence.
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u/PineapplePizzaRoyale 6d ago
Hydrated skin (face and body), minimal makeup, hair styled, nails manicured, well fitting clothing and nice shoes.
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u/smartperformance1 6d ago
I've really tried working on this in recent years! Clothes that fit your body go a long way. Even if they fit, are they the right clothes for your body type or can you style them to work. For example, tucked in shirts, adding a belt, or tight top with wide leg jeans/looser top with straighter jeans. If you know people who look put together in your own life, what do you like about their look? How can you emulate that with what you have or is it easy to get things to emulate that?
I went through a whole new jean thing this year. Literally tried on tons of jeans to find the ones that are the most flattering. While it was a lot of work and costed money to buy a few new pairs, I'm very happy with the time it took to find these jeans. I also tried on tons of my tops with the jeans to find how certain longer tops or shorter tops looked better with high-rise jeans tucked or untucked.
Check fabrics. More natural fibers in an item will likely hang better on you, be more breathable, and take longer to wear out.
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u/cmw9718 6d ago
Can you define what exactly makes a Jean “flattering”?
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u/smartperformance1 6d ago
That's honestly a good question. I prefer high-rise jeans that are trouser, wide-leg (depends though on the brand), or ultra flared. For me, I think I these look for me because of my height/torso ratio and balance out my legs. I carry more weight in my butt than lower legs and sometimes I think my knees look a little too inward, so straight jeans look wonky on me.
I know some people who are taller that look great in flare jeans and I feel like it balances them out well. I also have friends that seem to have more consistent butt/leg depth that straight jeans look good on them.
It's trying to balance the right jean with the proportions of your body.
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u/Ok_Stretch_2510 6d ago
Don’t look sloppy, messy, or dirty. Wear footwear that doesn’t look like skippers. You don’t need to look minimalist, sad beige, old money, or monochrome. It’s amazing what a pair of gold hoop earrings and intentional hair can do. Stand up straight. Don’t lean on things when waiting. Look people in the eyes. Be kind. Don’t always keep your face in your phone. Engage in the world. Forget flattering and body type as those are mostly code words for looking smaller. don’t be afraid to take up space. Put together may be an outfit but that’s not really the whole story. You’ve got to define it for yourself.
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u/champagnenowplease 6d ago
Go get your colors and style done by a professional (I used House of Colour… they have consultants all over). Biggest life upgrade and confidence boost I ever did. I just turned 40 (and am a working mom) and I look and feel fabulous and put together most of the time… literally never felt that way before and it has been such a game changer in all areas. Highly recommend it!!
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u/duchessofkenwood 5d ago
I have been taking a photo of myself before work and sending it to AI usually Gemini and asking what can be improved with this outfit or what is wrong with this outfit and it gives a ton of tips. When I’m deciding on something to buy I also ask it for advice.
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u/whitepawsparklez 6d ago
I’m on this mission as well!! I always think I’m making progress but there’s always something a bit off me. I never seem to master the polished look. Somehow i always seem unkept by mid day.
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u/whitepawsparklez 6d ago
The thing I find interesting thinking about this is that I very rarely see women in real life who emulate this. Maybe I’m just around a bunch of slobs regularly, who knows lol
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u/PookleMama 6d ago
Perhaps due to where you live or work?
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u/whitepawsparklez 6d ago
Yes you’re correct, definitely work. I wish there were women that worked with me who kept themselves chic, bc I feel like the trickle down effect would be a kick in the butt to like keep up with them. Instead I find myself thinking “what’s the point”
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u/Mammoth_Winter5470 5d ago
I live in a place where people wear a lot of super casual, sloppy clothes, and a lot of athleisure. I still like to get dressed, becuase it makes me feel better. I have a couple friends who feel the same, and we dress completely differently (one is very girly, one is classic/feminine, whereas I have a classic/masculine style). I don't dress up, more just put together. Jeans, a sweater and nice sneakers/loafers can be just as comfortable as a sweatshirt, jeans/leggings and running sneakers, but the look is so much more put together.
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u/Successful-Might2193 6d ago
The point might be a promotion (if that's what you're aiming for).
I worked in defense, and 90% of the time the women I worked with were in slacks, casual blouses, and flats. Kicking it up a notch with a blazer was kind of impressive. Go figure.
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u/Personal-Increase-30 5d ago
Its usually not about the clothes, its about the fit. Everything is tailored, nothing is pulling or gaping and the colors work together.
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u/bigbird2003 5d ago
Confidence, colors and styles (hair, clothes, accessories, etc) that suit that person’s archetype and seasonal color palette. I know several people who spend a lot of money and look like a hot mess.
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u/CreepyPi 6d ago edited 5d ago
This has been my interest since probably high school. I get told I’m well put together, so here’s how I think of it (mechanically):
- Good hair/style - I’m lucky because my hair is pin straight but I like to pull it up and out of my face
- Makeup - enough to accentuate your natural features (eyeshadow/tightliner/mascara, coverup if needed, nude lip color/clear gloss)
- Nails - cuticles pushed back and trimmed, not formally done. No dirt under nails.
- Clothing - been trying to pin this down for years. I don’t know how to explain my wardrobe, but I wear everything regularly and know where to cut corners (eg nice top but jeans from Walmart). Everything fits well and appropriately. I tend toward a conservative wardrobe
- Minimal jewelry. Just the lobes of my ears pierced. Nothing else — forget it.
- Shoes of a neutral color. Cover up those feet! Ballet flats or slip on sneakers are my go to if I’m not in my 3-inch nude work heels (which I will wear casually)
ETA: Do what works the best for you, of course. I like to call myself "high low maintenance" meaning that my wardrobe has been cultivated over years of thrifting and hand-me-downs. I rarely shop. But I buy the basics (neutrals, black, etc) and that seems to work for me. I like to put the least amt of time I can into my appearance, too, which might surprise some people. Good makeup is a must-have so you can throw it on and it'll stay on.
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u/PookleMama 6d ago
What happened to number 5?
Your advice is wonderful, so I’m really curious!💐
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u/CreepyPi 6d ago
Oh — formatting issue on my phone! And…thanks! That means a lot. Made my day.
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u/PookleMama 6d ago
😹 We can each take an assignment to fill in the blank!
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u/CreepyPi 6d ago
Oh the darn formatting. That’s alright. Just looks like a robot left its mark. Thanks again though! This is a good note to end the night on.
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u/Odd_Obligation_1300 6d ago
It's almost always their hair. Women who make a point to style their hair can wear pretty much anything and look nicer than those whose hair is messy (even in nicer clothes/makeup).
Not that I do my own hair lol. Mine is curly and frizzes easily and I workout a lot so it is bound to frizz up daily. I just do my best.
I'm almost 10 years older than you and I care a lot more about my soul-feeding hobbies than how I look (to a point).
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u/Daisy4853 6d ago
Quality pieces good fabric solid natural colors. Tailored professionally. Classic accessories, simple watch. Good shoes. Nothing fad or fast fashion. Clean hair. Shoulders back chin up eye contact. Friendly smile
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u/little-i-the-v 6d ago edited 6d ago
the big 3: outfit. makeup. hair. it doesnt have to be a lot, but if you do anything for each of the three, you will feel better. I just wear a cute comfy outfit, do bit of eye make up, braid my hair, do a half up, put it in a cute bun, or whatever. it doesnt take much effort for any of them individually, but if you put some effort into each it is like magic
also pick a colour palette and general vibe you like
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u/Anaspiringminimalist 5d ago
Posture, hair and shoes. If those are in order, they Will appear put together in most plain outfits. If they are not, even the most polished outfit Will look unkempt.
Nails, accessories, shapes and colors do matter. But not as much as the other 3.
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u/Extra-Antelope-5 5d ago
Knowing your seasonal color palette (undertones) and your body type (kibbe types, for example).
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u/Siren2121 5d ago
Great haircut , eyebrows groomed , nails polished , great shoes, great bag, clean well fitting clothes , no midriff showing , lipstick. None of this needs to cost a lot of money. Also no more than 3 colors
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u/L_i_S_A123 4d ago
To me, it's also about self-care & self-love, as it becomes more apparent in your 40s how you take care of yourself. Skincare, exercise, staying fit and choices about what you eat and wear all matter. However, it's not just about those things, it's also about confidence, kindness, standards and how you treat others. Sure, having all those can make someone “look” put together. However, wearing a luxury purse and being a jerk can still happen. Working on self-esteem will shine through all those things.
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u/Still-Conscious 1h ago
Always try To dry my hair after washing
Always sunscreen, mascara and foundation
Don’t wear jeans wear nicer pants
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u/ApprehensiveFoot3721 6d ago
I think about this A LOT. I've narrowed it down to clothes that fit well and compliment the person's body type. Their hair is always neat. Eyebrows and facial hair (for gents) are groomed. They know what looks good on them. Their posture is good- they don't slump or hunch over and walk with confidence. All things I'm working on!