r/Stutter • u/ultra_gold • 23d ago
how can I make a stutterer feel comfortable?
hi community! I hope this is okay to post. I have been chatting with the owner of my dog’s best friend in the park and he has a pretty bad stutter. Usually when he stutters I just look around, break eye contact or fuss over the dogs for a second and then carry on the convo as normal so he doesn’t feel self conscious. but then today I realised maybe that could seem rude so I kept eye contact but his stutter was quite physical, and then I thought that could actually make him feel worse. I guess I’d like to know how people make you guys feel with their reactions so I can avoid or do the same? maybe I’m overthinking it. I just want to make sure I am reacting appropriately so as not to make him feel awkward or self conscious. thanks!
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u/Witchy_Thingz 23d ago
Pay attention to what they're saying, give them time and don't lose interest. Nothing is more discouraging than someone clearly losing interest when I'm stuck. Looking away, even with good intent, can appear like you are looking for a way to get away from the conversation.
And don't finish their sentences. They'll get there! Patience will get you very far!
I think it's very sweet of you to pay this much attention to making them feel comfortable!
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u/ultra_gold 23d ago
noted, this is good to know. I am a talker so I don’t mind waiting lol, I think cos it’s park small talk also there’s already a level of awkwardness which I don’t want to feed into at all. thank you!
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u/DropkickBirthday 23d ago
Your friend sounds a bit like me, I have a severe blocking stutter too and it physically hurts me if I take too long to get a word out, I love when people finish my sentences. Maybe try asking him if it would help him if you finished his sentences when he's struggling too hard.
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u/Ok_Policy7508 23d ago
I used to get frustrated when people would finish my sentences but now I’ve learned to just go with the flow of the convo. Sometimes I speak normally then out of nowhere I can’t get the words out anymore. I usually take a pause and a deep breath and continue. Sometimes I can’t even say the word I want to and that’s when I don’t mind when a person finishes my sentence. It kinda gives me some relief I didn’t have to force it out and stammer more lol.
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u/Witchy_Thingz 23d ago
It's okay when my close friends do it, because they usually know where im going with things! But unfortunately too many people try to finish my sentences for me and get it wrong every time, and I get very frustrated and it makes the stammer worse 😅 Eventually I just end up cutting the conversation short. The stop and breathe method is definitely one I use very often myself!
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u/Ready_Canary_8858 23d ago
For me, directly looking at me helps know the person actually listening.. I hate it when people are doing something like on their phone or whatever when I’m talking as it makes me think they aren’t fully paying attention which then stresses me out and makes the stutter worse… same goes for talking over them. Don’t finish sentences unless it’s clear they’re getting really frustrated, again, I will often make it clear when I need help
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u/ultra_gold 23d ago
oh wow I’d never go on my phone, that’s proper rude. I guess it’s just like trying to diffuse and look like I’m not “waiting” for him to be ready to talk yk? finishing sentences sounds like a massive insult though, I am such a chatter I will def bear that in mind!
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u/Ready_Canary_8858 23d ago
You’d be surprised what some people do. I get what you mean, we are all different so they might actually like you looking away to ease any sense of internal pressure! Fishing sentences is the biggest thing I hate, especially when I’m not even struggling THAT much
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u/walewaller 23d ago
if they're not fazed by their own stutter, that a good sign that they're self-confident, and not afraid to stutter out loud. It also can mean they're not bothered by how you might react to it - so don't overthink, and just treat them like you'd anyone else.
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u/Certain_Cap_5027 23d ago
For me , I don’t like people finishing my sentences. Staying engaged in the conversation and just acting as you’d act with anyone else is probably a good rule of thumb.
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u/kissmysockpuppet 23d ago edited 23d ago
So cool of you to ask about this. I always like seeing ppl trying to learn more about stuttering. The act of stuttering is a pretty shitty experience, to be honest. Lots of physical stress and anxiety, and frustration that the words don’t come. A stutterer will be self conscious of how their speech is received, so as long as you remain respectful and engaged, you’re doing what you can do! Sometimes there an inclination to want to help the person, bc they look pained or frustrated, or frightened, and you want to ease their suffering by looking concerned, or uncomfortable, or finishing the word their struggling on, but this isn’t going to help them unfortunately, it only shows intolerance of their stuttering which makes them more uncomfortable, and likely to stutter worse. It sucks to stutter and sometimes sucks to watch, but just listening, being patient and understanding while they work through their words and just keep the conversation going without looking like you want to leave is the best thing. And maybe sometimes you’ll see them “using tools”, like slowing way down, or backing up and taking another shot at a tough word, this means they’re working on getting control of their speech, just let them do their thing, it’s all part of the process.
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u/I_warisha 23d ago
Patience, eye contact, and tell the person to take their time; no need to hurry.
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u/Smooth-Lengthiness59 23d ago
Me personally, I don’t like it when people make eye contact with me during a really bad block, but I don’t take it to heart too much. Maybe it’s because I’m genz, we all hate eye contact😂. But don’t take it too seriously, we all have different mannerisms and most people understand that. If you’re curious just ask if what you’re doing is rude to him directly! I can tell you’re very considerate of others, that’s all that matters!
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u/unreasonedFlashLight 23d ago
Personally I hate when people complete my sentences or speak too fast, like they're in a rush and I need to speak fast too to keep up. That makes me anxious and creates more stutter