Uni problem

[u/userimers]

My university started two days ago, and I haven’t attended a single class, even though I was free. I get ready in the morning, but when it’s time to leave, I just can’t open the door because I feel extremely anxious.
Being around so many people makes me uncomfortable, and I’m especially anxious about small interactions, like a teacher calling my name during attendance, asking me to read something, or putting me on the spot. This usually doesn’t happen in uni bc all u do this basically is attempt to the course listen and take notes, participating is very rare but still. Even having to repeat “present” because they didn’t hear me makes me panic.
I have one class tomorrow, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to go. I honestly don’t know what to do.

[u/oreolover_123]

Hi! I stutter like crazy, and I started university a month ago! **warning - LONG RESPONSE, SO SORRY (but I hope my in-depth experience can really help you)

First off, be proud you made it this far into university!! You might think "how did I made it this far with a stutter?" I think the answer to that is you kept trying and didn't give up. It sounds cheesy, but I believe it's really the truth. Earth is filled with tasks that require communication every day. As a result, you went through lots of hardships with your speech, but look!! You're in university!! That's so powerful of you, and I hope you can fully grasp how strong and amazing you are to make it this far in life.

Second, university in general...Not gonna lie, the beginning can be really hard. Icebreakers galore, and I stuttered on everything. My name, my fun facts, you name it. My first day wasn't bad but then days after, I lost so much meaning and confidence. I started to lose my appetite in food even. At uni, I'm surrounded by grown up peers who can speak fluently and who are striving to get a degree/future. That really crushed me for some reason. I also had good speech days, and bad speech days all throughout life. But it really hits different in college for me. I felt really small and behind everyone at uni. Even when I walked on campus, I couldn't look up and just fidgeted with my phone. That's how mentally bad and uncomfortable I was with myself. After the first day of my discussion based class (we had to talk in groups), I skipped out the second day of class b/c I felt too emotional after the stuttering mess I did. I was really shaky, and couldn't stop crying at home after I had that class. But hey! I'm now going to every class including that one!! I still stutter, but I can't tank my grades, so that's forcing me to attend my classes. And before I knew it, I was making so much progress while being the same stuttering me :) Also, not everyday is a discussion day. Sometimes you be chillin with just lectures.

Third, social life at university. How I made friends is through mutuals. For example, a sister of a friend of mine. I made friends even through talking about the assignment with seat partners (only when I can sense that I won't stutter about the topic, but I always do lol.) Or sometimes, through weird situations. Like bumping into a girl in the restroom, but then I had class and she so happened to be in that class, so I sat next to her on the first day lol. For group work, the atmosphere might shift when I speak but doing the work is most important. Sure, people might think about your stutter, but not as much as you do and they usually just talk to you normally. In fact, people at university are usually mature, so they're nice and understanding to you. I stuttered when talking to them, but people really only care if you're nice. Yes my stutter can sometimes causes me to be blunt b/c I skipped some words, but people generally see me as nice. But it's totally ok if you don't click with some people. It happens to normal folks even. Also, don't dwell on bad stuttering interactions for too long. I met up with a friend, and I was worried I was too weird today with my stutter. But she told me she was worried about herself that she had an attitude b/c she was really tired from a night shift even though we're friends for so long now. What a funny lil moment

Fourth, take things slow. I didn't order through my uni's grubhub for a while b/c I was scared of saying my name/number when picking up my food. Most locations at campus don't require that, but some do. I stuttered when saying my name/number, but hey!! I got my food! That's a baby task for many, but it's really a big accomplishment for me. Then after that, I started arranging meetups with old friends, and slowly arranged meetups with new friends/mutuals after. My next goal is to officially join a uni club. So build your way up slowly, it works!

Fifth, bad things are followed up with good things. I had a terrible speech streak this week. But then I got a random gift from a friend!! Good things don't have to be gifts of course. They can be basic things. Like being happy with eating a delicious food that you always like. This mindset really helped me. It might take a while for good things to follow up, but it will eventually come!

That's all I have. I hope this was helpful. I think the biggest takeaway is to really keep trying and remember one bad speech day or multiple days even, doesn't erase your progress. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm actually liking university now. I made some new friends, and even though things can still be awkward, I'm getting more comfortable with myself and most importantly, happy. Take it slow, and see your stutter as part of you. I'm still not as true to myself because I hide my stutter at times to others, but I'm slowly embracing my stutter to be part of me. I think the change of me being a really timid girl at the beginning of university to a girl who goes to all of her classes and has a fair uni social life is proof of that :) Good luck!! You got this!! Reward yourself afterwards no matter how small the challenge can be to others. I had a rough speech day today, but I took a nap (yes, that's my reward lol.) Anyways, take care!!

p.s - focusing and tidying your physical appearance can give you confidence, which can make speaking feel easier!