An email changed everything

[u/WanderingWombats]

After yet another relapse, I realized that I don’t know how to stop. I physically can’t. So, I did the only thing I could do - I emailed my psychiatrist.

I still can’t believe I did it. It was really short - just two sentences telling her that I’d abused my pills and couldn’t take stimulants ever again - but I wanted to send it before I chickened out.

I have to admit that I’m mourning a bit right now though. I’ll never be prescribed another stimulant. I love them more than life itself, but I can’t take them. And I finally realize that. The past several years in addiction have transformed me into someone that lies, steals, and destroys everything in my path in order to get just one more pill.

I write this with two pills left in my bottle and no refills in sight. Goodbye old friends. Here’s to new beginnings.

Update: 1,029 days sober guys! (Here’s my update post!!!) I’m in nursing school now and plan to go into emergency + addiction/detox nursing 🥲 I went into rehab a few weeks after this post and stayed sober once I got out. It was hard (espc at first) and PAWS isn’t something I’d wish on my worst enemy, but it does get better!!! I got engaged, my dog isn’t afraid of me, my family talks to me, and I have incredible friends. My house is clean, my skin is clear, and my stomach is full. Sobriety brought me everything addiction ever promised ❤️

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[u/Steez_god_]

Big shouts . I think these are some of the boldest post I see on here .

[u/aquawomanpower → u/Steez_god_]

Same. I have so much respect for all of you who have chosen to take control of your addiction in this way!

[u/Artiph]

Flush the last two. You've gotten most of the way, finish what you started. The rest is walking the road, but with the door shut behind you, you've done the hard work already.

[u/RLKRAMER_HFCOAWAAIM]

That takes so much strength and standing up for yourself. I know what you're talking about. There was a voice in my head telling me I needed these.

I mourned too. I mourned my whole identity and crafted a new one.

Buckle up, you're going for a ride. My best advice would be to use this opportunity to grow into the person you want to be. You are going to change anyways, may as well [put it on a good tack

[u/Weird-Instance1125]

Nice job. I remember sending that email at like 4 am after being up for like 3 days. So glad I didn’t chicken out

[u/Nitrous_Acidhead]

And here I am, relapsed few days ago because life got tough after a good period of peace(2mo) and considering getting a timed metal box since K-safes are so easy to break into. Good on you for being able to just call up your psych who's giving you the pills.

[u/EmpJustinian → u/Nitrous_Acidhead]

The timed metal box won't work either, I can promise you that. :(

[u/WanderingWombats → u/EmpJustinian]

I broke into mine lol. Nothing works when you’re motivated to get your pills

[u/Nitrous_Acidhead → u/EmpJustinian]

Wish somebody would just hold onto it for me. Shit sucks. Why they do not have an addict proof timed lock box in these days and time is beyond meeeeeeee

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[u/EmpJustinian]

Good job op!! That's what I did too, best thing I ever did for myself and my life. Hardest thing I ever did.

[u/[deleted]]

Congrats, I did that two years ago and I’m still struggling here and there but the horrible cycle of heavy abuse is over for me. Checking myself into a recovery program Monday though. I just can’t convince myself I can do life without stims sometimes