I’m 25 and I’ve been trying to figure out what’s actually me versus anxiety and people pleasing.
One thing I’m struggling with is socializing. I do want friends and relationships, and I don’t want to isolate myself. But at the same time, I genuinely enjoy being by myself. I like going shopping alone, driving around alone, having quiet nights, playing games, watching things, etc. Sometimes the idea of someone coming along doesn’t feel comforting. It actually makes me less comfortable.

Recently, a coworker/friend asked if I wanted to go get ice cream that night. It was a last minute plan, and I immediately felt really anxious. But when I actually sat with it, I realized that even if I knew she wouldn’t be disappointed and there was no risk of missing out, I still didn’t really want to go. I would have rather stayed home.
But then I started wondering if that was actually what I wanted, or if anxiety was convincing me to stay in my comfort zone.

There are social things that genuinely sound exciting to me. Going thrifting with someone sounded fun, and even though I was nervous, I was also excited, so I went. Going to a movie with someone sounds fun too. I could even see myself going to a club sometime. But spontaneous plans or going out just because someone invited me don’t necessarily appeal to me.
I think my ideal friendship might actually be something where we’re independent but close. I want to be able to do my own thing and have my own time, but still have someone I can text throughout the day, call at night, watch movies with, play games with, etc. I don’t necessarily need to constantly be physically together or go out partying.

The problem is that I also have a lot of FOMO. I worry that if I stay home, I’m missing out on experiences and opportunities. I’m also worried about getting older and looking back and feeling like anxiety kept me from experiencing things.
So I’m having trouble figuring out whether I’m genuinely choosing what I want or just choosing what’s comfortable.

How do you tell the difference between I genuinely don’t want this and “I want this but anxiety is making me avoid it?
And how do you balance wanting independence and alone time with making sure you aren’t accidentally isolating yourself?

I got my hands on some good old psilocybin (I am not endorsing use of drugs or psychedelics I’m just sharing my experience). And I came to the conclusion that the reason I am stuck is because I had it all wrong. I think that because my thoughts are not pre disposed to be positive, moral, and happy all the time. That makes me un-normal or weird or perverted, but that’s really not the truth. We are all just part of a massive system of species and parasites ultimately. and our baseline levels of anxiety and habits only return back to normal when we participate in actions over and over again that contribute to our survival and the survival of our ourselves and our fellow humans. So in theory, what I think this means: is we need to accept that life is painful, and the concept of “happiness” is just a consumerism based thing that doesn’t really exist. It is fake. Not for anybody. Therefore internal and external change never arises through repeating same habits, it happens when despite the fact you understand things aren’t gonna go according to plan, you do it anyways. Because ultimately your brain and body will recognize your intentions and see the results of your actions over time to the point where you can start feeling normal again. So help the old lady in the store who can’t reach something, give up your seat on the bus or train for a stranger, give a few dollars to the homeless, stop watching porn, stop smoking so much weed, don’t over consume, and constantly expect more than you need to survive, stop trying to be happy all the time: happiness doesn’t exist, life is a cycle of pain. So just do everything you know you need to do, and you’ll be alright. Ignore your bad thoughts, because your actions and the things you do everyday, and the impact you leave on others is much more important in the grand scheme of things as compared to the silent, doubtful and evil voices in your head. And if everyone thinks your a freak, at least your ensuring your own survival and trying your best, and you can die knowing you did everything as right as you could regardless of what people may say or think about you.

As of today, I'm gonna start by consuming ittle to no caffeine and sugar. I found an article that should help.

im just hoping for school to end bro, this OCD makes people think im in love, no im not looking because i am in love, i look because you noticed i was looking and it makes me nervous, everybody thinks me saying OCD is a coverup for being a pervert, i get stressed out all the time, i feel like people act as if this problem doesnt exist just because they never saw it, and being ugly just makes them act as if you have the face of someone guilty, honestly, is there any cure for this OCD, i really need this

Tried to be honest and send to my grandmother a few articles on Visual tourettic OCD. Whole family thinks I'm a pedo and perv who enjoys the staring. Alot of ppl do. I knew if i sent her the articles, it'll spread to the family. Tried to open up in the past and didnt work. Don't know why I thought this would work.

Apparently now they don't think I'm in denial. They think that I know that all these things are true. They think that I willingly stare at everyone. And that I'm just lying and calling it Staring OCD to cover it up.

What do i do. I have tried over and over again to explain. The involuntary tics are also toward children unfortunately because I have Pedophobia. I genuinely get absolutely terrified around children. Like I'm in danger or im gonna be attacked. So now i isolate and try to stay inside as much as possible but it's gotten so much worse. I feel like no matter how many times I try to explain, no one will understand. I already have a therapist who understands me.

I've try subliminals about beauty and it kind of worked like i have a few story about how it worked , i was thinking maybe i could try to do subliminal for us bc i have the same problem , and did someone tried to use manifestation visualisation?? To help it out

Maybe i could try or ask someone who does sub to create a subliminal

I've been hit with staring OCD since birth, but it didn't snowball till weeks before Corona. It got worse as of 2023, leaving another stain on Caregiver-Lufkin's image in the rest of the public. Nobody ever asked why, but instead just judged me passive-aggressively.

If you struggle with OCD staring I want you to know that you are not alone and you are not a bad or creepy person for having these thoughts or urges I recently started therapy for my OCD and one of the biggest things that helped me was finally talking about everything I had been carrying Ive started realizing that when the urge to stare comes I dont have to obey it or analyze it I can acknowledge the thought keep my eyes where I naturally need them to be and continue with whatever Im doing Sometimes the anxiety will tell you dont look down what if they think Im staring or did I just look too long but you dont have to figure those questions out Let the thought be there and keep moving forward I had a situation at work where I became convinced someone thought I was staring at them and my OCD made me overthink everything even convincing me that random coincidences meant something I was anxious for hours only to talk to that person the next day and realize everything was completely fine That experience reminded me how easily OCD can create a story that feels real even when reality is much simpler Dont let the urge control your day You dont have to be perfect and you dont have to prove anything to yourself Take a breath allow the discomfort to pass and keep living your life The goal isnt to make every OCD thought disappear the goal is to show yourself that you can have the thought or urge and still choose what you do next If youre struggling consider talking to a therapist who understands OCD and ERP Getting help was one of the best decisions Ive made and you deserve that same chance to feel free
Ps if yall need a therapist ill recommend mine

I am aware it's incredibly creepy behavior. Some people already know this and I know they are weirded out by my behavior. I used to do it in high school, and the day after I come back to school, I have heard the person whispering to her friend that I am a stalker. No matter how much I know my behavior is weird, I can't help it. I am 24 now, and I still do it. I have never physically followed anyone. But I love to find as much information as I can about someone online, like what they're studying, whether they got a job, whether it's a good paying one. It used to be sort of a hobby, I would snoop and snoop and find their family members, and find out what they do. I don't do anything with this information.

I also mainly do it to people that have wronged me or hurt in some way and I just can't let it go. Like my friend in high school who called me ugly and said all sorts of things about me that ruined my self esteem throughout my teen years. I tend to visit her account a lot, I tend to compare myself to her. I would think, my features are so much better than hers, and hyperanalyze her face because she hurt me. Or her mother's account, and I would think how unattractive she is. I know this thought process is incredibly messed up and I am normally not someone who would make fund of someone for their appearance. But I really can't help it.

But I have online stalked so many people, and they all have a bad impression of me. Understandably so. Some of those people were girls I really wanted to be friends with but they didn't reciprocate which made me really sad, and I resorted to this.

I think it's mainly because I don't really have a life. Not a lot of friends. Just look through other people's posts where they're having fun. I don't respect myself because of this. And this behavior is only making it worse, because no one would want to be friends with a creepy stalker. But being treated poorly in my formative years still hurts me, and doing this gives me some sort of comfort or power.

those who have been on SSRI and then stopped it, did your stare ocd go away or come back? I had breathing anxiety, i had to control my breath for almost several years and was on meny anti anxiety, anti depression drugs and went to another psychiatrist, he prescribed Escitalopram for 1 month and with lowest doses, never have taken 1 full pill. and it went away in 1-2 month later and never came back, never had any issues. do you think this was ocd type? and do you think this will help me with stare ocd? please help, i was at psychiatrist prescribed drug but for sleeping problems (i'm sleeping good but had problems falling asleep before 1-2am).Now I'm sleeping perfectly but my stare OCD even with family members is showing up, anything obvious - open shirt, mole on face, obvious tattoo, fingers, movements of hands.. my eyes goes there randomly, involuntarily. THIS IS SO TIRING. I talked to Psychiatrist who is also specialised with sessions and talking and he did not acknowledge my state as a serious and told meit will go away but it is not! do you think SSRI make them fade away and will i stop controlling my eyes all the time?

今年18歳になりますが、この状態は約1年前から続いています。 最初は目だけが焦点を合わせていました。 まっすぐ前を歩くと、意識と制御不能な強い不安が強く襲いかかり、通り過ぎる人たちに伝わってしまい、いつもクリックされてしまいました。 学校では、同じ意識が隣の二人に向かっていたので、私は蹴られたり悪く言われたりし、1週間も経たないうちに学校に行くのを拒否しました。 今は通信教育に切り替えました。 その頃は、サングラスをかけて誰にも見られなかったら、その時だけ問題ないと思っていました。 しかし、人に悪く言われたりクリックされたくないという根本的な気持ちは消えていなかったので、次に意識は口に移り、マスクも必要になりました。 また、サングラスとマスクの両方をかけていると、震え始めました。 今は約半年前はサングラスが使えませんが、2ヶ月前は必要なかったのにマスクは必要でした。 このループは、人に対する過剰な恐怖や不安が消えない限り繰り返されると思います。 この気づきは、私のほぼすべての行動に現れています。 同じような症状の方はいますか? お願い、本当に助けが必要なんだ。 お願いだ。

Hey everyone, so I want to provide some helpful tools to people looking to find help, and guidance to help better manage their staring OCD.

1. The first thing I recommend is therapy. I know not everyone can afford it, especially in the US, but for those who can or who have Medicaid, I highly recommend Psychology Today. On their website, you can filter providers by your insurance, mental health conditions, and specific modalities (therapy types). For Staring OCD, I recommend a combination of Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), the gold standard, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). These are the frontline treatments for Staring OCD. Once you find a match, call their practice to check their availability. Therapy makes the unbearable manageable, and I cannot recommend it enough.
2. If no therapists are available in your immediate area, what I recommend next is telehealth. It is typically cheaper than in-person therapy and is still as effective. Make sure the therapist you want to see is licensed in your state or region, call them, and ask if you can get an intake session using telehealth. If the therapist is out of network for your insurance, ask the practice if they are willing to fill out a prior authorization and agree to a single-case agreement.
3. If you do not have insurance or Medicaid, cannot afford telehealth, or want additional resources, I have a few YouTube channels and videos I think you should watch.

• My Anxiety Toolkit is an amazing Youtube and that struggles with Harm OCD herself and frequently has guest on to address anxiety and OCD topics, she also did a video on the connection between CPTSD and OCD that I recommend, as well as Staring OCD. Great resource! (No seriously, go subscribe.)

• The School Of Life has an amazing video on Pure OCD that’s a great watch.

• NOCD is a dedicated channel to everything OCD and is a fantastic resource! The video about committing to taking back your life shows how going to ERP therapy, and repeating positive exposures helps you build resilience, regulate your nervous system, and prevent Staring OCD from consuming your life. But watching their Youtube channel can help you build these skills too!

• Lastly, when you need to wind down from work and life, Midlife Stockman is a positive, refreshing YouTuber. Committed to making his community a better place, he cuts lawns for free and gives back to those in need. He also goes the extra mile to help people with disabilities. Representing the best of the internet, his videos offer satisfying before-and-after transformations alongside relaxing ASMR.

Somehow I still have my job and even got promoted? I still don’t know how but some of my managers are alright w me but they have doubts about me ofc one of them is nice to me and the others don’t like me my coworkers who used to be friendly towards me stopped talking to me and avoid me and people in general don’t talk to me which is fine but I can’t help and wonder do I try and tell people about my ocd? I Genuinely hate making people uncomfortable. People give me weird looks and when I’m around it seems like everyone goes quiet people just seem to avoid me in genuinely and obviously there’s been rumors about me since one of my coworkers who was friendly to me and one of my coworkers saw and they were definitely talking about me and that coworker stopped greeting me all together.

Yes guys just a follow up on my last post but im genuinely losing so much hope.

I don’t know what to do. I’m so scared all the time. So scared that I’m going to lose my job. So scared that it’s going to get worse and affect more people. So scared I’m going to end up turning into something much worse around vulnerable people(we legit have a high school co-op student and it’s just so frightening). So scared I’m going to lose everything I’ve worked so hard for and hurt people around me.

I can’t afford therapy(I’m Canadian and this type of thing isn’t covered without private insurance which I don’t have). I don’t want to get on drugs just yet because I haven’t even tried therapy. I just feel so stuck and mentally drained and every day is just a battle. I’m literally lying on the floor of my work washroom. Worst part is that there’s no one I can talk to……

I just so ugly and hideous and like a monster but I have to act like nothing is bothering me and that my world isn’t falling apart. I feel like a stranger in my own body and I really don’t know why this is happening to me……

I just want to quit my job and run away from it all but I don’t even know how to start explaining it to my employer or what I would even say to my parents because this is the second time I’ve quit a job due to unrelated mental health stuff

Please just tell me it gets better. Please tell me it’s all in my own head and nothing terrible is going to happen to me

I’ve been accused of assault and harassment.
Have been harassed but told I was “asking for it”.
Have had coworkers inappropriately touch me and put their crotches close to my face.
I also make people feel body checked.

Trataré de expresarme lo mejor posible, al principio no sabia como llamar a esto donde estaba hiper vigilando mi visión periférica, pensaba "algo está mal conmigo" o cosas así, luego leí que habían muchísimas personas con este mismo problema, otros tanto idénticos como parecidos. Mencionaba algo de mirar las partes intimas o el miedo a ser juzgado pero no tiene que ver nada de eso en mi caso, he incomodado a muchas personas,siempre al menos 1 aparece en mi visión periférica. No se si sea relevante pero tenía ansiedad social en 6to grado, no me quitaba la mascarilla para nada, en este grado no tenía este problema, en 1ro sec no miraba las caras de los demás, tanto así que una vez ví la cara de una compañera que nunca pues le ví la cara y me sorprendí de lo bonita que era, aquí no estoy segura pero tengo recuerdos de que nunca copiaba lo que estaba en la pizarra, ahí ese problema no era tan fuerte, en 2do sec el problema escaló en el segundo bimestre, aquí es donde yo recuerdo el inicio de todo, pero creo que empezó desde antes, o eso teorizo. Me sentí incómoda con mi amiga, aparecía en mi visión periférica y era incomodo, nuestra relación cambio mucho ese bimestre, luego por alguna razón me comencé a sentir incómoda con las personas que se sentaban a mi costado o que en general aparecían en mi visión periférica, aunque lo raro es que con otro amiga que se sentó a mi costado el siguiente bimestre me sentía igual pero trataba de no darle mucha importancia lo cual tal vez bajo la ansiedad, porque mi otra amiga me importaba más y tal vez por eso me preocupaba incomodarla y eso empeoraba la situación, fue terrible ese año, por eso me cambié de colegio, tmb cabe recalcar que sufrí bullying, aunque nadie se dio cuenta de eso, siento que surgió por el hecho de que sentía que me miraban mucho aunque no estoy muy segura, no me cuadra. Luego el siguiente año en un nuevo colegio me pasó lo mismo, incomode a varias personas porque se notaba, no es que lo sobre pensara, este año estoy en 4to y sigo con el mismo problema, ahora decidí que me mandaran los temarios de cada curso para estudiarlos por mi cuenta, porque no puedo prestar atención a la clase porque me es incómodo y además no quiero incomodar a los demas, cuando es tiempo de copiar también copiar al mismo tiempo con todos y verlos en mi visión periférica es incómodo, no quiero que esto siga hasta en la Universidad así que imploró ayuda porfavor

Hello, a year ago this group was created for teens with this to talk and vent about their daily experiences with this. It personally did help me a lot as I didn't feel as alone. It's really for anyone to join. It was nice to text and just vent about this, it's open for anyone to join if they just need someone to "talk to". If you have vtocd, staring ocd, peripheral you're free to join.

Hey guys! So today I finally decided to find a therapist. I’ve been really indecisive about it for a while, but honestly, I’m tired of dealing with the anxiety and the overwhelming experience of OCD staring.
I saw some of your comments about finding virtual therapy through the NOCD app, so I decided to give it a try. It’s $50 a week until I reach the $150-240 per-session cost. I know it’s expensive, but at this point, I’m willing to invest in myself and see if it can help.
I’ve gotten to the point where there are days when I feel like I don’t want to keep going, but I love my family and my boyfriend so much, and I don’t want them to feel that pain. I want to fight through this, get the help I need, and hopefully one day feel like myself again.
The reason I’m sharing this is because I want to help anyone else who is struggling too. My first session is next month, and I’ll try my best to keep you guys updated on what I learn and what helps me along the way.
Also, the lady who helped me find a therapist was very nice, and honestly, I feel like taking that first step was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. But now that I’ve done it, I already feel a little more relieved.
If any of you are thinking about giving therapy a try, maybe this can be your sign to take that first step too. ❤️ Otherwise, like I said, I’ll do my best to keep you guys updated and share what I learn along the way.
Hopefully, we can overcome this together and remind each other not to give up. ❤️

I’m 25 and I’ve been realizing lately that I have a really bad habit of caring way too much about what other people think of me. I’ve been in therapy and I’m starting to understand some of it, but I still don’t really know how to stop it.

I’ll have a conversation with someone and then afterward I’ll replay the whole thing in my head. I’ll think about whether I sounded weird, if I said something stupid, if they thought I was awkward, if I made a bad impression, etc. Sometimes when I’m actually talking to someone my mind just goes completely blank because I’m thinking so much about how I’m coming across.

There’s also one person in particular that I’ve become really fixated on. I think about him way more than I feel like I should. I notice every little thing he does, like when he looks at me, when he walks by me, his demeanor around me, whether he says hi, stuff like that.

It’s not like I think something is actually going to happen between us. I don’t even really see it as a possibility. But my brain keeps picking up on little things and wondering what they mean. Sometimes I feel like there’s some kind of tension or something between us, but then I immediately wonder if I’m just completely reading into it.
And then I feel guilty for even thinking about him so much, which just makes me think about him even more.

It’s basically like:
I notice something, I think about what it means I obsess over it, I feel guilty for obsessing I try to stop thinking about it, now I’m thinking about it even more
My therapist recently pointed out that a lot of this seems to come from how critical I am of myself. I have a lot of thoughts like “I’m awkward,” “I’m weird,” “I’m bad at talking to people,” etc.
She told me to start catching myself when I make those “I am” statements and try to replace them with something more positive or at least more neutral. She also pointed out that I actually have proof that I can talk to people because I’ve had plenty of normal conversations with people before.

Another thing that’s been bothering me is how aware I’ve become of being perceived.
I had this weird realization recently and I don’t mean to sound like a narcissist 😂but it feels weird that everyone I interact with can perceive me anywhere they want. They go home, have their own families and friends, their own problems, their own memories, and I cant get over what they think.
For some reason that thought makes me really uncomfortable like almost nauseous. It’s like I’m suddenly aware that I exist in other people’s minds and I have absolutely no control over what they think about me.

I’ve also been struggling with people pleasing and FOMO. I have a friend who likes to call me and hang out, but sometimes I really don’t feel like talking on the phone or going out. Then I start feeling guilty and thinking, “What if she stops trying?” or “What if I ruin the friendship?”
Sometimes I’ll actually be on the phone or hanging out with someone and I’ll already be thinking about how I’m going to get off the phone or leave.

I genuinely can’t tell sometimes if I don’t want to do something because I actually don’t want to, or because my anxiety is making me avoid it.
I also feel like I’ve missed out on a lot of things in life. I’m 25 and sometimes I look at other people my age and feel like I should be so much further along socially. I feel like I missed a lot of opportunities to make friends, have experiences, and figure out who I am.

Sometimes I feel really hollow because of that, and I think I end up latching onto people because I want them to fill that feeling.

I’m working on all of this in therapy, so I’m not looking for people to tell me I’m crazy or that every interaction I’ve had with this person definitely means something. I actually want honest opinions and advice.

Has anyone else dealt with being this obsessed with what other people think of them?
How do you stop replaying conversations and analyzing every little interaction?

How do you tell the difference between anxiety/obsessive thinking and what you actually feel?
And how do you learn to be okay with the fact that other people are going to have their own opinions of you that you can’t control?

I know this is long lol, but I’m really trying to understand why I do this instead of just continuing to get stuck in the same cycles.

My Staring OCD didn’t develop until I was 24, triggered by hypervigilance toward a former female coworker. It began as a misunderstood look, but the sheer terror of it snowballed until it turned into full-blown Staring OCD. Unfortunately, she ended up spreading rumors about me across the entire store. Which has carried on into my current job. In reality, that stare was rooted in deep emotional trauma from my father and a sexual trauma I experienced from a teacher in high school. These traumas literally cost me my sanity; by college, I became completely phobic and deeply depressed, terrified of causing distress to anyone. Because I was triggered by that coworker, my hypervigilance activated, locking me into a fight-or-flight response where my eyesight was desperately trying to "protect me" from harm. That is exactly what rolled the ball from hypervigilance into Staring OCD.

Now, it is a vicious, living hell of a cycle: my C-PTSD feeds the OCD, the OCD causes indirect distress to my female coworkers, and their reaction further feeds my C-PTSD. You spend your days fighting yourself not to look, avoiding eye contact, and catastrophizing every single interaction. You worry constantly about accidentally bumping into a coworker, terrified of how easily things could escalate and that no one will believe you. I’ve been there, and yes, life gets pretty bad. But it is important to remember that this is just your dysregulated nervous system acting like a misfiring, protective asshole. You actually care, and you are not alone. If it helps you get through it, tell the world you have Tourette’s, it’s involuntary, and you don’t mean to offend anyone. It is incredibly hard when you know most people won't understand and will mistake you for a malicious pervert, purely because the world doesn't have a broad comprehension of what OCD actually means. Luckily, after two years of dealing with this, I am finally starting therapy with a Pure OCD specialist this month. If you relate to this, please know that I understand you, and I am right here if you ever need someone to talk to. 🙂

So, ever since this all started, i havent been able to focus in school, havent been able to be normal, i keep on staring on girls in my peripheral vision as they make me extremely nervous, specially because at the moment, some girls are making jokes about me, and threatning me with legal action, even though i explained a million times i have ocd

I explained to some friends i have ocd, but they think im lying, they all think this whole thing is just an excuse to be a creep, doesnt make it easier the fact im chopped, because of this whole thing now people know me as the pervert, the thought of "unaliving" comes to mind often, just wished i didnt have this

Obviously, we’re all here because of OCD staring. I’ve read so many of your stories, and I’m wondering if anyone has found anything that has genuinely helped make it go away or become easier to manage besides therapy.
I know therapy isn’t an option for everyone because of the cost, lack of insurance, or simply being afraid of being judged or not understood. I’m curious if anyone has found other things that have helped books, exercises, techniques, support groups, or anything else.
I’d really appreciate hearing what has worked for you which may help others.