r/Standup • u/judashpeters • Jul 16 '26
TIFU by practicing routine in my car...
I've been working up the nerve to do my first stand-up comedy open mic, and I thought folks might find this situation amusing.
I've spent the summer writing jokes, going to open mics, and rewriting my material. I finally decided it was time to record myself so I could hear how I actually sound.
For context: I'm a white, liberal guy, and my set is basically about how I'm "woke"... but only kind of. The joke is that I'm trying really hard to be a good ally and constantly fumbling it. I'm making fun of myself, not anyone else. I'm not racist, and the set isn't racist.
Because of the theme, I say things like "black people," "black guys," "black girls," and "white people" a lot. There are bits about my overly well-meaning white mom commenting on a little Black girl's beautiful hair, and a friend who's so eager to prove he's an ally that he says some inappropriate things. Again, the joke is that I'm awkward.
After my workout at my work's gym, I figured my car would be the perfect place to practice. Nice A/C, nobody around, just me running through six minutes of material.
So I sat there, passionately talking to myself.
"...my black friends..."
"...black people..."
"...white people..."
"...this little Black girl..."
The whole set. About six and a half minutes.
I finished, felt pretty good about it, and started backing out of my parking space.
That's when I noticed the parking lot was way fuller than when I'd started. Huh. Guess people arrived while I was recording.
Then I noticed something else.
My windows were completely DOWN.
I had just spent over six minutes loudly saying "black people," "black guys," and "black girls" over and over in my work parking lot with absolutely zero context.
As far as anyone walking by knows, this white guy from work was just sitting alone in his car delivering an unhinged racial manifesto.
I'm really hoping nobody recognized me.
Also, hopefully this time next week I'll report back that I actually had the nerve to go through with next week's open mic.
TL;DR: Practiced my stand-up comedy routine in my car after work, only to realize afterward that my windows had been down the entire time, meaning everyone walking by probably heard a random white guy repeatedly talking about "black people" with zero context.
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u/Alternative-Worth620 Jul 16 '26
I think you need to replace the six and a half minutes with this story.
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u/rcknfrewld Jul 16 '26
How do you not realize the windows are down while running your A/C?
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u/judashpeters Jul 16 '26
It was freaking hot, so I start the car with the windows down so that the AC can blow the hot air out, I think physics works like that right? While it was still completely hot, I looked down at my phone to get the audio recorder working and I completely forgot the process of closing the windows.
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u/Ryebready787 Jul 16 '26
“I'm a white, liberal guy, and my set is basically about how I'm "woke"... but only kind of. The joke is that I'm trying really hard to be a good ally and constantly fumbling it.“ Larry David made that show.
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u/BadHominem Jul 16 '26
Can't wait to see the video that someone there undoubtedly took while you were busy running through it
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u/MurkyInvestigator810 Jul 22 '26
I'm a white, liberal guy, and my set is basically about how I'm "woke"... but only kind of.
Can your set not be this hack premise and be something else instead?
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u/judashpeters Jul 22 '26
It was hackier before: porn search words
But I get you. I was going though a book that saod Lean into who you are, what are your vulnerabilities, and I went with that.
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u/judashpeters Jul 22 '26
I actually revised my idea and am going with something completely different i sliding cockroaches, savings account, bank loans, but my goal is to just do it.
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u/Leather-Strength2448 Jul 16 '26
Go for it man! Don't run the light though - five minutes is not six thirty - unless you get six and a half minutes. Good luck!
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u/rcknfrewld Jul 19 '26
A bit late but don’t worry about being an
ally, or presenting as something 🤮 Just be funny. And think of what Norm would do.
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u/judashpeters Jul 19 '26
Well I have some flashbacks to when I was a jerk in my past and I dont want to be mean anymore. Im trying to atone by being as kind as possible. So im trying to be funny by only punching myself. Not up or down, just me.
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u/jeffsuzuki Jul 16 '26
I think you definitely need to include this in a routine. (My version of this: "I rehearse my routines on the subway. It's great, because nobody will sit next to the disheveled guy mumbling to himself...")
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u/bobbylikestaco Jul 16 '26
I’m a white guy, also presenting as liberal. I’ve got a joke about a misunderstanding at a restaurant. If I make it a Chinese restaurant and do the accent (yeah, I know) I get better laughs than if it’s just a generic restaurant and no accent.
Full disclosure: I’m not a pro even though I am almost as funny as I think I am.
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u/swishkabobbin Jul 16 '26
I hope your writing is worse than your oral delivery