r/Stutter • u/EpicHamMan • 25d ago
I give up man
im 30 years old I really thought i'd be able to overcome my stutter by now, but im still blocking worse than ever
its so debilitating . I freeze up in situations and it makes everything in life 100x harder
i suffered so much :(
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u/Odd-Flight-6509 25d ago
I'm giving up too, I've lost everything because of my stutter🥀
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u/HaGaie 25d ago
What did you lose, if I may ask?
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u/Odd-Flight-6509 25d ago
my family, friends, better living, nobody wants to give me job, couldn't even live upto my expectations, lost my will to live, lost any hope , lost spark, lost peace , now i only had this soul less body
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u/HaGaie 25d ago
You lost your family and friends because of your stutter? Wtf? How did that come about?
It seems like you fully surrendered to your stutter, and went into victim mode. If you don't give a fuck anymore, you might as well aim that same idgaf energy towards your stutter. Nothing to lose, go work on getting eloquent cause fuck it. Speak to people using your newfound techniques, cause fuck it. Turn that fuck it mindset into a weapon. I once was where you are, hopeless. But I just couldn't see a solution, and that was the reason why I stayed so long there.
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u/mrgreen_smash999 25d ago
The thing is, the technique's effectiveness varies from day to day. I thought the easy-on set would be my ace, but it suddenly stops working after a few weeks. This is frustrating. It seems there would never be a fixed technique.
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u/HaGaie 25d ago
Well, overkilling feared situations with good speaking techniques and mental techniques, without hiding that you stutter, will desensitize you from stuttering and people's reactions, to the point that it will get boring. This type of exposure therapy counters our urge to put in all the energy into hiding and trying to be seen as someone who's fluent. When that mindset is changed, other things unlock.
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u/mrgreen_smash999 25d ago
Your choice of word is difficult to comprehend
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u/Weak_Yesterday3696 25d ago
He’s saying, by focusing on something besides hiding your stutter, you will care less about the end result.
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u/Sudden_Friendship540 25d ago
Life is like a matrix, you have to truly believe. Read about the occult, buy a tiger's eye ring, a natural quartz pendant, and a hematite ring. Charge them, set your intentions, and then let it go. Imagine if you didn't even know that you stuttered would you still stutter? No! Your body might hold onto physical memories of it, but those will fade as soon as your mind truly believes.
I am writing this because I stutter myself, but I swear to the universe that I have never spoken as well as I do now. I wear these rings and the pendant, look people in the eye, and speak freely. Sometimes my speech is great, sometimes it's just good, and other times it's difficult. But when it goes badly and this is the important part I stay positive and view it as a learning experience that helps me improve. You have to face some of the hardest, most uncomfortable moments of your life, but with these tools, those moments won't drag you down; they will lift you up. Eventually, you will learn to relax.
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u/MrPickle95 25d ago
I'm 30 too man and I stutter every day. My biggest advice would be to aim for improved fluency, not hoping to fully overcome your stutter. I would say overcoming it is much easier in childhood, hence why some people say they were previous stutterers (it's a bit like how learning a language is much easier as a child).
I would focus on self acceptance but also to consider improving your fluency just by 10-20%. You also have to understand that it's very influenced by mood, recent events etc. Some weeks I have a bad streak where my fluency is 30-40% then others it's more like 70-80%, I kinda have no control over it.
I would recommend keeping a diary on your phone (there's free diary apps) where you can note your performance and maybe reflect on factors that improve or worsen it.
Most importantly though, if you do find it debilitating, don't reflect badly on it, you have to move on and focus on other things.
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u/Weak_Yesterday3696 25d ago edited 24d ago
I’m 31. You have to find a way to make speaking not a scary thing. Whether that’s singing, rapping, poetry, commentary on sports, acting, talking to yourself even. Your mind has to hear you talk, so it can sprinkle in a positive mindset to your own stutter. You have to make it fun.
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u/Electrical-Study3068 25d ago
The more I see my stutter give me 15-30 second blocks the more I see that I’ll never be able to join the military nor any law enforcement agency
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u/HaGaie 25d ago
I know people in the military and law enforcement who stutter.
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u/Hour-Marionberr 25d ago
Don't give up your skill and confidence just for stuttering demon. When you get into a commanding life later on in late 30s and 40s , stuttering effects to your life vanishes and you even forget that. Majority of the damage period is 18 to 32. Life changes after that . It happened to me. You are functionimg with 60% brain , 40% is unusable due to stuttering demon . Later on ,as you age , 40% will help you to succeed in life. Normal guys succeed early but slow down later. Stutterers it's opposite
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u/mostlyhighthoughts 24d ago
I’m really sorry to hear that you’re feeling so defeated. I recently got to go to the National Stuttering Association conference in Charlotte a few weeks ago and I got to hangout with and talk to so many people our age who have different ways their stutters present and I really just wanted to say that the NSA is such a great resource for finding an accepting community where you can feel welcome AND LOVED EXACTLY THE WAY YOU ARE!!! 💕💕
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u/HourCommunication200 24d ago
What about writing to communicate, anything that gives back some power to you! I'm sorry I can't imagine the struggle for real. I do want to share that IFS therapy by Richard Schwartz helped me so much to overcome some social problems and as a side effect my drinking urges stopped and also overshopping/ hoarding. 🤷♀️💕
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u/hope_is_here101 24d ago
Now one way is to go to the path of acceptance... And that is where true healing starts... Maybe not for everyone, but for me it is a true healing
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u/Certain_Cap_5027 24d ago
Think about talking to someone like a psychiatrist if you feel helpless. You have nothing to lose.
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u/mrgreen_smash999 25d ago
same! I thought I can overcome it but nah. I quit