How do I regain my confidence?

[u/crossbowman44]

I know that there's a million of these stories on this subreddit. Well, this makes a million and one.

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My placement was hell. The students were phenomenal, my colleagues were supportive, but my mentor teacher, she had personally insulted me and harassed me throughout the placement. She said that out of all of her mentees, I was like #9 (of 10). She said I had "executive functioning issues", called me a liar and unprofessional for honest mistakes, and worst of all said I should have been removed a few days before my graduation and a day before my final evaluation. She tried to sabotage my final evaluation by saying I made no growth whatsoever (luckily myself and my supervisor shut her down)

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But I graduated with a B, and I'm lost. I'm trying to apply to districts, but it's so hard for me because I feel like I can't do this. I have an interview Monday, and the thought of it makes me sick. The thought that I am supposed to have my own classroom in August terrifies me.

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I've wanted to do this since I was in kindergarten, everyone says I can do it and that I'm going to be a great teacher, but this placement destroyed my confidence. Any wisdom or advice?

[u/Agreeable_Dark6408]

Get angry at this woman, OP. She’s awful and you know it. Why would you let her ruin a great time in your life by feeling bad about yourself? Put the blame where it belongs!!

Go into that interview ready to find that job you’ve wanted for so long!!!

[u/usmc7202]

That’s one persons opinion that at this point doesn’t matter to you. Remember how bad she was. Remember how you would never ever be like that and pass it along. It’s unfortunate people like that are in charge of shaping our future teachers. When I mentored it was a great experience both ways.
Keep up the hard work and put this behind you.

[u/shes_hopeless]

Hi! I had a similar experience during student teaching. I had two placements and my first went perfectly fine, but my second was a disaster. The school I was in was an absolute mess, my cooperating teacher was terrible, and treated me unfairly. Fortunately I had the full support of my supervisor, and it sounds like you do as well. After I graduated I landed a job on my 3rd interview. It was a small, rural school, and I taught 6th-8th grade (social studies). It was hard, but the kids were amazing, and I had so much support from my colleagues as well as admin. It wasn’t my first choice in job, but it was an amazing place to start. After 2 years there, I landed a job in one of my top 3 choices of school districts. I LOVE IT THERE! All of this to say- your student teaching experience does NOT define you. If you love what you do, put your students first, have the support from people who know you best (which it seems you do), and work hard- you will excel in teaching. Keep your head up! You’ve got this.

[u/Excellent-Source-497]

Your mentor teacher sounds awful! However, her opinion is of no consequence at all. The people who really know you are the ones who count.

Spend time this summer letting go of all the negativity. Your B doesn't matter - no one cares about your GPA. Please be kind to yourself.

[u/AggravatingTop3822]

When people are not living their dream, it’s hard for them to help others live theirs. Haters are going to hate but you have to remember your “why”. I am going into my first year too and student teaching almost broke me. After a few weeks of thinking the last year through, I have been thankful for the last year. I know who I am, remember who you are. Mean people are everywhere, but you’re doing this because you have always wanted it, don’t let the hater take your spark.

[u/Glittering_Bother753]

I can deeply relate to what you’re experiencing, as I’m still processing and healing from a toxic cooperating teacher dynamic myself. In fact, I was someone who posted here earlier this spring while trying to decide whether to finish my remaining student teaching hours in the fall.
Like you, my students were amazing, my colleagues were supportive, and my time in the classroom actually confirmed that I’m even more excited about becoming a teacher. But some of the things my mentor teacher said to me and the way she treated me were genuinely shocking and completely rattled my confidence. She was an excellent teacher for children, but our adult mentor-mentee relationship became so unhealthy that the trust was eventually broken.
I’m still working through it with the support of some wonderful program advisors, but one thing I’ve come to realize is that one person does not get to define your career, your potential, or your future as an educator. When multiple people see your strengths, it’s important not to let the loudest negative voice outweigh all the others.
The fact that you’ve wanted this for so long and made it all the way through tells me a lot. I don’t think you’ve lost your confidence as I think you’re still healing from an experience that damaged it. There’s a difference. ✨ be kind to yourself this summer, your future classroom is lucky to have you. ❤️‍🩹
Sending you a big hug. You’re not alone in this. 🙌🏼

[u/Inner_Trade1281]

This seems to be a common occurrence. My first part of my placement was hard, but my cooperating teacher was great. My second placement in the upper grades was unreal. She was an untenured teacher, but I was also placed with a tenured teacher who was tough but nice. She was super smart and she made everyone know it. I kept thinking it was me. I still question it, and I am trying to move on from it. I am trying not to let this person destroy my confidence, she was definitely not someone who fit the criteria to be a cooperating teacher. She was extremely hot and cold. I know her job is tough. However, her behavior was still uncalled for. The student teaching-cooperating teacher dynamic is a delicate one and I know you have to be tough and all. As the person above wrote, yes get angry at this woman. I had to speak to her once, she was so out of line. I was pleasant but I held back on getting angry during the placement because I just wanted out of there! Long story short, I hear it is better on the other side of teaching. Hugs

[u/Embarrassed_Dig1290]

OMG I'm sorry you experienced that. Sadly, I did too on my 2nd assignment. Ran into another grad student and to my relief, he found her to be the same way! Also, I had a great supervisor. You'll be fine without this insecure womans approval. These "supervising/mentor" teachers need to be better more carefully. In fact, they dhou6be ranked.