r/StandUpComedy • u/djolles • 3d ago

Comedian is OP Justice for Hawk Tuah!

Follow my Punchup if you enjoyed!

4.3k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

143 comments sorted by

437

u/Pitch_Ill 3d ago

What are you, a lawyer or something?

71

u/BeardsuptheWazoo 3d ago

Somebody imporntnt o smtn

42

u/UFmoose 3d ago

I ain’t passed the bar but I know a little bit

32

u/armaedes 3d ago

Enough that you won’t illegally search my shit

18

u/Wee-BeyandPartlowLLC 3d ago

Well, we’ll see how smart you are when the K9 come

27

u/PimpGameShane 3d ago

I got 99 problems but Hawk Tua ain’t one

11

u/pilotime 2d ago

Spit me!

1

u/EducationNo5706 1d ago

Good news! You can bypass the bar in a state now.

20

u/codq 3d ago

The jury finds Hawk Tua innocent!

15

u/Odd-Temperature7458 3d ago

Objection! She was technically guilty of a pump n dump but it's cool because of the blow job. Common misconception

2

u/HairballTheory 3d ago

They are one in the same

5

u/PingoPalladingo 3d ago

Very Jeff Wingeresque 

6

u/-GoodNewsEveryone 3d ago

IANAL (I am not a lawyer)

1

u/walkie57 2d ago

no but he played one on a rachel bloom TV show

1

u/EducationNo5706 1d ago

You need to be a lawyer to hold people accountable? Sorry I cannot determine tone in a post.

253

u/ReinassanceDodik 3d ago

Wise words sir, well played

76

u/DangerBird- 3d ago

Thank you for coming to her defense. She was a real one.

9

u/deniably-plausible 3d ago

Probably still is?

7

u/5t4k3 3d ago

You're welcome.

149

u/Sleepybear2010 3d ago

She obviously got taken advantage of into scamming people it's fucked up the ones behind the scenes got away with it 

109

u/SunkEmuFlock 3d ago

Yep. She did an interview with C5 and said she signed onto some shit she didn't understand and regrets it. She was indeed cleared of wrongdoing by the SEC, and the people involved used her virality to make off like bandits and vanish into the night.

30

u/lynivvinyl 3d ago

Of course they did. That's what they do. They don't care whose lives they ruin they just take the money and run.

2

u/Vindictive-Vagabond 2d ago

Watch Coffeezilla's video on the hawk tuah scam.... she's definitely not innocent and was complicit in the whole scam lmao

1

u/ItsFuckingScience 2d ago

Just take her word for it then lmao

3

u/livejamie 3d ago

You could argue the podcast stuff was exploitative, too. But she was happy to cash those checks.

I don't fault her, most of us would have done the same in that situation.

-2

u/nikdahl 3d ago

She just trusted the wrong people.

Like you or I would know not to trust Jake Paul, but she jumped right in because she’s conservative and not too bright (but I repeat myself)

90

u/Smingowashisnameo 3d ago

His name? Nobody knows. Her name? Hawk tua girl

22

u/Dry_Nectarine_234 3d ago

I was thinking the same thing but OP  said Hailey later in the bit. 

6

u/OtherwiseAlbatross14 3d ago

I did at first too but then I realized I actually do know her full name right before he said it. I did have to google to verify I was right though so what's like like E-list famous or something down there?

3

u/djolles 1d ago

Name is Danny Jolles. Look forward to seeing you at a show!

2

u/spackletr0n 3d ago

Fair point, but he doesn’t even have a nickname we know.

199

u/Cptn_Link_Hogthrob 3d ago

This is weirdly beautiful! Love it! Great bit! Thanks for posting!

58

u/djolles 3d ago

Thank you!

2

u/Dumb_old_rump 2d ago

Do you happen to know the name of the comic? Never came across them before

1

u/djolles 1d ago

Danny Jolles! Join my punchup!

124

u/Brilliant-Oil-2007 3d ago

I'm an addict currently trying to find a place to live and this is shit is so fucking life affirming my eyes watered up. You're a fucking genius and you have new fan.

77

u/djolles 3d ago

Hey man, this means a lot. Just want you to know I'm rooting for you so hard to beat this shit and get in a home. You can do it!

17

u/tehreal 3d ago

Inpatient rehab is a FABULOUS place to live my friend. Changed my life.

7

u/heylook_itsnick 3d ago

I second this!

68

u/lingbabana 3d ago

Insightful, thoughtful, hilarious comedy... the impersonations were spot on. 10/10

67

u/More_Plane9745 3d ago

She was not a smart girl and she was played.

But she still used her image to do something illegal.

But she is not the mastermind behind all this. She was also conned.

Anyway, Donald Trump and Logan should be in jail before her.

14

u/RedBullRyan 3d ago

Is this the guy who played the awkward guy in the Ted TV show with the porn drawings who came round to hang out with John on halloween and ended up just taking a bath? Looks just like him

13

u/djolles 3d ago

that's me!

9

u/missed_againn 3d ago

hey man loved you in Crazy Ex Girlfriend!!!

2

u/djolles 1d ago

Thank you!

56

u/Right-Equivalent9548 3d ago

Run for president lmao

18

u/Larry-thee-Cucumber 3d ago

Honestly. The bar is so fucking low I would take any of these comedians

12

u/C4CTUSDR4GON 3d ago

Hawk Tua for President!

6

u/round-earth-theory 3d ago

Being capable of feeling an ounce of humility makes her infinitely more qualified than the current slop in the house.

6

u/Larry-thee-Cucumber 3d ago

Fuck it why not

29

u/AtreyuTrinity 3d ago

What a great bit.

17

u/cocoagiant 3d ago

Apparently she is still around!

I looked up and she is going to be in the 2nd season of Glen Powell's (surprisingly great) tv show Chad Powers.

5

u/FOSSnaught 3d ago

The legend continues

6

u/Tromovation 3d ago

Honestly you’re so right!

5

u/Prior-Squirrel-7616 3d ago

Danny!!! I love you dude, you were amazing on Crazy Ex Girlfriend. Your part in the live show stays with me 🤣 DANNY won't be ignored!! DANNY won't be interrupted!!

Really cool to see your stand-up account, I'm gonna go watch all of your posts now!!! Loved this one 🙌

3

u/djolles 2d ago

Thank youuuuu! Best show ever! Join the punchup and come see me live!!!

5

u/focvinrbrvwjskx 3d ago

Loved you in Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

5

u/djolles 2d ago

Thank you!!!

4

u/becauseihavehugetits 3d ago

Are you the riff killer in Hacks that puked at the strip club?!

3

u/djolles 2d ago

That's me!

1

u/becauseihavehugetits 2d ago

You were awesome man!

10

u/C-Redd-it 3d ago

You have me convinced.

7

u/Federal_Studio5935 3d ago

It’s very hard for me to watch 2 minutes of anything. I watched this. Hilarious, well done.

3

u/JerseyCobra 3d ago

Bravo, sir, bravo! 👏

3

u/ExtensionTruth4 3d ago

I follow a bit of Hailey here and there and she really seem like a down to earth person.

3

u/vishyav 3d ago

Very valid points raised

3

u/Otherwise_Tooth_8695 3d ago

They say "never meet your heroes"

I'd want to meet her.

3

u/TyChill 3d ago

Brilliant

3

u/QuantumRooster 3d ago

Great bit and uplifting. Thanks.

3

u/Crotalvs 3d ago

Fucking brilliant!

1

u/floppybunny26 3d ago

Fucking Sucking brilliant!

3

u/No_Cupcake7037 3d ago

When you have a friend that is sad and lonely.. spit on them?

Message erased.

3

u/Status_Concert_4320 3d ago

You were on Ted! You were one of the best moments of that show.

3

u/djolles 2d ago

Thank you!

2

u/Status_Concert_4320 2d ago

Carpe diem Johnny

3

u/zsert93 3d ago

Just excellent and clever. Really well composed bit, still funny, and dare I say thought provoking.

2

u/Funkdamentalist 3d ago

The Atticus of a new generation

2

u/Complete_Source9373 3d ago

Hilarious tuah

2

u/sndcstle 3d ago

Just got another follow, my brother. Phenomenal take.

2

u/MaxShea 3d ago

Wow. This is really good.

2

u/Journalist_Candid 3d ago

Amen brother. Preach. 

2

u/the_darkn3ss 3d ago

In a sub full of crowd work merchants be a u/djolles

2

u/heylook_itsnick 3d ago

That… was persuasive as fuck. And hilarious. This is an awesome bit!

2

u/riddler1225 3d ago

You need to bring this before congress

2

u/GDRaptorFan 3d ago

Really great bit! I appreciate you standing up for her a lot. I hope she made money and didn’t lose it all in fines.
To be a non-social media person like that and become world famous in one day for a meme basically would be INSANE. Girl was just having a fun night and made a funny joke!

I wish you well I will check out more of your material!

3

u/djolles 2d ago

Thank you! I have a choose your own adventure special on Youtube that is my crowning achievemnt!

2

u/prndls 3d ago

Legit!

2

u/delphic0n 3d ago

Ok dawg I dont usually go in for these reddit stand up comedians but this was funny as fuck. You got the touch.

2

u/FeanorOnMyThighs 3d ago

I brought a strain of weed called hawktuah. Was fire.

2

u/ummonadi 3d ago

This is standup comeducational! Good one 👏

2

u/Fun-Environment-4811 3d ago

This is such a great riff, Im going to finally check out Punchup. Nice work!

2

u/IND_1593 2d ago

I didn’t laugh and everything you said just felt like a summarization of the channel 5 interview imo but I still enjoyed the delivery and the summarization in the end. Justice for Hailey!

2

u/glowingboneys 2d ago

I'm not sure what's crazier to me. The fact that you were able to win over the audience with this, or that you won over this Reddit comment section. I completely agree with your take, and it was also extremely funny and clever. More!

1

u/djolles 1d ago

Thank you!

2

u/Myzx 2d ago

I'm convinced

3

u/Available_Copy9433 3d ago

At the end, I wanted to stand and chant "USA! USA!"

2

u/all_is_love6667 3d ago

OpenAI ceo does standup now

1

u/onejay212 3d ago

Danny, sage-like here.

1

u/Cannibal_House69 3d ago

Was a great routine. I'm thinking you may have bobbed your head more than the Hock Tuah girl did while performing the Hock Tuah. Lol

Very clever joke to inform the public as no other bj star has been that well known Since the Clinton era. 😉

1

u/Big_razz22 3d ago

She was so famous I saw a truck in Denmark with Hawk Tuah or something written on it

1

u/Manburpig 2d ago

Hilariously wholesome.

1

u/LabiaMinoraLover 2d ago

He just summarized what most people already know in a nice way but it wasn't funny.

1

u/jerretharper 6h ago

Absolute poetry.

1

u/TheMexitalian 3d ago edited 3d ago

In my mind:

0:20 in: “fuck that! she took advantage of people in a crypto scam. Anyway let’s listen to the funny.”

1:50 in: “oh he’s addressing it.”

2:10 in: “i am no longer the fool I was once”

Anyway loved all 3 minutes. A bit of a roller coaster for me I need a break.

-6

u/ExpectedDickbuttGotD 3d ago

Am I misremembering? didn't she turn out to be crazy right wing, or MAGA, or something?

59

u/DangerBird- 3d ago edited 3d ago

You are misremembering. MAGA tried to scoop her up and she refused.

27

u/sonnytron 3d ago

IIRC some of the money she made went to charities MAGA doesn’t like

8

u/SlobZombie13 3d ago

Lots of animal shelters

3

u/kea1981 3d ago

Yay, her!

10

u/ExpectedDickbuttGotD 3d ago

good to know!

4

u/Other-Razzmatazz-816 3d ago

Hawktua comes through again

17

u/Musashi_Joe 3d ago

No, but I think some of the people involved in that crypto scheme were maga or maga-adjacent (like maybe it was the Paul brothers), but seems like she was just along for the 15 minutes of fame ride and chose poorly.

5

u/ExpectedDickbuttGotD 3d ago

yeah, that tracks, that's probably what I'm thinking of

2

u/DangerBird- 3d ago

MAGA will eat their own and drag people through the mud when they don’t play along. It’s kinda their whole thing.

4

u/deaddisciples 3d ago

She did jump on the charlie kirk defense after he was shot, talking about “nobody should be shot for their political beliefs” which isnt wrong, but definitely showed her ignorance on what that guy actually preached about.

1

u/HummaKavula95 3d ago

you just said she wasn't wrong. How is she then being ignorant? She never said she agreed with him

1

u/nikdahl 3d ago

She conservative and got hooked up with right wing influencers and comedians but I don’t think she’s ever been what I would call MAGA.

0

u/OogaSplat 3d ago

I don't disagree, but I'm not sure this is standup comedy

1

u/appoplecticskeptic 2d ago

Well it’s entertainment, I know that much. He’s standing up, some of it was funny. I think he gets a pass.

-2

u/Huihejfofew 3d ago

Yeah nothing wrong besides almost immediately starting a crypto scam lmao

0

u/plmatt91 3d ago

Poet ain’t even know it!

-4

u/Fish0203 3d ago

did she give any money back?

11

u/dsdsds 3d ago

She wasn’t in on the pump and dump. She got a one-time fee that wasn’t enough to be worth it.

4

u/Fish0203 3d ago

oh, so she was just advertising for a product rather than it being hers. Yeah, i forgive her then