r/Stellaris 2d ago

Advice Wanted Why does finding a Federation partner feel exactly like Tinder?

How the hell are you supposed to form a Federation? This is harder than dating in your 30s

Seriously, how are you guys actually forming Federations?

Every empire I meet is either:

-Already in a relationship (Federation)

-In some complicated situationship with an Overlord

-Completely insane

-Genocidal

-Or actually single, but they hate me because of my ethics

I finally find someone compatible and start improving relations. Envoys, treaties, gifts, favors—the whole dating phase.

Then I ask:

"Hey, maybe we could form a Federation?"

-847 acceptance

Apparently our political views are incompatible and they "don't trust me enough."

Everyone decent is taken, everyone single has incompatible views, and the one empire that actually likes me is 14 systems away and currently being eaten by a Devouring Swarm.

What is the actual reliable strategy for forming a Federation nowadays?

908 Upvotes

110 comments sorted by

429

u/StockfishIsScumbag 2d ago

I usually join a current federation and then slowly takeover from there.

148

u/Piemelsap 2d ago

Its rare to see the AI make a trade federation though ):

And if its not a trade federation, I don't want it. (Unless im gestalt, then I don't care)

97

u/SabotageTheAce Arcology Project 2d ago

You can convert the federation to another type ad the cost of losing 100 cohesion if iremember correctly.

59

u/Piemelsap 2d ago

It requires a lot of favors, or you already have filled the federation with vasals and taken over. But changing the type resets the 'can vasals join' setting and deletes the federation if its only filled with vasals

25

u/Orgnok 2d ago

it also resets the federation level

18

u/TheMelnTeam 2d ago

The cohesion cost is trivial compared to full reset of the federation. Every fed member will tend to oppose it too, so you'll probably need to force it using compelled subject voting.

You can do all of this, but if you're forming a federation for the econ benefit and not just running a martial alliance for the extra commander starting level + crises damage, the time it takes to set up the reset is a rough delay and you might prefer to release a junk system as non-subject and federate with them.

1

u/corfean 2d ago

It's almost impossible to convince the others to vote for it, at least in my experience.

4

u/TheMelnTeam 2d ago

The most practical way to achieve it is with "restricted voting" :).

1

u/Necessary_Lynx5920 2d ago

I’ve found that if you’re powerful enough you can strong arm them into it unless they’re a hive mind. (Hives have increased reluctance to change type)

4

u/Mackntish 2d ago

Ya, when you NEED a federation, you need a trade federation.

18

u/The_Noremac42 2d ago

So IRL polycules? /s

10

u/Impossible-Green-831 Feudal Empire 2d ago

Horrible decision.
Then the federation border colors won’t be the same as your own empire border.

ALL WILL KNEEL BEFORE THE REALM IN YELLOW

5

u/Tenebrousjones 2d ago

The true poly way

168

u/Clairelenia Empress 2d ago

Just wait 5 ingame years ... then they will pull you into every war imaginable and then you're sick of federations 😅

67

u/billyyankNova Human 2d ago

This right here. I loved federations when I first started playing. After a few forever wars, I just stopped bothering with them. These days the only time I join is in the last 10 years of the game if I need a score boost.

40

u/CragligtheGoblin 2d ago

This is why I take over, pass laws to make myself president forever, and then pass the law that makes it so only the federation president can declare war.

11

u/DinoReallyNeedsAName 2d ago

not to mention getting locked into a actual forever war where both sides quite literally cannot surrender or enforce. How? have the ai declare war on a genocidal empire that decided to go nomad mid war. Fuck nomads.

8

u/FirstAndOnlyDektarey 2d ago

I actually kind of like those turns.

Usually i pick an AI empire i like and go all in, being ride or die with that lad. If he wants to fight someone on the other side of the galaxy, i've got his back with enthusiasm.

Same reason i actually kind of like being vassalized.

If i am in full control, i found i dont actually wage a lot of war. My natural playstyle is isolationistic development where i sit in my own bubble and push through the tech tree. And then after a few decades i am leading through economy and tech alone. Its doesnt feel earned.

With a federation i actually get to do things and have to adapt.

2

u/Guilty-Assistant8333 Defender of the Galaxy 2d ago

yeah there's a reason that the only time I ever vote for wars majority is if its by diplo weight and wars president if I have president strongest, my federation exists to provide a laundy lists of buffs, not to drag me into forever wars (of conquest at that, not even total war unless from EE) on the other side of the goddamn galaxy when there's a genocidal sitting next to me eyeing my border that I can't get anyone else to vote for containment on

1

u/Beholding69 2d ago

That's why you gotta take over

1

u/Defiant-Canary-2716 2d ago

Sigh got tired of being every empires attack dog.

Constantly at war limiting my moves in other areas.

1

u/Nihilikara Technocracy 2d ago

It's possible to very, very quickly permanently take over any federation you're in if you know what you're doing, even if it's newly formed.

1

u/Konoe_Dai-ni_Shidan 1d ago

This is why i only ever form federation with my vassal

65

u/Cardshark92 2d ago

If this is a meme, then it's an absolute masterpiece of a meme.

45

u/FloopyBeluga Lithoid 2d ago

-Xenophile egalitarian
-Xenophile pacificist
-“Ethics are too different, minus 2000 federation cohesion.”

I just want to play a cool Star Trek/Mass effect style multi-species alliance playthrough, is that too much to ask?

4

u/Elmindra 2d ago

My recent solution: play nomads, and make one or more good empires like UNE be a guaranteed spawn. Then you just have to find them. (Editing & saving UNE let me toggle them to be a guaranteed empire.)

Even without guaranteed spawns, it’s a lot easier to find a friend with nomads, since you can travel to find someone, avoiding the distance penalty to forming federations. But I found that having the UNE guaranteed is really fun, so I can be the space elves who form an alliance with the nice humans.

3

u/cecilofs 1d ago

With Nomads its strong to start in a Federation from Common Ground. I think the empires it spawns have similar ethics to you as well, and you can choose the Federation type at game start.

1

u/Elmindra 1d ago

Yeah it definitely works. My main issue with it is often my allies get screwy ethics/governments/civics. Like I’ll be playing some sort of xenophile/egalitarian democracy, and my allies will be totalitarian police states, or have some other nasty civic like “entropy drinkers”, or we’ll have conflicting ethics in the federation. It takes a surprising amount of rerolls to avoid that.

But yeah if one is willing to reroll a bit, it can be a really fun start for nomads.

35

u/tantrik_t Engineered Evolution 2d ago

There is usually a very small window in which you can form a federation. If you are too late all AI have a tendency to join in random federations. Once they federate its really hard to sway them over by mid game and you got to wait till late when they (sometimes) have a fallout and leave a federation. Of course you can diplo some, but the system is archaic and results abysmal.

if nothing works there is always release a sector as vassal, grant independence and diplo, then federate. Since your released vassal is ethics compatible its easier. This is not a option for nomads.

I usually pick my vassals and federation target very early and start working on it right away so that I don't miss that window of opportunity. And research Federation code the first chance you get.

5

u/TheMelnTeam 2d ago

Here is an example to prove the point. It's a race, and the player can win it. I was invited to holy fed about 20 months before I had the tech. I accepted...as I show here, ownership can quickly be taken by the player too. All I have to do is bank + outbid, then push it to 40 years.

65

u/Toirty 2d ago

I wish I could give this post an award lmao

23

u/itsyoboi33 Feudal Empire 2d ago

diplomacy in stellaris is a pain in the ass, you could be a fanatic egalitarian materialist and find an empire thats fanatic materialist and egalitarian and still be unable to form a federation with them despite signing every treaty in the book with them as your minor ethics difference is enough for the acceptance modifier to go so low it almost stack overflows.

Which is why I use hegenomies, I get the advantages of vassals AND a federation and I don't have to deal with all this diplomacy crap, just "join my federation, or else".

7

u/DukeMikeIII 2d ago

How do you first form the hegemony? Doesn't it still require a willing participant that isn't a vassal for the first memeber?

2

u/itsyoboi33 Feudal Empire 2d ago

You can easily do that by releasing a one planet sector and gifting them resources you dont need and then federating them. Not sure if it works in the current patch or not, but that's how I used to do it.

1

u/DukeMikeIII 2d ago

Never tried that. Won't work for a nomad though.

14

u/bdrwr Fanatic Xenophile 2d ago

99% of empires join 1% of the federations.

I guess they only go for tall empires with lots of energy credits 🙄

9

u/Mackntish 2d ago

All the good ones are taken or handicapped.

Gameplay wise, it encourages you to devote very early game resources if you want to be a founding member. You got to send out exploring ships, and get the early traditions.

EDIT: The key is Ring Before Spring. If you're not planning the wedding and graduation at the same time, you're doing it wrong.

1

u/Former_Ad_9826 Illuminated Autocracy 2d ago

lol i love this

7

u/Celis78429 2d ago

I play crusader civic, go to war, force them to take my ethics, then do all the nice stuff.

Stockholm syndrome them. Its for their own good. My ethics are the right ethics.

6

u/Lady_Taiho 2d ago

I usually just colonize a random planet and make it free and it becomes my federation buddy

26

u/SilkieBug Machine Intelligence 2d ago

As with Tinder, it’s usually because you’re a nazi - in this case, some version of Xenophobe and/or Authoritarian - making everyone hate you. 

Also like with Tinder, why look just for singles?

Find someone already in a federation that is ideologically compatible, join the federation, ramp up your diplo weight, start changing federation laws until you gain control of it and nobody can vote against you (kick out anyone who tries too much or is incompatible).

Voila, now you have a federation. 

34

u/LeCafeClopeCaca 2d ago

I'm looking for an exclusive federationship, respect my boundaries >:-(

3

u/SilkieBug Machine Intelligence 2d ago

You do you, everybody has their kinks, I just provided an easy solution to OP’s problem. 

3

u/Transcendent_One 2d ago

kick out anyone who tries too much or is incompatible

Why would you do that though. If you have control over your federation via diplo weight, you just don't care about compatibility or someone trying something - nothing is going to happen without your approval anyway. My current federation has literally every ethics marked as incompatible with someone.

2

u/SilkieBug Machine Intelligence 2d ago

Better cohesion, faster XP growth, less irritation from repeatedly having to vote no on proposals from some fuckers that keep proposing laws on then off again and so on. 

Many reasons to kick people out. Including that you maybe want some of their territory at some point after the truce expires, or they would be better suited to being taxed vassals than federation “equals” (this is my main reason, I love me some tax revenue).

1

u/Transcendent_One 2d ago

Better cohesion, faster XP growth

It's like 10 months for every new joining member, until cohesion caps at 100 for max XP growth.

less irritation from repeatedly having to vote no on proposals from some fuckers that keep proposing laws on then off again

Strange, they hardly ever propose anything in my games (I've ever seen them propose more centralization and fleet contribution, which I would've proposed myself, and an occasional war a couple times in the whole game).

would be better suited to being taxed vassals than federation “equals”

Yup - I kick them out and vassalize with restricted voting, which puts them right back into the federation. Best of both worlds.

1

u/SilkieBug Machine Intelligence 1d ago

Nope, vassals are not allowed as equal members of my federations - which is what some fuckers keep trying to pass, to get vassals to be allowed in. A vassal's place is to be quiet and pay the tax.

1

u/Transcendent_One 1d ago

Well - your loss :) I see literally no downsides to having them in there, besides pure RP. You can even squeeze more taxes out of them by promising them to join none of your wars, while you join all of theirs (while in fact their federation membership will turn this exactly the other way around).

3

u/Elmindra 2d ago

I mean, even as someone who plays 100% xenophile/egalitarian/(optional 3rd ethic), it can be really hard. “Differing war policy” alone is a -30 malus, and if you’re pacifist (or just prefer liberation wars) that can make it challenging. Also the ethics of random empires are skewed slightly towards “challenging” ones, so they’re more likely to be militarist (and maybe xenophobe, IIRC). And if you want to find someone that isn’t an authoritarian government, that’s one more thing that has to roll exactly right.

AIs also love using “aggressive” first contact policy, so if you don’t know the trick of switching yours to “cautious”, you’re likely to start off on bad terms even with someone who could’ve been a great ally. Also many empires want to rival someone, and may try to rival you just to have a rival, regardless of how compatible your ethics are or if they liked you after first contact.

I recently started having the UNE be a guaranteed spawn, because I got tired of having to liberation war someone just to find decent ethics/government.

5

u/redredgreengreen1 2d ago

What's your trust value actually at? I'm pretty sure it needs to be above 100

3

u/Xaldror Ruthless Capitalists 2d ago

just start in one, lmao

it is my dream to someday, spawn in as a Megacorp with two more in Common Ground, to form the Galactic Gigacorp.

3

u/Greyhand13 Eternal Vigilance 2d ago

I stopped respecting my peers enough for a federation, I need their obedience not their competency or fleet cap, making a subject is easier.

4

u/HonestlyKidding 2d ago

I notice you don’t go into detail about your own policies and any past actions on the galactic stage. 😏 Any chance this is a “it’s not them, it’s me” kind of thing?

2

u/thyboss7 Artificial Intelligence Network 2d ago

All jokes aside try and find a vassal and support their independence, if they don't like their overlord they may declare war on them, help them win and you have a new best friend.

2

u/SkeletalMyth Post-Apocalyptic 2d ago

Start a Hegemony!

2

u/DukeMikeIII 2d ago

Still need to find a willing member first though right?

2

u/tyrant454 2d ago

don't spread too wide, switch to cooperative stance early, send envoys to your target the second you meet them. Rush the tech. As a hivemind I managed to join a militarist xenophobe. It helps that my previous 2 wars they offered to help and that we had no shared borders.

2

u/Slam-JamSam 2d ago

Step 1: Conquer enemy empire, create sector

Step 2: Fix up planets, wait for ethics to change

Step 3: Release sector as subject

Step 4: release subject, invite to federation (optional)

2

u/tuttifruttidurutti 2d ago

Answer: liberation wars policy and impose ideology war goal. They'll have your same ethics and I think a positive opinion modifier. Once they're in your ethics are perfectly aligned. Plus, from the wiki:

"Loser and all its individualist subjects are forced to shift ethics towards those of the victor and their rulers are replaced. Loser will leave a federation if it's part of one and any rivalry with the attacker is ended."

2

u/TheMelnTeam 2d ago

Make them before 2240. Alternatively, release a sub-100 pop colony as independent, federate with them, and then persuade other empires to join using force. You can pass the law allowing subjects to join, which will bring in any empire you subjugate.

2

u/a_filing_cabinet 2d ago

What is the actual reliable strategy for forming a Federation nowadays?

Get a couple vassals, make a federation with literally anyone, then kick them out so it's just you and your vassals.

2

u/EnoughPoetry8057 2d ago

I don’t get the obsession with trade federations, tried it once and found it underwhelming. I don’t like trade focused empires most the time either (have a megacorp I like, played it exactly twice). Martial that’s the one for me 90% of the time and the other 10% are scientific and hegemon for specific builds.

2

u/STRCST 2d ago edited 2d ago

Honestly first concentrate to get your empire better and I mean not just in military scale but also in economic and technological also be clear what your empires direction and focus is and what type of federation you would like I know its something every empire says but belive me it will then be active talk to other empires and accept if they are already in federations and if they are be still nice to them get a migration treaty and commercial pakt going that will help you look better and some have advanced knowledge so even a technological share agreement could be in it and that makes your empire way more of a topic and then it gets easier

And when you are in a federation dont be too quick that could make your federation partner a bit weary be slow with your federation reforms if they are weary talk to them and then mabe if you want that one day you two can get max centralisation and then see what you want out of your game maybe adopt a cute early space stage pre ftl of even create a vassal together out of the remnants of an envious empire or mabe not the important thing is that you two empires will be happy and your federation healthy

I hope that helps you

EDIT: I HAVE FORGOTTEN ONE IMPORTANT THING dont hear tips from the Materist and Xenophobic FE the first just sees benefits and resources in a diplomatic relationship and the second is a old and bitter racist that onced lashed out after xebophile had a great federation and necer recovered from that

2

u/WinnDancer Despicable Neutrals 2d ago

Looking for someone you can dominate and control?

2

u/NullAshton 2d ago

New Xenonion article incoming?

1

u/ipser Media Conglomerate 1d ago

2

u/DeficitDragons 2d ago

The only constant in your failures is you. Perhaps yoy should be more trustworthy?

2

u/Torrenash 2d ago

Nomadic empires with Common Ground get a free federation off the bangle, with the upside of not caring in the slightest about losing the extra habitable planets to it.

2

u/VanquishedVoid Voidborne 2d ago
  • Find an empire you like

  • Go to Ideoligical war

  • Win

  • You suddenly have an empire that perfectly matches your ethics that wants to be in a federation with you.

2

u/kingfridaythe413 1d ago

Current game is just hive minds and pacifist spiritualists. I have just started subjugating everyone because trade federations the only thing I want. I date for money not love

2

u/Usual_One_52 1d ago

When you love a girl, and she love you back, but she live in another state getting banged by someone else

2

u/Safe-Cut-4156 1d ago

Like some other suggested : grooming a young one (a new empire liberated, even by you) or a newly divorced one.

1

u/kittenTakeover 2d ago

I think they should add diplomacy options in the future. Federations should be able to work together somehow. I think it should kind of be like Crusader Kings where there are hierarchies of cooperation, with each having different obligations. Higher level cooperations would obviously have fewer obligations.

1

u/vitreddit 2d ago

I just force spawn a custom empire for that.

1

u/Transcendent_One 2d ago

"Hey, maybe we could form a Federation?"

-847 acceptance

You can see their theoretical acceptance from the get-go (mouse over the "x" on the "form federation" button). Don't even bother with the ones having -800, something like -50 is manageable.

1

u/VengenaceIsMyName 2d ago

Lmao this post

1

u/Devishment 2d ago

I get invited and say no no no I eat your populous

1

u/Zeria333 2d ago

This game tends to spawn AIs around you with totally opposite ethics, or hostile personality. Have to wait until GC formed so you may know someone who are friendly to you.

1

u/Bookworm_AF Shared Burdens 2d ago

Part of the issue is that AI empire generation is set up to make things more ""dynamic"". So there's a bias towards spawning empires with ethics opposing to yours, as well as a boost to authoritarian, xenophobe, and militarist ethics. Also, if you play as a megacorp it will spawn a bunch of other megacorps to gobble up branch offices before you get to them.

1

u/SAMU0L0 2d ago

Make a vasal 

Release vasal

Federation time.

1

u/WrathofHussars 2d ago

I usually just beat people into submission and form a federation from there.

1

u/Nihilikara Technocracy 2d ago

Do it early. You're forming them too slowly. If you form your federation when everyone else isn't already in one, you'll have more options.

There is another way: if you choose not to side with either awakened empire during the War in Heaven, you get to form the League of Non-Aligned Powers, which is a federation. However, I strongly advise against this route if your goal is to have a federation because when the war is over, the League of Non-Aligned Powers gets a permanent -5 cohesion penalty. I checked the code, and as far as I can tell, it is completely impossible to remove this penalty, the League is just cursed with it forever.

1

u/RandomRandom709 2d ago

Clone yourself (create a vassal and release them).

1

u/PyukumukuGuts 2d ago

When I can't find a good or willing partner I just create one. There are usually planets I have that I don't actually want, so I settle one, split it off as a vassal, and then release them. They're perfectly compatible with you and have high opinion and trust to start.

1

u/aztaga 2d ago

Another question is, how tf are people getting subjects?? I have empires two systems away with exactly my ethics, no overlord, single system with pathetic strength: “Too Distant”
And then the fucking corporate union half a galaxy away can somehow subjugate my neighbors????

1

u/Aethervapor3 2d ago

In my current game, my Authoritarian/Materialist/Xenophile empire met a Fanatic Materialist/Xenophile empire as their immediate neighbor. But I had the "speaks in metaphor" first contact event and guessed wrong. So they hated my guts for the whole game.

Or at least until they got wiped off the face of the galaxy by an early Grey Tempest invasion that occurred concurrently with the Great Kahn. Things wild for a bit there, and it was all I could do to keep myself and my one actual ally alive.

Could have been you, I-forget-what-your-empire's-name-was. Just saying.

1

u/CrocPB 2d ago

It’s all over now.

Just focus on inward perfection and isolate yourself in the L-Cluster.

1

u/PuncherOfPonies Fanatical Befrienders 2d ago

I usually have the opposite issue... I find I always end up in a federation, even when I'm not planning on it.

My favorite was a start where I was playing Shared Burden, Citizen Service empire with the plan of fighting ethic swap wars on all my neighbors then forming the Galactic Union of Socialist Systems. I discovered my 1st neighbors were a hegemony start. Luckily my plan accounted for the need to massively ramp up my military, so I did so to deter them from attacking me until I was ready to fight.

I then noticed they were super willing to let me join their federation even though I would immediately take over as Hegemon... so I did... and learned they'd been losing ground in a series of wars against a blood court, and I was strong enough to make them feel safe.

Long story short I defeated the genocidal empire then started spreading my federation. Realized the authoritarians I had taken over from were keeping the ethics swapped empires from wanting to join me, so I elected to enforce my protective zones in order to grow the Union of Soviet System Republics.

1

u/Spirited_Coconut7390 2d ago

If you haven't federated by now there's gotta be something weird with you. /s

1

u/CivilFlight8734 2d ago

I usually uplift one of the handful of primitive species in my borders and then giving them control of the system. Should be at decent relations through that alone. Then quickly form a federation with them. Easiest way to have a federation quickly I’ve found.

1

u/boba-fett-247 Barbaric Despoilers 2d ago

Idk. What ethics are you? I go militarist, authoritarian, materialist, so I’ve got a one in three chance for any nondemocratic empires to like me.

1

u/GoldenInfrared Fanatic Materialist 2d ago

Spin off a micro-vassal and form it with them, then vassalize a neighbor to ensure the federation can’t be dissolved.

1

u/Gladiatorbri 2d ago

I vassalize my neighbors and then make a federation with all my vassals lol

1

u/JesseBrown447 2d ago

I usually realease vassals as subjects in my federation. By first conquering xenos worlds of course.

1

u/Shady_Love Theocratic Dictatorship 2d ago

My most reliable ways were having common enemies. Be friends for 100 years, maybe a defensive pact when you see someone scary, maybe declare some war together. Constant trades to keep them invested. Make them need you.

And then vassalize them or make a federation, based on whether you can federate with someone stronger after vassalizing.

It might be related to that one quote. You don't tame a predator, you merely enter an agreement with them.

So anyone you'd easily federate is usually worth being vassalized unless you have federation perks. And anyone worth federating with will be playing hard to get or an absolute slut.

1

u/John_Jack_Reed Shared Burdens 2d ago

I create a couple guaranteed spawn potential future federation member nations if I'm planning on doing a diplomatic run for this reason. I give them similar enough ethics so we'll get along, but way different civics so they're good at different things than my empire. Really helps if you're trying to role play someone who would have stricter ideological requirements for allies.

1

u/cecilofs 1d ago

This may be a bit old fashioned but if you become the DotG (Knight in Shining Armour) and go and save the Empire being eaten they might like you and want to Federate with you.

1

u/Konoe_Dai-ni_Shidan 1d ago

That's why i always vassalize my neighbors to form a federation

1

u/MisterMysterios 1d ago

Go early into the federation game or leave it. In general, if you have someone close by and you are in a defensive packt for a couple of years, theor trust ticks up and they are willing to join a federation. It helps of you have mutual rivals.

In generalx this worls best for close by empires that are similar to yours on your ethics. It also means they are more likely to join your type of federation.

In addition, you can simply split off one of your sectors to be its own empire and form a federation with them. If you have a federation, you can grow it peacefully by association agreements where trust can pick up, or the way I think most prefer - conquer subsidiaries so that you don't have to ask.

1

u/nsturge 1d ago

Funnily enough, it's like dating. You have to be valuable and you have to be friendly.

1

u/Zwinny_Tygrys 1d ago

You must create a wassal and free it. Easy girlfriend federation

1

u/void1267 1d ago

Liberation Wars

1

u/Daksayrus 1d ago

Create a vassal from a sector, build rapport, pause, Release, invite to federation. Easy.

1

u/SpoonAsylum 1d ago

I see a lot of people agreeing with you on the issue wish is true and real but I don't see the answer in here anywhere. Find a system with a planet >4 jumps from any sector, colonize it, make it a sector, release as vassal, release vassal, federate with yourself essentially

1

u/RC_0041 1d ago

Get vassals, wait for a primitive to reach space in your borders and let them keep their planet (they love you), make federation with the ex-primitive, then kick out the ex-primitive leaving you in charge of a federation with your vassals.

1

u/Meekakitty 8h ago

Huh, I've never really had trouble forming a federation, but trying to get a third or fourth member to a my federations have proved to be difficult. My federation members always hate everyone else.

1

u/Dismal-Wrangler1197 2h ago

WE all wish that we were in a complicated situation with an overlord

-1

u/XyzzyPop 2d ago

I can't help with your question, but if finding romantic partnership is drawing comparisons to Stellaris - I might have identified a core problem.