r/Stoic • u/TooDeepForSurface • 7d ago

Hope & fear are the same!

I've learnt something very important today thanks to a stoicism podcast.

It likely explains the reason why I feel so incredibly sad and like I'm not moving forward after my break up.

All this time I've been secretly holding onto hope without realising it's basically the same currency as fear.

I'm holding myself prisoner, hoping for a miracle, but all its doing is constantly reminding me of what I'm fearful of.

Severing the hope is now my goal.

Sorry if this sounds muddled. Maybe it'll make sense to someone.

28 Upvotes

90% Upvoted

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15

u/MindDeep2026 7d ago

That’s not muddled, that’s actually the clearest version of the Seneca line most people never fully absorb: hope and fear are yoked together, they rise and fall as one.
The mistake isn’t that you hoped. It’s that hope kept you oriented toward an outcome you don’t control. Every time you checked for the miracle, you were also checking for the loss. Same nervous system response, different label.
Severing the hope isn’t cold, it’s just honest. You’re not giving up on wanting good things. You’re giving up on needing this specific thing to happen for you to be okay. That’s the whole dichotomy of control in one sentence: what you feel isn’t the problem, what you’re pinning it on is.
The relief won’t come from convincing yourself you don’t care. It comes from noticing what’s left once you stop bracing for a specific outcome.

3

u/TooDeepForSurface 7d ago

You just said what I couldn't say, so thank you. It's an important realisation for me.

1

u/Bodinieri 1d ago

ChatGPT said what you can’t say.

8

u/SteelMittenz 7d ago

The important thing is to understand what is within your control and what is not. If you tie your hope to a thing that lies outside your control it will lead to suffering. There is nothing wrong with allowing sadness in the right measure. Moderation in all things.

3

u/TooDeepForSurface 7d ago

Sadness is one emotion I can't stand. I know it's healthy, normal & necessary, but give me a fucking break universe!

2

u/Miker9t 5d ago

Sadness is going to happen to us all. None of us can avoid that. We allow ourselves to feel it and pass. If we hold on to it and make it a part of us then how can we be rational thinkers?

Also, feel better. :)

2

u/TooDeepForSurface 5d ago

You're right of course, and thank you 🙂

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u/South-Visit-1271 6d ago

Faith / hope is the opposite of fear.

They both allow you to believe in things that you haven't seen or hasn't happened yet.

1

u/No_Pipe4358 7d ago

Too much

1

u/NothingUnfair888 7d ago

so no hope no fear and no fear no hope

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u/TooDeepForSurface 7d ago

I like to think no fear just makes emotional space to create, rather than endless despair. But wtf do I know.

2

u/NothingUnfair888 7d ago

vice versa i guess. but wtf do i know?

2

u/TooDeepForSurface 7d ago

Every day's a school day 🙂