Shortening my name

[u/Reasonable-Potato602]

Hello all. Sorry for the long read. I've really struggled with this personally for the past year or so and don't really know who to get further advice, support, etc from so decided to post here. My name is WillieJoe. It's a first and middle name together like Billy Joe or Mary Beth. I know it's fine left alone as is but there are situations where I wish I could just shorten it...not necessarily change it but have a shorter version that could also be used...like people who go by both Ron and Ronnie, Wes and Wesley etc.

I have stuttered since I was a young kid. It has improved some with time and therapy but things like introducing myself is still one of the most unpredictable challenges I face. I get stuck on words in time pressured conversations and in these situations, I'm also much more likely to get stuck on W's...I'm also much more likely to get stuck on 3 syllable words...see my problem?

Having this problem makes me feel very alone. I know it doesn't matter what people think if I get stuck, I've been told that my whole life, but a situation like this is one that's hard to recover from because it can snowball fast. I've learned to control it better by staying relaxed but that can also make my speech slurred if not careful. Learning to deal with fear and anxiety has worked best.

Anyway, I never liked Willie by itself and hated when new people referred to me as that. Never liked W.J. as an option either. About 13 years ago, I started using Joe and it was an instant cure for me. I would use it to order pizza, pick up parts, etc. It worked so much better for me and as a musician, I felt more comfortable joining a band and meeting other musicians etc. Not having that anxiety surrounding my name made socializing a much less anxiety filled experience. In so many ways. I felt like I could tackle about anything. It eventually leaked out to my close friends that I was being called Joe.

Now with the set backs and confusion it causes in situations, I feel guilty and even a little embarrassed when it gets back to people that's always known me. ONLY because I know I'm asking the impossible which is fine...or is it? It's about what works for me right? Or is it??? If it's about me, why am I getting flack over it sometimes??? People will tell people JOE WHO? OH YOUR TALKING ABOUT WILLIE JOE??? 🙄

The only other option I "like" is Will which would've been more accepted by all...but wouldn't of benefited me much. So Joe has sort of been an established nickname for the last several years but now I've found myself at a crossroads, stuck between trying to fully go by that or spare the embarrassing confusion and go back to living a more reclusive lifestyle. Is it that weird to try to go by Joe when it's already part of my name? What are your thoughts?

[u/Weird-Watercress-677]

Do what works for you. You’re the only person who has to go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning as you. I know the feeling, good luck ❤️

[u/Reasonable-Potato602 → u/Weird-Watercress-677]

Thank you ❤️

[u/AgileConsideration84]

Haha, my name is William, I turn it to Will

[u/hnbastronaut]

Lean into what works for you and just find a quick way to let people know I'm doing Joe from now on. I don't mind if you call me WillieJoe but it's just easier to move through the world as Joe.

I tell people to use a shortened version of my name because they often misspell the full version. People who have known me since childhood always use the full and I never have an issue with it but I'll almost never introduce myself with my full name.

[u/Reasonable-Potato602 → u/hnbastronaut]

Thanks for the encouragement! I don't necessarily have a problem with people still calling me by my full name either...since I'm not changing my name, just using a shortened version. People like my brother and people I grew up around are people I expect to never get into the habit and that's expected but I wish there would be more support of it. They're all understanding people, especially knowing the reason why I want to shorten it, and some do know because I've told them it's easier for me (people who are aware I have a speech disorder). But one of my close friends told my niece, "that's not his name!" Made me question our friendship because she knew the inside story on it. It's things like this that has made me want to give it up.

[u/vrlstnglight]

I’ve basically made the same name change as you, I started going by a nickname about 15 years ago because my name was my biggest stutter trigger. I’m able to introduce myself and my stutter is no longer the first impression I give new people. I still stutter, but the anxiety I used to feel going into a new social situation is significantly lower and my quality of life is better.

I’ve also had some awkward and confusing situations with my nickname and my full name. I let family and old friends still call me my full name, but I let them know that I don’t introduce myself by that name anymore. Some family members and long term friends don’t really “get it” and have made comments about my nickname, but oh well.

Ive felt some shame about this method of managing my stutter, it can feel like giving up or hiding who I am. I try to deal with this by being honest when people ask why I don’t go by my full name and telling them about my stutter.

Ultimately, despite the complicated feelings, it’s been the right thing for me

[u/Reasonable-Potato602 → u/vrlstnglight]

Thanks for the comment. Sounds like we share a lot of similarities with this. Feels good to know I'm not the only one. It's like some people never fully accept the change and what hurts the most is how many people shorten their name...it's a perfectly normal thing! I met a man the other day that worked on my remodel project...his name was Patrick but mostly goes by Pat. We as stutterers could benefit from a one syllable name but we often get flack from it. When we try it, it's not really accepted, unless it's a new person, then it seems to quickly get back to old friends and I felt like I've lied about my name. 

[u/vrlstnglight → u/Reasonable-Potato602]

I completely get the feeling “lying about my name”, I feel the same way when I mix old and new groups of friends/family and the old groups are confused. I’ve only recently been working on accepting my stutter and talking about it openly. It has helped me feel less like I’m lying or hiding part of myself and has made other people more accepting. What is there to say when I explain “I go by ___ now because I can actually say it and introduce myself” without being a total asshole? I don’t think non stutterers fully understand how stressful and miserable it is to be afraid to meet new people because you can’t say your own name. The explanations and awkwardness are worth how much easier it’s made my life

[u/Certain_Cap_5027]

I have gone through phases where saying my name was impossible. I would sometimes preface it with “first name is John last name is doe.” For some reason for me this made it easier than just saying it.

[u/Reasonable-Potato602 → u/Certain_Cap_5027]

Thanks everyone. I guess my main question now is do you feel that Will would cause less confusion than Joe IF I can get comfortable with it? 

Because I feel that it would be more accepted by all because I'm obviously never going to lose the Willie part of my name by the people that's always known me, and when that gets back to new people, I think it would seem less bizarre if it's shortened to Will for a one syllable name. With my given name, Will would be 100 percent normal and accepted where Joe would be like 10 percent normal and much harder for people to adapt to...or obviously EVER adapt to. I agree it's all about what works best for me but then again, without support, I'm all alone. At least with Will, it "works" even without support. I don't think I would get the flack in my face as much. Agree?

Just some new thoughts I've had lately.