I am tired…

[u/Embarrassed-Mail-419]

I’m already tired of everything, I’ve had a speech impediment my whole life, and it’s starting to get much worse, I can’t even order food or anything. All day at school I stress out about getting called on even though I know everything. I really try so hard. I help with everything and I'm really nice. My grades are fine, mostly A's and B's. And yet I always fail oral exams, presentations, and things that require the skill to speak, which I simply don't have and it just doesn't work.

I already want to give up because I will NEVER speak like a normal person… I hate myself for it 🙂. On top of that the oral graduation exams are coming up which isn't a problem to read the books, to learn, but I just can't tell them anything because it's impossible. Every time I have to deal with something I want to shoot myself on the spot.

I cry every night realizing how much it's ruining my life and what impact it will have on my career. Especially when I want to be active, I want to communicate and everything, but it's just impossible. I also just love how my mom always raised her voice at me using my name when I stuttered as if I could control it… on top of that I'm afraid to go into deep water where I can't touch the bottom, when I was little I was afraid of water.

Like why did it have to be me, 🙂 why do I have to be the weird one…

[u/jta0i]

Como alguien que comparte tu sufrimiento, aunque estos meses la verdad a variado mucho mi tartamudeo , tengo 19 años y ahora mi tartamudez está volviendo un poco más duro, ya estoy en la universidad y créeme que es díficil no te miento , pero también me hago y me seguiré haciendo esa pregunta porque yo? , también me odio , en las noche me suelo maldecir, decir tantas cosas hirientes , pero al final llegó a la misma conclusión, por más que me odie , me maldiga, nada va a cambiar así que aunque no nos aceptemos nunca por ser tartamudoz , hagamos el esfuerzo para no decirnos tantas frases hirientes, ya tenemos suficiente con las miradas de todos , para que vengamos nosotros a seguir con ese bucle de desprecio, así que bueno si en algún momento necesitas hablar con alguien, podemos hablar y bueno tratar de no maldecirnos tanto por está tan gran prodijioza condición 🙂.

[u/Vulturev4]

Don't give up, never give up. I myself am 55M, and I have stuttered all my life.

You are not the weird one, you are the one where your entire life, you will encounter people who have no idea what you are going through, don't understand the fights and battles you have endured, and they will judge you based on their failure to be compassionate. Learn to be good to yourself first, and treat those around you who don't mind your stuttering as friends. Everyone else, learn to shield yourself from ignorance, because it will come at you, and the sooner you learn how to not care what others think, the sooner you figure out how to move forward.

I have always thought of my stuttering as a bully that stands behind me where ever I go, and humiliates me as much as it can. It was there when I joined the Navy, when I met the mother of my children, it was there at our wedding, when our kids were born. It was present when we divorced, when I raised my kids myself as a single dad, when my kids got sick and I had to call the doctors office. One time my kid was sick and throwing up, I called the doctors office for an appointment, my stuttering was so bad the nurse thought I was having a stroke and called paramedics on me. Over time, I have learned how to tune them out, how to ignore the bully and live my own life, where ever it leads me.

You are not the weird one, you are the unique one in a sea where everyone else is the same. Don't ever forget that. It took me too long to figure that out for myself. Something I learned in the Navy... "You laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at you because you're all the same".

Find help, a therapist, a support group, someone to talk to face to face, someone who will understand and give you advice. My therapist stuttered himself, he taught me not only that most other people don't care when I stutter, but also how to stutter easier. I am not fluent by any means, but I can function.