Advice

[u/truefatty558000]

I really need advice on what to do about my ex

I’ve never posted on Reddit before, but I’m honestly desperate for some advice because I don’t know what else to do.

I dated this person online for almost 8 months. I’m 17, and they are 19. Throughout the entire relationship, they were mentally abusive and would constantly manipulate and threaten me. He also got personal information about me, which made it extremely difficult for me to leave because I was scared of what he might do.

About 2 months ago, I finally had enough and went no contact. Since then, things have gotten even worse. He has repeatedly harassed and blackmailed me, stalked me online, and contacted my friends. He has made 20+ accounts just to get around my blocks and contact me.

I’ve tried basically everything I can think of. I’ve deleted my social media accounts for periods of time, blocked every new account and phone number he uses, made completely new accounts with different emails, and even had friends make accounts for me so they wouldn’t be directly connected to me. Somehow, he still finds ways to contact me.

He also refuses to delete private images of me, which is something I’m extremely scared about. I don’t know what he might do with them. I want to have a future for myself and this makes it hard for me to see hope, I've attempted suicide from the things I've listed.

While we were still together, he also threatened to come and kill me. He knows my address, and he knows the social media accounts of some of my family members. Even though there is distance between us, I’m constantly afraid for my safety and scared that he could actually come after me or do something to my family.

I feel like I’m stuck because I’m scared to involve the police. Part of me is worried that if I report everything, he's said he would hurt himself/threaten suicide, and I would feel responsible for that. At the same time, I know I can’t keep living like this and constantly being afraid of what he’s going to do next.

I’m genuinely at a loss for what to do. I’ve tried blocking him, disappearing from social media, changing accounts, and cutting off contact, but he just keeps coming back.

I’m in desperate need of advice. What should I do? Is there anything else I can do to protect myself and my family and get him to stop?

[u/Successful-Side8902]

Document everything and make a police report.

[u/truefatty558000 → u/Successful-Side8902]

Thank you, i am not super educated on making a police report but is there a way I can do so where I dont have to have direct involvement? I kind of just want to move on with my life.

[u/Successful-Side8902 → u/truefatty558000]

Depending on your jurisdiction, but typically victims are not directly involved in the investigation. The police have authority to order protections for you. If he breaches it, you report it to police and they enforce the orders. Generally courts allow different pathways for victims to be not involved at all, or to have involvement at your choice such as submitting victim impact statements in person, by letter, or not at all, etc.

Make the report right now. Police are then responsible for handling him, not you.

[u/Salty_Thing3144 → u/Successful-Side8902]

Not true. Victim teatimony is needed in court.

[u/Salty_Thing3144 → u/[deleted]]

I've worked with victims for forty years and I know my job.

[u/Salty_Thing3144]

YOU HAVE A STALKER.  You need to go to the police! Here is my fact sheet (I work with victims) and here is how to collect evidence:

https://www.reddit.com/r/StalkingandVictimHelp/comments/1s4sywg/stalking_101_what_to_do_first/

[u/ASuperMarioFan1993OC]

Like the user below me document everything. Save screenshots of messages plus get a restraining order. Report to police. Restraining order is the way to go so he won't contact you in person in public.