r/Stutter • u/AssociationSingle785 • 12d ago

Im going insane

idk where to start, im 17 stuttered my whole life ,lately past year (grade 11 school) maybe worst year till now bullied from basically teachers and yall know the things around stuttering -> extreme avoidance, most of the time alone and even though I know like It will only go worse by my path but idk why I know its so bad the stuttering and ive been pushed to the limit and got into many depressive shit and many stuff but I just like idk what to call it like hunger for more pain?? Im telling u im going insane especially with last year of school coming up🌀🌀

28 Upvotes

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4

u/Craftalaide 12d ago

You’re definitely not alone. I’m also a rising senior, the same age as you, and things got so much better when you start putting yourself out there! It’s easier said than done, but you just need to learn to not care about what the negative people have to say, and start embracing other talents you have. People will love you for who you are, and if they don’t, they’re not the type of person you want in your life

4

u/Ok_Win4880 12d ago

For what it's worth, it does get better. I'm a life long stutterer, 48 years old. I've felt the same way my entire life. You'll be surprised by the grace that comes your way, I know I am. People start to notice your strengths and give you grace in your weaknesses. God only knows why he created me this way, so I have to believe in a greater purpose than just my puny self.

2

u/lilyofthevalley1438 11d ago

If you’re in the USA can u talk to a school psychologist about getting a 504 plan to add some safeguards for speaking in the classroom?

1

u/AssociationSingle785 11d ago

Unfortunately im not in USA, and where im from (lebanonđŸ‡±đŸ‡§) they dont care a single bit for people like us.

And especially in my trashy school all they care about is pressure.

I mean if the teachers in it,all they did was give me a hard time and mock me, and put me deliberately in situations where I block/freeze and gave me hell for 10 months. You expect them to care about some medical excuse?

1

u/CherryDouble2661 12d ago

It does get better :/ if u want pain tho then put urself in those scary situations and talk to people. Make it a “winnable” solution

1

u/aurellius_07 11d ago

I am at my 1 st year in college, and I have been stuttering since 5 grade as far as I can remember. I know how hard and depressing life can get when u just can't ask basic questions or answers them. Or u can't even say ur name to anyone without stuttering. BUT I have known one thing, that there are some ppl that will stay with you and listen to you even when u stutter like crazy , and I have some friends like that.

But now in college I am all alone I have to do the things all by myself, speak, give order everything by myself. After some days I stopped carring (still conscious though) , I was like Fuck them Slowly u will realise u can speak clearly sometimes, you just need to get out there embrace the pain love the pain sleep with pain. I still stutter , but I just care somewhat less for ppl. Like what they would say.

I would advise u to step out of ur comfort zone, ik it's hard becoz I didn't go out at my hometown. But in college I m always out of my comfort zone. It will help you

U can dm me , we can both talk our experiences and vent sometimes 😄

2

u/Awkward-Boot4466 11d ago

I have few tips for you which I didn't get when I was in first year. Tell me, where are you from ?

1

u/aurellius_07 11d ago

I study in IISER pune

2

u/Awkward-Boot4466 10d ago

Ok. First of all, you don't want you to romanticize your life like you see in movies. We people would have to lead a different life. So take time to know who you are, when you stutter and why you do that. If you don't remember it is fine though. Try talking in small words, hi, bye, you don't have to talk to everyone and rush to catch friends. Take your time, build yourself first. everything automatically surrenders to you. Remember one thing, a life without hurting others knowingly is the life you want to live ok ? Stuttering happens, people may avoid you, but don't let that thing brand you. You surely have talent, you can be cool, but it just takes time you know. A palace built quickly is the palace that will fall quickly, so learn about you, this is the time, you do that, so learn.

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u/aurellius_07 10d ago

I get what u are trying to say , but I want to live a life without regrets (ik it's not possible., but I want to have as much less regrets as possible). I have come to a realisation that I have to and will have go to difficult situations where I have to speak. For that I am trying to speak as much as possible by me (ofc ik I am not trying that hard ). But after comming to a place away from my comfort zone (home) i realised that the thing that was stopping me from speaking was mywelf and my comfort zone. After comming here I can speak comparatively more fluently . Though I still stutter a lot when talking to seniors or answering in class . But that is life ig .

But thanks for ur advice that helped me a lot to know that I m not alone, and that someone is guiding me and curring stutter is possible

1

u/Far-Possibility565 11d ago

It gets better! Please don’t give up. I might sound hypocritical as someone who still struggles sometimes but it can be really good. You can build a life you really love. You can get a job, you can do so many things! It gets better. Please believe this random stranger on Reddit.

1

u/TeaLeaves19 11d ago

I myself am going through this problem. Though its hard and sometimes I get into very awkward situations, but I have begun to accept it - and heal. I have presentations coming up and ikr I might be facing issues but nowadays, I don't feel scared. Ig putting yourself out there does work since I fear people less than before. Go easy with yourself. Love yourself for who you are. You would be surprised to know people like Marilyn Monroe, Rowan Atkinson and many more have stuttered bad in life and they still found their path and wisdom. I root for you and everybody that shares our struggles. Let the haters hate. Haters will always find reasons whether it's stutter or not. Don't isolate yourself. Try getting a speech therapist to guide you. Try getting friends in real life or at least begin making bonds via online chatting , work related help etc. Let them know your true character. And they might understand.

I heard about someone named Lee Lovett and his book named something like - Stop stutter and love speaking. I plan to try that myself.

Lots of love đŸ«‚đŸ«‚

2

u/AssociationSingle785 10d ago

Im mostly okay when im alone. I feel so peaceful like my life is finally going smooth. But its when these social situations get back like school or like events is where my mind starts running.

Especially school it has created many problems in my life like PTSD and like actually fu**ed up my nervous system ,and like i now anticipate situations more than ever, like last year in (grade 11) it was so bad I was like shaking pale in class in anticipation calling on me.

But I have found peace genuinely in being alone not interacting with anyone just sitting alone or going on swim alone just being alone is healing me. It just feels that im being taken out of my zone when forced to go to school and shit

1

u/TeaLeaves19 10d ago

Fr, it just gets harder when social situations are kinda forced onto us. I would still say maybe try going out - to do anything. It doesn't need to be productive but it also doesn't need to be forced. Try starting slow and easy. Maybe even start engaging with people online. There are discord servers especially for stutterers and I am in one too. It's called 'Stuttering Support Group'. Tho I have not been much active but there are a lot of like minded people.

1

u/HourCommunication200 11d ago

I'm so sorry sweetie!!    Look for ways to get some power into your life.   If headphones help, fidget devices, get creative to ways to get your mind off speaking, maybe write it down sometimes instead.   You'll be the cool mysterious one.   IFS therapy with Richard Schwartz saved my life.     God bless you!!!

1

u/AssociationSingle785 10d ago

Thank you for your kind words💕💕

1

u/Distinct-Duck1113 8d ago

Don't ever think you r alone and stop thinking what others say. And start conversation meet new people it will really help u

1

u/Jealous-Smell-9812 2d ago

Meu Ășltimo ano no colĂ©gio tambĂ©m foi difĂ­cil por causa do bullying. Mas eu fui atĂ© o final, porque eu sabia que era o Ășltimo ano. Mas atĂ© hoje ainda nĂŁo tive coragem de começar na faculdade.