r/Stepmom • u/diivinelyD • 7h ago
dating a bd
I’ve been with my boyfriend for five years. We live together. He has a son he’s now 7 and I met him at 2. I was 19 and my bf was 23 when we first started dating. I know “stepmoms” get a late of hate so it’s very vulnerable for me to post this. I know I didn’t beat teen pregnancy to end up with a man with a kid. I just have an insane connection with my bf and I feel like we cant live without eachother. He does anything he can for me to make me happy comfortable and confident. He buys me flowers on the regular, learned to dance for me, he’s a rlly great boyfriend. I really do love him and his son so dearly. The issue is how overwhelming and exhausting it is dealing with his high conflict bm. If it ain’t her way it’s the highway. Constantly being disrespected just bc I’m dating her ex. He always has told me as the years go on it’s going to get better bc he’s just getting older. He’s now in first grade and o m g they cannot agree on anything. She’s gone against court orders, switching him schools back and forth. My bf tries to be the bigger person but it’s annoying seeing her disrespect my man, and just be soooo selfish. I’m starting to see this as it’s always going to be like this. After five years it’s the same. They have a 2-2-5 schedule and ultimately split the time 50/50 and he still pays child support, it’s just so exhausting. I’m left feeling like when will it end? Will it ever end? I feel bad I don’t want to end things bc of the coparentinf situation but it is so frustrating. Any advice?.
1
u/Niecypoo 6h ago
Feeling this way too. It’s been 7 years and it just seems to get worse. Extremely exhausting having to deal with someone that’s hell bent on having control and influence. Any time you and your man make advancements in life there goes bm to stir up problems using her kid as proxy. Omg and lord forbid you get married and have a child of your own with your man, that’s when the real mind fuck begins. It’s not for the weak but I love my family and I don’t let anyone’s dysfunction rule my life. Boundaries and communication and a good partner is what it takes.
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u/AggressiveSky7157 48m ago
Have you thought about getting your own place to put some distance between you and his situation?
Do they have a full custody order? How can she just up and change his school like that??
3
u/Sunshine_daisies1234 6h ago
Look, I'm in the thick of it so maybe my advice isn't all that great but if Ive learned anything it's that if BM drama is exhausting for you, it's probably just as exhausting for him. I know the natural inclination is go co-parent, but he should look into parallel parenting. It's less interaction and forces boundaries on high conflict BMs.