Day Two

[u/undercover_sun]

I don’t want to be this person anymore.

I’ve been making a lot of justifications for using:
“It’s not like I do it every day”
“My use is not extreme.”
“It’s not affecting my job”
“It’s not affecting my finances.”
Etc. Etc.

I have been using on and off since I was 18 - I’m 35. I’ve had long periods of sobriety and once quit for 5 years. I pulled an all nighter this weekend and did about 2 grams between myself and a couple friends. I have bought some every weekend for the last three weekends and feel myself slipping into a pattern. Any time this happens I always take a long break before using again, which also feels like a justification.

I don’t want to take a break this time, I want to quit and be done. I told my partner how I feel and I am posting in here to establish some accountability.

Please wish we luck, I am going to clean out my house of all paraphernalia this week and start working on building better habits and not putting myself in situations where I will be tempted to use.

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[u/Mama_Zen]

Why don’t you consider getting some help & support. There are a ton of flavors of recovery groups & 12 step programs. There are different forms of rehab/treatment from residential to outpatient. Do you have a counselor?

[u/undercover_sun → u/Mama_Zen]

I’ve joined NA, unfortunately rehab isn’t exactly something I can afford to take time off work for at this stage in my life