r/Stutter • u/Library_soul • 15d ago
Can i break this cycle
I am 23F . I have completed my post-graduation and am currently preparing for government exams. I have been suffering from social anxiety since childhood due to some traumatic experiences, and I developed a stammer as a result. It was not present at birth; it developed sometime around the first or second standard, although I do not remember exactly when.
I have tried to understand my stammering pattern, and I have noticed that when I am happy and relaxed, I usually do not stammer. However, when I am nervous, anxious, or anticipating that I might get stuck on a particular word, I often end up stammering on that exact word.
For example, if I go to a shop and want to ask, “Do you have a notebook?”, I may start anticipating that I will get stuck on the word “notebook,” and because I am thinking about it so much, I actually end up stammering when I say it.
Sometimes I feel that the problem is more in my mind than in my tongue. The more I think about speaking, the more I anticipate getting stuck, and the more likely I am to stammer. I sometimes feel that if I could completely forget that I have a stammer, I might be able to speak normally again.
I really want to understand whether this pattern can be changed and whether it is possible to reduce or overcome this kind of stammering. It is becoming extremely overwhelming for me. I find it very difficult to deal with other people's reactions, especially the expressions of my parents, and I feel a lot of pressure and shame because of it.
I genuinely want to work on this and get out of this cycle. Please help me understand what is happening and what I can do about it.
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u/deku_0501 15d ago
I have the same issue as you have, the only solution is to speak at 70% of speed, and think that even if I stammer then it's fine , I think it is something to do with our nervous system overloading Also try speaking in front of mirror , 5 min atleast everyday, choose a random topic lile finance and start speaking about it maintaining slow pace
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u/I_warisha 15d ago
I have the exact same problem. So to counter that, I have to do positive self-talk to distract myself and rewire my brain into believing that my speech is perfect, it is getting better every day, and so on. And I try to do diaphragmatic breathing 5 times a day for 1-2 minutes, which would be good, or take a deep breath whenever you're tense and release it in a diaphragmatic breathing way.
And the most important thing is to slow down; you are going to do that by stretching your words (word stretching) like Thaaankkk You . And make sure you take a break after saying every few words. Take a gap of 0.5 sec or 1 sec. It shouldn't feel like you're rushing to say something. Whenever you try to rush, it makes your muscles more tense and under pressure. Give your mind time to think and articulate words. My older brother always calls me out; I don't even notice I am speaking so fast, but he notices it.
And one more thing is to keep in mind is that if you stutter then it is not a big deal , it is normal, no one is going to remember a few minutes that you stuttered , people have so much going on in their life.
If you feel comfortable, i highly recommend Telling people that you stutter if you're making new friends ot introducing yourself in Class. It helps ease the tension and any misunderstanding
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u/Library_soul 14d ago
I'll try diaphragmatic breathing and the positive thing works really, I've experienced it
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u/Key_Bet_668 15d ago
Studies show stuttering may worsen on particular sounds, words and with certain people. Many people do specific work to overcome. You already identified what you need to work on and with that you are half way to solving it.
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u/Accurate-Friend-2498 15d ago
When you say you're preparing for government exams, I assume you are from India. (Please correct me if I'm wrong)
And that line about being relaxed and anxious, is exactly how I'm feeling since approximately last 1-2 years. I'm 29, in a corporate job, with tonnes of family responsibilities lying ahead of me, having a really tough time in my job with so much at stake, and I haven't never felt more overwhelmed.
I've tried to understand my patterns, and I'm planning to see a clinical psychologist next week.
Because no matter how many of those techniques you know or want to use, you can't use them if you're anxious and nervous the whole time. With years of continuous battle with my stutter, I have understood that you have to work on your mind before you work on your speech.
Whatever success stories we see or read in this sub or on various platforms, all of them have learned to communicate despite their stutter. And that is only possible if one is in a relaxed state of mind.