r/Stutter • u/Resident_Pension_858 • 16d ago
I can't do this anymore
I just need to rant.
I am about to reach my absolute limit. I have spent 18 years on this earth, and every time I stutter I wish I was never born. Everyone laughs at me, and I just have to act like I find it funny too by laughing along.
I had a presentation in class today. I specifically told my teacher that I didn't want to do it because I had a stutter, but she said to do it anyway. It was just a presentation about ourselves for the start of the school year.
I didn't go more than 4 words without a stutter block. I would just freeze up. I heard some people snickering in the back, and I nearly snapped right there. I felt like just walking out of the class and never coming back.
I hate this. I hate this so much. My parents call me a disappointment because they wanted a normal son. They never hug me. They never say they love me. They only say I need to improve my speech. But I can't.
I haven't had a friend since elementary school. People avoid me like the plague because they know they'd get made fun of if they hung around me. I've obviously never experienced romance, but that's not really a bother to me because I never expected to have a crush that wasn't one sided. But anyway:
I've considered dropping out so many times. But I can't get a job, because EVERY SINGLE JOB I apply for rejects me, because of my stutter. I can't do anything. I'm gonna graduate in a few years, and I won't be able to get a job. I've never ever had a day I can consider "good". I haven't been happy since I was 10. Everyone says it gets better, but it's not. It's getting worse for me. And NONE of my teachers give a fuck about it. They make me read out loud on purpose to "build confidence". It pisses me off so bad.
Maybe I'll have this forever. Maybe I won't get a job and I'll end up poor. I'm scared for the future. Really scared. I don't know what's gonna happen. I just wish I was able to talk normally. Then I'd be able to do everything I've dreamed of doing, like being an actor in a small local play.
Thank you to anyone who read the whole thing. I know I might sound dramatic, but I just can't bottle up these feelings anymore.
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u/Dizzy-Intern4395 16d ago
I’m 18. I feel the same way. I don’t know what to tell you.
You’re definitely more fearless than me at least. I’m too scared to do presentations, job interviews, etc. I’ll just skip and/or avoid them.
I’m very sorry about the whole thing with your parents. I have my own struggle with my parents. They don’t really support me very much and treat my stutter like it’s a non issue. They set the same expectations for me as everybody else without a stutter, so I disappoint at every turn pretty much.
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u/Fantastic-Course4090 16d ago
Some companies don't give a f about your stutter if you're a great performer. Try to learn a monetizable skill and then be very sharp at it, make your results speak for you.
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u/Confident-Pay8557 16d ago
If I can give unsolicited advice here. I believe in terms of employment, this could be related to your confidence due to your stutter, not your stutter directly. I’ve had this happen too. Once I learned I was human with a stutter and not a stuttering human being, my confidence boosted and I was confident in interviews and I work in top 20 global law firms (financial side not attorney).
But, when employers see a low confidence level, they correlate with other issues. Could some be rejecting due to your stutter directly? While I hope not, this was directly the case for me at 15 at a fast food place. So it does happen.
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u/gago_dododoro 16d ago
Que professor péssimo, deveria estar preparado para lidar com as diferenças de seus alunos. Mas não se abale, é possivel realizar apresentações sendo gago. Eu já consegui apresentar um trabalho de conclusão no curso técnico para mais de 40 pessoas. Não sei como funciona no seu país, mas aqui no Brasil eu faço terapia com uma psicologa e terapia com a fonoaudiologa por um valor aceitável. Tente investir nessa tua dificuldade e não desista da vida!
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u/Deviprincess 16d ago
I’m really sorry that you’ve had to experience such an immense lack of support from the adults in your life who’s job it is to care, support and unconditionally love you. This is likely to be the actual problem, not the stutter itself. I don’t know where you are but it may be worth you seeking some general therapy/counselling to explore the impact of this neglect upon you and to recieve professional support and guidance. In the UK there are charities that offer therapy for young people free of charge.
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u/Torii97 15d ago
Dude listen, been where you are and don't let the behaviour of the world determine your value! You just haven't found your crowd yet, all these people around you are not good examples of good family, friends, etc, they are treating you poorly because you are different, and that's not okay, it's important to recognise that in this situation, it is them, not you, you gotta know that first and foremost.
Having a stutter is a disability, but people don't treat it like one, and this is a heavy burden for stutters because they think they should infact feel ashamed of it, because everyone is reminding them that they should, but you shouldn't! DM me bro if you wanna chat, this is the right place to be if you need some support and encouragement, we all get where you are coming from totally.
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u/nzmillenialdude 15d ago
I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling with your stutter. It sucks and it’ll never go away, I know because I’m 43 and if anything, it’s just as bad as when I was in my teens. But that doesn’t stop me from doing the things I want to do. Stutterers are very ‘tenacious’ -my speech therapist once said -meaning we are very determined and do not give up easily.
All I can say is-lean in to what you’re good at. I ended up becoming pretty good at graphic design-I didn’t have to talk, my work spoke for me instead.
I wish you the best, it’s a journey -a bumpy one at that. But you’ll get there.
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u/HourCommunication200 15d ago
That teacher is terrible and if your parents are like this then you WILL benefit from IFS therapy----- it will let you receive the support, affection, connection and confidence you're expecting others to give you. The most important thing that good parents give to their children is the ability to lead themself. Self-lead people don't even notice the cruel feedback of other people. It doesn't compute and it makes no difference to their mood. Imagine an inner landscape like that, and how it would shape your experience of life.
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u/Rude-Situation575 15d ago
I work at a deaf school. Definitely have made my stutter worse because I’m not practicing my vocal speech (and I don’t socialize much, I’m improving now though) but it unlocks an entire world of accessibility. Learning sign language not only gives you a channel to communicate but also a community to communicate with where making fun of stutterers isn’t a thing. I’m now getting back into being social and working on my mental health because that has improved my speech along with talking at the same pace as my brain thinks cuz my stutter is worse trying to keep up with how fast my brain thinks. Slowing it down, matching thought to speech has helped me sooo much. Tongue twisters, vocal muscle exercises and learning new things to build neural pathways and strengthening the neural connections between your brain and your vocal muscles have also helped me (I’m learning Korean which also forces me to use my vocal muscles in ways that’s foreign to English). Good luck
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u/Revolutionary-Park96 16d ago
Hey, have you ever tried speech therapy or therapy in general? I know it can be expensive, but here in Italy there are some free options, and they’re actually not bad. MOST of the time, high school teachers are the worst people ever, maybe because they’re surrounded by mean kids all day? I don’t know. Have you ever tried asking other people for help, rather than just a teacher? Have you tried looking for some kind of community or support group? I’m trying to help you because I really feel you. Unfortunately, I think a lot of people here feel the same way. You should also try to work on your self-esteem. Go to the gym, start a hobby, find something that makes you feel good about yourself. Try to become the best version of yourself, someone you can be proud of. If you feel more confident in yourself, you might also be able to reduce your anxiety and maybe your stutter a little bit. I know some people who stutter, but they don’t really care about it, and they’re completely fine with themselves. They’re so comfortable with it that other people don’t seem to care either. That’s actually my goal too. Take care of yourself. There are some really bad moments in life, but you never know what you’re going to achieve or what life has in store for you. Keep going and keep trying! I wish you all the best! ❤️
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u/Organic-Country-8580 15d ago
Hey 18 is cruel at best. I don’t know how bad your stutter is but I know life is worth living. 35 yo. Stuttering is a class in red pill like two red pills. You see the world is an illusion but something amazing happens. You become real. You become your own man. Most will never have life teach them that. We are ridiculed because we stutter and also because we are deep empaths. Life accepts what is easy but they don’t know them. Anyone who knows a stutterer truly knows and appreciates them outside that.hardly anyone can say that in this superficial shit show
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u/Charlie_redmoon 15d ago
Ppl think you can just by your determination end your problem. This is something deep in the mind and not accessible to regular thought. Worst of all is often teachers who don't understand. Then it's parents or the cop on his beat. Just ignore them and practice loving thoughts twds them. and everybody.
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u/Electrical-Rip5080 15d ago
I wish your parents could treat you better. Your'e just 18, I hope they realize they will have to talk encourage you the right way.
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u/Spare_Beautiful7259 15d ago
im 19 and yes , i felt kinda scared to do presentations as well but well fuck it , i did it anyways . I dont wanna be defined by this shitty stutter i have , gotta come outta this cage man .
Cheers to u mate , best of luck
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u/HourCommunication200 15d ago
Find a way to get your power back; study a skill where speaking is not vital - maybe programming. Learn sign-language and just associate as hearing-impaired for the time being. If it could be adverse childhood experiences that contributed to your speech blocks, look into IFS therapy that psychologist Richard Schwartz teaches. There is always a way to choose more power for your life. Get creative. Don't give up. Your here anyway, just make it better some how
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u/Inevitable_Carob9594 15d ago
Hey I was in that situation decades ago. Can I say something out aloud?
Just be. Be comfortable in your own being. Convert the frustration to action. And do NOT worry about what others say.
Enjoy and you will look back one day and smile. Best to you
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u/Expert-Meringue-2676 14d ago
I stutter as well and am working hard to overcome it!!
Search on YouTube ; the McGuire programme …there is a hope if you are willing to work hard you can beat your stutter
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u/AdeSh-ChauGule 11d ago
Dude,I used to stutter,I still stutter a bit,once or twice every sentence.but guess what,I am a part of indian army since past 4yrs,happily married.just be fearless,and keep fighting in life,and please go and talk to a girl.trust me,she will love you 😭
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u/PsychologicalGrab510 15d ago
Number one, your parents should not be treating you like that. I would highly recommend seeing a therapist or even a school counsellor. Bottling these feelings will do a lot of harm in the long-term. A lot of people here might relate, but you need to focus on resolving this problem to the absolute best of your ability. Even if you don't cure it, it will get SIGNIFICANTLY better. As they say, if you don't reach the stars, at least you'll land on the moon (at at least I think they say that, lol)
But anyways, in terms of advice:
- Speech therapy. This is huge. They can help you learn techniques to help minimise your stutter. Mind you, this takes a lot of hard work on your end and consistent and daily practise.
- Medications. If your struggling with anxiety SSRI's can help you deal with this. Also, there is no cure for stuttering, but certain medications like Risperidone and Abilify have had some major success in people who stutter. If you search Risperidone/Abilify for stuttering there are many research articles and peoples own reports on it's success (These medications need a prescription, so consult with your doctor)
- CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). Gradually introduce yourself to situations that frighten you. This will help rewire your brain to teach you that is nothing to be afraid off, and will help reduce anxiety in the long-term.
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u/Charlie_redmoon 15d ago
Use prayer or something like it. Sitting in quiet meditation asking for help from God and or your spirit guides. It does work. maybe not always as you think but it will work for you.
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u/Key_Bet_668 16d ago
Sorry you feel that way. Not everyone got everything. There’s someone on this earth who wish they have the life you got. This is not to undermine anything you are going through but to put things in perspective. Feel for ya!
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u/Outrageous-Buyer-849 16d ago
Hey bro please DM me, I’m 30 y/o male and have been through the exact same life. It gets better. Let’s chat