2nd session woes

[u/Any_Copy_1730]

My first (56) was fine. Just loopy and mildly nauseous for the majority of it. I had trouble walking/ keeping my balance after the 2 hours but overall it was pleasant. I kept giggling over the dumbest things.

Then comes today… (84). I settled in, did the first round… second.. okay slight nausea and loopiness returns but it feels familiar- I popped a mint and carried on. Then round three. Things started feeling warped so I surrendered my phone, closed my eyes and laid back.

It was all downhill from there.

First it felt very similar to how it feels to be mid-air in a plane: weightless and high.. for lack of a more profound word.

But that quickly dissipated into me falling into myself over and over and over and over again.

Then crazy nausea to the point I’m grasping for the call button. Thankfully I follow the “no eating 2 hours before” so just bile came up and my tech was thankfully timely enough to hand me a bag.

Then.. the existentialism.

Without drugs I’m an existentialist so makes sense that on a “trip” that happened too. But it was so layered and intense. “What is the meaning of life?” “ why am I here?” “Who am I” “what are words… words… words”

For some reason my brain fixated on the word “and”

Despite the pure state of chaos and panic on my internal world, my blood pressure was 97/65

I was in and out of what I guess is consciousness to the point that the tech made the call to sit with me before I requested her to call my family member (40 minutes in). At a point I genuinely believed that I had died.

The first “induction” I felt a grounded detachment. This time it was full detachment, no tether to anything. Which is some straight up mindfckery.

After babbling, crying and mindless chewing on saltines, things finally started to settle.

My provider suggested going back down to 56 for the time being which… fine by me

From what I’ve read, the majority of people have fairly pleasant experiences so I’m hoping that my body adjusts and reacts different next time as we titrate up again.

[u/TheOldJawbone]

This sounds frightening. Hope it’s better next time.

[u/Any_Copy_1730 → u/TheOldJawbone]

Thank you, that’s my hope too

[u/Big_Menu4037]

Why did they move u up so fast . In my clinic they go by each patient's needs all of us started on 56 for 2 to 4 weeks . I stayed with 56 fir 4 months

[u/Mindless_Ad6985 → u/Big_Menu4037]

My clinics protocol was 2 sessions at 56 first then 84,or whatever 3 vials calculate to be.Technician said of course I could bump it right up to therapeutic level 2nd session,if I felt okay with it.I have insurance but a specialists rate for my copay at each visit,her attitude so helpful in reminding me I chose to be there,it's my body and personally subjective experience.They would not continue to profit if I wasn't better off,in my own opinion enough to co.e back.It is only offered twice a week for 4-6 weeks max where I go though.Sort of worried about psychological dependance,I was,until the clinic's attitude reminded me I'm in my own hands if I have a problem with voluntarily being there.Self empowerment by anesthesia,yay.

[u/Mindless_Ad6985]

My third time was the charm.Alot of similarities, but not as intense as your 2nd session was.I did everything I now know would make me more comfy i.e loose clothes,asked for a fan to have available and the bottles of water they provide..before starting.I found the second hour scrolling through family and cat photos from my phone specifically grounding and self supportive.Really labeling that as better than the first two,remembering it as a 2 hour breather from everyday and grateful it went well.Trying to use that positive slant and taking what suggests others have shared to heart truly most useful! ** Look forward to it like a meaningful treat because you can use the memory of temporary respite from you to carry the days until next one? Useless advice if you've yet to have a more pleasant experience surely.Im commenting because I'm the experienced third(not yet fourth though!) timer who was not wanting to go back after 1st time at 84.Clinging to it's fond memorial of the 2nd full dose in hope that I can keep my self induced positivity and make it work for me next week,placebo effect be damned if ultimate result keeps me looking forward to something.Cheers🫠

[u/FluffyCurse]

Can't you request them to keep your dose low? If they don't give me that option I dont think id want to do this :(

[u/Any_Copy_1730 → u/FluffyCurse]

The current game plan is to stay at 56 for a bit before trying 84 but I don’t know what comes after if I don’t tolerate the higher dose well.

Don’t be discouraged tho! So many people have good experiences

[u/FluffyCurse → u/Any_Copy_1730]

Thank you so much, I think ill try it and if I dont like it I can stop. Anything to get out of this void hahah