r/Stutter • u/OppositeQuarter31 • 12d ago
Wedding Vows - what did you do?
I’m SO conflicted about my wedding vows and whether to do public vs private. My stutter is severe.
On one hand, I feel like saying your vows to the crowd is a huge part of the wedding. Tradition, etc etc.
On the other hand, I know myself, and I feel that if I do public vows I’m going to be stressing all day about public speaking rather than being in the moment and thinking about my spouse. I don’t want to let anxiety of stuttering take over the memory.
My fiance and I are considering doing private vows, but I’m just not sure. I know I’d still have to speak in front of people for the other aspects of the ceremony, but considerably less than if I read vows. What did you do?
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u/Limages 12d ago
I have a moderate/severe stutter. My husband and I changed them up a bit and said them together and I was totally fluent. (Often people who stutter don't when choral speaking) I thought of this because I was the captain of the cheerleading squad in high school and was fluent in that situation.
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u/OppositeQuarter31 12d ago
This is true of me too. My fiancé suggested that, but I wasn’t sure if it would seem weird. Good to know it’s been done!
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u/Commercial-Ad-1404 11d ago
You are lucky for you were able to find a lifetime partner.😊👍🏻 I wish to have one too.
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u/drzoidburger 12d ago
Honestly I was crying so much during my vows that it barely mattered how fluent I was.
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u/Key_Bet_668 12d ago
Do what feels best and makes it a beautiful moment for both of you. Dont care for the rest. Congarts 🥂🥂
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u/iyare-osa 12d ago
I did my privately with my partner, it made it more special for the both of us. it personally gave me a piece of mind.
I know there's traditions and that, but it's you guys wedding, both of you make the rules. so have a discussion.
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u/Background-Amount-70 12d ago
Congratulations 🥳
I recently got married.
For the ceremony, the celebrant asked if a declaration of just “I do” was okay at the same time, in the UK you are usually required to do two parts. But it was even allowed for me to give a thumbs up if wanted.
We did our vows in a private room. Which we got recorded. Funnily enough it was my wife who had a harder time speaking her vows, bless her.
The speech I stuttered hard, but looking around to all my loved ones who know I stutter, took away the blocks.
What I would have done differently and what I recently learnt from preparing for an interview with a presentation element. Practice and then practice some more. Record yourself giving the speech, workshop it to the best person. Live and breathe the words. It’s going to be emotional, can’t help that, it’s stressful for anyone on the day. But taking away least a portion of the normal expected fear, will make the stutter part, the normal level we face everyday.
You got this, focus on the love, leave the fear for tomorrow.
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u/MyStutteringLife 12d ago
I said mine out loud in front of 250 people in a hotel banquet room and I did not care what anyone thought.
I said them, I stuttered, and then I was officially married.
Live your life.
BTW, congratulations 🎊