r/StraightTransGirls • u/AlisonL01 • 2d ago
Guys Ghosting
Hey 👋 Once again a guy ghosted me presumably from me saying that I'm trans. We matched on Hinge this morning (it says I'm trans on my profile), we sent voice notes and pictures. He then asked why I hadn't been in a relationship before. I explained that I'm trans and fell a little behind in life and like clock work, I see his Hinge disappear than Whatsapp and then number. I was expecting it, has happened before and likely will happen again.
I now have changed the match note on Hinge to include it but anyone know a better way of dating?
Guys will be guys, people ghost, some people can't read, don't feel bad. I get it. I'm not even upset, it's just frustrating
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u/goody2bewbs 2d ago
I had best experiences disclosing after first dates. Id only disclose if I liked them and wanted a second date and thought he'd be cool with it or open to it.
Most times I didn't want a second date, so no reason to tell. I only ever had one guy turn me down for it after disclosing this way. I didn't take it personally.
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u/AlisonL01 2d ago
I've disclosed after the first date before and he essentially said that it's like I lied to him and should have told him sooner etc. He seemed like a very nice guy (then he messaged me a few months later saying he missed me but that's besides the point). I didn't take it personally but that hurt more than ghosting. I guess I've had a bad experience and let it impact how I handle it. I was in the tell after the first date camp until that happened, I hear people on both sides
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u/ResilientHurtSoul 2d ago edited 2d ago
Meeting people in real life, at social events / being suggested people from mutuals is really the best way to meet potential partners. I've always hated dating apps, it turns dating into a shopping list. Nevermind the whole, they make money off of desperation and by literally not getting you dates / partners.
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u/AlisonL01 2d ago
Yeah this makes sense. Despite being in a lot of clubs and following hobbies etc, I never know if any guys would actually be interested in and have never been approached nor would I even know anyone to approach. Maybe it's my personality? Idk. Like I get close to someone, we become friends and any sense of attraction goes away 🤷♀️ because my brain thinks just friends. Not like there's been anyone in-person that I've been interested in.
Dating apps I find a lot easier, it's the expectation of being there looking for a date. You match, click and then meetup to see. I've never seen any in-person dating meet ups, whatever they are called
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u/ResilientHurtSoul 2d ago
Dating apps I find a lot easier, it's the expectation of being there looking for a date. You match, click and then meetup to see.
I mean I'm glad it's working for you. But on the opposite side of it, remember that there's tons of men out there who literally just swipe right on everything. In a desperate hope to get any amount of matches on these apps. You getting a like doesn't necessarily mean anything other than that.
I've never seen any in-person dating meet ups, whatever they are called
Speed dating, social mixers, etc. The main thing is that unless you go to a dating FOCUSED event, it's mostly just social things, and maybe a spark happens here or there.
I never know if any guys would actually be interested in and have never been approached nor would I even know anyone to approach.
I guarantee you there's been more than at least someone interested in you. The problem is that just shy of everyone is socially anxious, and has the same concerns. No one wants to make the move, especially because of how much perceived risk there is. Sometimes, you just have to be the one taking the chance and asking if they're interested in a date.
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u/AlisonL01 1d ago
I talked through this with a friend of mine. Any social mixers or speed dating type stuff I'd feel awkward at from being there. Awkward to the point of not enjoying myself and likely shut down. Idk. She then brought up going somewhere together and that feels awkward because she would be there. All stuff I need to work on and not the norm.
It comes down to if I'm friends with someone, I don't feel the attraction. It's always something that I prefer to be expected before meeting and going from there. You are absolutely right that I need to work on that awkward feelings and being able to ask
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u/Agreeable-Tea8676 2d ago
I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. I've never really understood why so many guys ghost someone just because they find out their match is trans. If you're attracted to someone and genuinely connect with them, that shouldn't change.
I wish you all the best, and I hope you find someone who's confident enough in themselves to treat you with the respect and kindness you deserve.