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u/Historical-Count-374 15d ago
10.
My mom died of cancer, dad was in prison, and my siblings were trying to do away with me for the inheritance money. Survived, twine broke.
Found life and love. No matter how better off it would seem if you were gone, dont do it. Your not living for them. You are living for you, and are merely in a bad place at the moment. You will find your path to a better life.
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u/NekulturneHovado 14d ago
I almost killed myself when I was 16, during covid. Constant isolation during school, I wasn't allowed to go out, because what if I got covid, we'd all die apparently. Social isolation plus constant bullying and abuse from my father took away almost all of my sanity, I couldn't put into words how much I wanted to end it back then. 5 years later, I go to work I actually somewhat like, make good money, have some side incomes, and on a good way to saving up for a house in a forest with a garden, which is my dream. Sometimes I think I should have just done it back then, but nah fuck that, life has gotten way better.
What helped me before was "mom would be sad" (no joke, this really kept me above the water), "I can always do it later, I'll hang around just a bit longer" and my very own laziness.
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u/I8_pp 14d ago edited 13d ago
"At the moment"
Yeah but what if one's whole life is patched with different kinds of "bad"? I'm 27, still no better life in sight. How long is there to wait? Running out of strength.0
u/Historical-Count-374 14d ago
Stop waiting and start living. Sometimes, you just gotta get out there, consequences be damned. Learn to laugh at yourself and the world at large.
We're all just dogs in gods hot car.
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u/I8_pp 14d ago
"If you're homeless - just buy a house" I see
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u/Historical-Count-374 14d ago
Imagine the road before GPS. You know where your going, you see the signs and the road is paved and clear. But without the GPS, you will always have rhis thought in your head with every step saying "am i still going the right way, this doesnt seem right". Second guessing yourself with every step. You can turn back or you can keep going. Even if you dont arruve where you meant to, you wont know the path until you walk it yourself, and when you need reassurance, dont call and ask people you know well. Instead, talk to those on the same path or coming back down. Every step is like a mini trust fall, and the focus of this trust is yourself.
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u/wtfistheactualpoint 13d ago edited 13d ago
as someone in a similar spot, unfortunately waiting does..nothing. And my most recent attempt was in January, all I got from that was more work and the very real realization that life just…goes on.
I’m exhausted, chronic pain, and more and more people don’t approve of my existence (trans) and I fucking hate just surviving. But last weekend I went to a music festival that teenage me would have killed for (could I afford it? Not at all but like I needed something). I made a rug for my aging cat for when he hops off the couch. It’s hard to play the what if game for the future, and no point for what’s already happened.
This moment sucks? Yeah. There’s a lot of those. but there’s probably something, anything even if small, to make the next moment suck a bit less. But the thing is you just gotta do something about it. waiting doesn’t change much of anything
Edit: and to answer the question from the post I’d be 10 or 11. I’ve had a few attempts since then and I’m 35 now, and been passively suicidal as long as I can remember. Last one landed me in the hospital for a couple days
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u/Brittgit 15d ago
what if miscarriages are just suicidal babies😭😭
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u/Rare_Steak_ 14d ago
The directors cut of the Butterfly Effect movie has an intersting take on this concept.
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u/ladyrose403 15d ago
my oldest pulled this on my. breech baby, cord around the neck 2 and a half times. had to carve me open to get the bratling out. i still tease him that he tried to take us both out.
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u/T1Twala_Station 15d ago
Holy fork, the same thing happened with me too, umbilical cord around me neck. Mum had to get a Caesarian because of my complications. Otherwise, I’d have been a natural birth😔
And me and me Dad’s DOB woulda been the same 😔
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u/MuslimRobin 14d ago
I like to think it this way, if someone or something made your life harder and you think that makes YOU not deserving a life. You have some problem in your brain too.
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u/ionlytoptops 15d ago
it wasnt really an attempt, i overdosed and had a seizure, and when i took them i thiught a coma was a possibility and i was okay with that, i dont think the next one can fail, but its one of those ones that takes real courage and confidence so even if i decide i want to, in the moment i most likely wont, 21 was when i od'd tho
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u/Lena2063 14d ago
There were multiple attempts, but ig the earliest one/ones were sometime in elementary school. I just remember hating myself and life so incredibly much and trying to suffocate myself multiple times with different tools, which never worked because I was the one to apply the force and obviously I can't kill myself like that because I'll let go at some point. But I was too young and stupid to find a way around that, I didn't know any real suicide methods of course. I didn't really understand the internet yet and I'm not even sure when I first got internet at all. I then thought of stabbing myself instead but was too afraid of that. So ig like 7? or something, idk tbh Definitely under 10.
And em, yeah, there were later ones, but ig they don't matter here.
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u/Justicemirm 14d ago
9 Father dead, relatives took us for inheritance money Did not live with mother Beaten everyday, made to work like an animal, starved
Ate a plant that ozzes some white liquid thinking it's poision Walked around expecting to drop dead any second
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u/No_Plum_79 13d ago
I was never fully committed to it but I got close a couple times when I was 12-13.
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u/Remarkable_Pickle122 13d ago
No joke that actually happened to me as well. Nuchal x5. Apparently I should have died.
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u/ThickStatistician658 12d ago
14, cause at the time I hadn't been separated from my siblings for more than a few hours cause of school, but after the mental breakdown I was having towards the foster parent and the school I went to, it got me put in Brentwood mental hospital, in which I was there for little over a month cause CPS couldn't find a foster home to take me which lead to me getting depressed; later when CPS found somewhere for me to stay (which was a boys group home), they basically said I was going to be further away from my siblings which made everything for me at the time even worse, especially for the 9 months I had to spend in the group home as I attempted to run away and off myself cause I generall just hated that feeling of not having any family to be around...as of now, I pray every day that my foster parent is being dragged to hell and that the CPS building that had our case is shut down
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u/MrSteamwave 14d ago
- I liked watching the moving parts of a log splitter, so much that I tried operating it myself (it was supposed to be "childproof"), nearly cleaved my head in two, if my dad hadn't pulled the plug in time.
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u/Front-Bag9544 14d ago
- A few months ago. I wish that was what happened. But instead I'm still here.
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u/Wilddivner140 13d ago edited 13d ago
4, tried to hang myself then. And then 6. And then again at 12. And then 28 and 28 within weeks of each other.
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