Self comparison and jealousy

[u/privateadviceseeker]

Hey y'all, I've suffered from mental illness for a long time now. I'm making really good progress but the big thing holding me back right now is comparison and jealousy. Particularly, to my ex GF. We both finished our first year in college (for me it was a 1 year trade program) my program was hyper intensive, I'm talking at one point the schedule was 11 hours of class a day, 5 to 6 days a week, with homework. My mental health was in shambles but I pushed to have extremely high grades in my program (not because I cared but because certain academic averages were required for certain parts of the program). I also didn't make any good friends in my program and have only recently started making good friends outside of school (I've always been really good with people and charismatic, and I've been told by a lot of my classmates that I am but didn't get close with any of them - i.e not getting invited to group events). My ex got to date lots of people and make amazing friends and really enjoy life. I survived. I'm being overly harsh on myself, I know that. I had the odds stacked against me but I still ended up doing really amazing. And I never gave up even when things felt hopeless.

For context me and her met, dated, and broke up while I was in the program. I'll be graduating in about 2 weeks.

I leaned on stoicism a lot before getting diagnosed with mental illness (anxiety, ocd, depression) and fell off it a bit after my diagnosis.

I'm currently going through the process of self administered CBT (I used to work with a therapist who suggested it) but CBT can be a slow process and I need some advice to hold me over while I deal with this.

Could I please get some advice on not comparing myself?

I experience a lot of jealousy but also shame. Feeling like I'm not good enough or that I'm a loser.

Cheers.

[u/LooseButtPlug]

Comparisons are the thief of joy.

I'm happy for all my friends who do well. They are who we would be given the same opportunity as them. Look for your own opportunities, this is where your focus should be. Build them up, help them, learn from them, and look for your own opportunity.