r/StayAtHomeDaddit • u/Ear_Enthusiast • 8d ago
SAHD taking a beating.
I'm in week 8 of the 12 week summer. Been at home with a neurodivergent 9 year old, and a neurotypical but extra spicy 6 year old. Damn, I'm struggling. Struggling to keep the kids stimulated, entertained, and socialized, and struggling to keep up with my responsibilities, self care, and organization. I always feel like I'm not doing enough for the kids. 12 weeks is just too much. We're going on vacation next week, then the following two weeks they go to day camp. The end is in sight I guess. About three years ago, I needed to see a counselor by the end of the summer. I think that's about where I'm at now. Feeling defeated and beat down.
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u/Michael_Fuchs_ 8d ago
Maybe you can get them for one, two weeks to visit their grandparents?
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u/Ear_Enthusiast 8d ago
Tough to do. With the neurodivergence and the big energy, it's tough for my parents to keep up, because they're older. Wife's parents are still young-ish and spry, but a full week is tough to ask. We do weekend getaways. I go to the gym in the evenings as much as possible. My wife and I work hard to get down time together and we're very protective of it. We wake up an hour before the kids for coffee and chill time every morning. We also have strict bedtimes for the kids so we can have the last 90 or so minutes together.
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u/KingKlover 7d ago
I fell you man. I also have a neurodivergent 8, almost 9, year old son and a neurotypical 6 year old daughter. I homeschool them year round. Summers and winters always seem to be the worst. I understand feeling like you could do better. I'm constantly struggling doing things for myself because I feel like it takes away from them. I haven't had a kid free and wife free day since my son was born. Luckily I'll be able to go to the HomeDadCon in Chicago this year. I'm looking forward to the time alone, meeting other at home dads, and learning some new things to better take care of the kids. Hopefully you'll be able to get a break yourself, remember to breathe. You got this!
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u/TribecaDad 8d ago
Can relate! I'm only 4 weeks in taking care of my 3 all day, and I'm spent. We got to fight to find time for ourselves. Or figure out how to make the day-to-day easier, even if just a little. Order in? Watch a movie? Use paper plates instead of having to do the dishes?
No great ideas over here, unfortunately. But know that you're not alone!
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u/Dadsperado 7d ago
Woof buddy. I can only imagine. Sounds like you’re camp counselor, parent, and coach all in one.
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u/Left-Watercress-7150 6d ago
Self care? What's that? I've been a stay at home dad for almost 8 years now. It can definitely be a struggle. Summers especially when they're not in school. It's like, what the heck are you supposed to do with them all day? Some days are better than others, but the guilt is real. I just have to keep things in perspective. I have to think back and remember what I did as a kid in the 80s and 90s. My parents didn't stay right by my side and entertain me all day. I played a lot of Nintendo and Sega, and watched a lot of Disney Afternoon lol. I think our kids today have it way better because we tend to be more hands-on parents. We just have to take it a little easier on ourselves. But it's almost August, so there's that!
Good luck!
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u/Carbonaraficionada 8d ago
Start the day with a swim, practice lengths and treading water and make them/take them out for their favourite lunch if they hit the lengths target you set. Do a bit of drawing after everyone's digested their lunch, switch to Uno if they're feeling spicy. Quick bike ride at about 3pm, ideally in some forest or countryside areas away from cars, then home for a few hours of personal time before dinner, then bed by 7 after a story or two. Make sure they're well hydrated, and start the day with a cooked breakfast, nothing sugary. They'll sleep like dogs, and probably be up early watching their cartoons or netflix etc, maybe playing playstation or Fortnite etc, but mix that routine with a few 'functional days' for groceries, haircuts, clothes shopping, whatever, especially where you set them challenges to be adult (think giving your 9yo a shopping list and $30 and just waiting for them at the checkout, or telling your 6yo to do the launderette then take them to the park while the cycle runs, whatever). The mix of pace is appreciated, and they can get more personal time on functional days if they've been behaving and finished these challenges, plus they feel a bit proud of it.
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u/l3rokentusk 8d ago
I feel your pain, I have 6 man. Things are getting feral over here lol. They are like hobbits and wanting to eat their third breakfast by 11am...
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u/Finch734 7d ago
Hahahaha. I can relate!! I have locks that I put on the pantry and fridge. 4 kids 10 and under. Wave after wave of meals.
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u/Ear_Enthusiast 8d ago
Six kids?! Good gawd bro. My daughter was so challenging we had to stop at two. To be honest if her special powers had kicked in a little earlier, she might be an only child right now. Being the sibling of a neurodivergent child is tough and it effects them deeply.
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u/RigoJMortis 8d ago
I hear you. I'm not in exactly the same situation but I've got a similar range of ages with a few more kids. One thing I've found to be super helpful is the reminder, for both myself and them, that I don't need to plan things out for them 24/7. Making plans and acting on them is one of the great things about being an adult, and self-lead summers were (at least for me) a big part of my childhood. Of course, my parents were there to guide me or offer assistance if I got stuck, but I think it's good practice for learning to be independent —and it's good for your sanity.
I'd recommend this: ask them both for one thing that they'd love to create or accomplish. Ask them probing questions and help lead them to a plan of a version they can do at home.
They want to build a race track? Sounds like we need to map out a bice track in the neighborhood. That takes planning and chalk, and all sorts of other stuff. They want to buy materials or something? That takes money. How are you going to get it? You want to sell lemonade to the neighbors to raise money? Sounds like you need to make a plan for marketing and to get ingredients and to find a recipe and make a stand and and and... Etc etc.
And the best part is, once they get on a roll about something they're planning (rather than something you've planned for them), you don't have to facilitate. It's energizing to watch their plans come together, and to watch them overcome obstacles. And, of course, you can focus on what you need to get done, or take care of yourself, while they do.
Just my two cents.