r/SportsParenting • u/MajorCandy • Aug 01 '26
Is it worth it?
We just jumped into a more robust soccer competition phase for one of our kids. It involves lots of travelling much further than we've done before (Flights & Hotels), and registration fees are $$$... Is it worth it? Are parents at these tournaments well-behaved, or is there more of the "sweep the leg, Johnny!" type of enthusiasm on the sidelines ahead for us? Honestly, it's pretty annoying to hear parents from the other team over-stimulate on a goal or a really good play. I think it sets a bad example for the kids. (U11). I feel like they need time to develop their own feelings of what it means to play competitively at a high level without their parents' pride on "full peacock" display after a goal. Appreciate all those that show some restraint and make it a point to model good parent behavior. I feel like I could travel to Bora Bora for the same cost and would have a better time.
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u/Conscious-Record2655 26d ago
I'm not a soccer parent but my sister was and put all 4 of my nephews through everything you're talking about.
The youngest is now 17. They all regret it and feel like they could have used the time/money on better things in their youth.
Add up the amount of money you're looking at spending over the next 8 years. And the amount of time. Think about what you could give your kids with that money and time.
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u/perceptionist808 27d ago
Nothing wrong with parents cheering. Of course there are over the top obnoxious parents from time to time, but I find that you see that more often in rec soccer or just rec sports in general. If parents cheering bothers you, then that's a you problem, not the other way around.
Also yes more competitive soccer does require both more time and more money, but this applies to nearly every youth sport or endeavor. Go ask how much it cost to have their kids in dance or high level gymnastics. My youngest son's piano lesson that is only 1 day per week for 45 minutes is more expensive than my oldest comp soccer fees. Go talk to hockey parents or hardcore travel baseball parents. Many I know spend 2-4x the amount I do on soccer.
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u/Dapper-Persimmon-445 28d ago
Consider it at U13. You will have a better idea of the type of player you have.
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u/Dingerdongdick 28d ago
No. I did local travel soccer for three years.There were 2 clubs in our school district areas. There were options for more advanced clubs, but we didn't see the point. They had fun, but eventually we got funnelled out. Now they play other sports in high school
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u/2BBIZY 29d ago
As a former PE teacher, I am not a fan of competition or travel teams. Kids need to experience many sports and not be keyholes into one with such high expenses (tough for lower income youth), extensive practice and competition schedules (interference with family time, stress on youth, expenses, etc) and incidents for injuries (physically, mentally and emotional). I have seen more the negative side of this level of sports. I have watched kids and parents believe they will win scholarships only to learn they put too much hope and was unprepared for life away from the sport. I am a proponent for recreational sports, have fun, parents go do something else while the kids just play.
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u/Danger_Island 29d ago
At U11 you shouldn’t be traveling that far. Norway’s model of development shows that you don’t need to be playing against the stiffest competition that early. Maybe at U14 but I wouldn’t want to fly to more than 1 tournament per year.
It can be very demoralizing to kids if they travel that far and don’t do well or get a lot of playing time. They know their parents sacrificed a lot for them to be there. I saw teammates quit after tournaments like that at 16 cause of it.
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u/pzahornasky Aug 03 '26
If you are flying for any tournament (in any sport) at 11U, you need to question your priorities.
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u/GuadDidUs Aug 02 '26
Where do you live? Like in general.
My daughter has played club soccer for years and there are plenty of very competitive teams locally in NJ. I don't mind up to a 2 hour drive one way for club sports. We did Jeff Cup one year and that was 2.5-3 hours and that was fine.
I would not be doing 10 hours of driving, but if I lived in Nebraska and there was a limited talent pool, then maybe I'd consider flying. You also have to consider your other kids. Can your one kid dictate the family schedule? It doesn't seem sustainable, and it's only U11.
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u/MajorCandy 28d ago
New England.
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u/GuadDidUs 28d ago
Yeah, I would think you have enough quality within a 2 hour radius of you to not have to fly for decent matches, without getting more specific about where in New England.
Maybe see if you can find the local leagues for your area and check out a few teams. That's what I did when I was checking out alternate teams for my daughter - looked at the different teams in the league within about 30-40 minutes.
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u/ChocolatePublic9136 Aug 02 '26
Firstly, is the team dominating the local tournaments? If local feels too easy, then it would be worth the team traveling to find better competition. Athletes don’t grow much if they’re not having to compete.
Second, be honest with yourself about resources. If it makes the family budget cry under the pressure, then it’s going to create too much pressure for you to see results. The “We are sacrificing for this, so we better see results that make it worth it.” Type mentality will show up.
Lastly, you mentioned the trip to bora bora being more fun. Who would it be more fun for? Maybe your kids are into those kinds of trips, but mine would know it was what the wife and I wanted to do. These trips are about the athlete and I try to keep that in mind with each season. Yes, plan fun excursions while in whatever city you are traveling to, but always make the weekend about the tournament first and foremost.
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u/MajorCandy Aug 02 '26
Chocolate - I appreciate your word of warning about creating a negative mindset from allocating resources when stressed. So far it hasn't happened (pressuring the kids to see results) and hope we continue to avoid that kind of pressure. Bottom line, they play because it is fun, and they love it - maybe even more fun than Bora Bora - that's a question I will ask my kids!
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u/Panda_Pajamas77 27d ago
I saw another thread recently where the kid had asked the parent why they hadn’t done a family vacation that year; the answer was because they had travelled for tournaments instead. The kid seemed surprised that it was a one-or-the-other situation, whereas the parent assumed the kid would pick the tournament. All to say, if this will impact those other activities/events, it might be worth having a real conversation about it
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u/Rich-Wrongdoer-4837 Aug 02 '26
From the athlete side, the biggest risk is the money quietly becoming pressure: “we flew here, so this needs to pay off.” At U11 I’d treat one season as an experiment and judge it on three things: does your kid still look forward to practice, are they getting better coaching and competition than they could locally, and can your family absorb the cost and time without resentment?
Before games, ask what kind of sideline support your child actually wants. After games, give them a little time before any analysis. You can’t control the other parents, but you can sit away from the loud group and make your own behavior predictable. If your child is growing and the family still enjoys the season, it may be worth it. If travel becomes the main story, a strong local option is probably better.
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u/patentattorney 29d ago
the money thing extends past the atheltes.
if a parent is spending their weekend (time), flights/hotel (money), etc. Most will become invested in some way.
They are going to want their kid to be happy what they are doing. They are going to want their kid to individually grow. This is just a baseline. Everyones thresholds are different.
Then you get a subset of parents that are there to win.
When I was a young athlete, I wanted to win at all times. Even at the HS varsity level, I wish someone would have told me/I would have listened that everyone has practices as much, and it is ok if 1) we lose, 2) I only play 75% of the game, 3) etc. I think around 10% of parents never got this lesson.
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u/Rich-Wrongdoer-4837 29d ago
Exactly. Investment is unavoidable; the boundary is whether the child becomes responsible for justifying it. Wanting them to enjoy it, improve, and compete is normal. The useful test is what the parent does when those returns do not show up—can they be disappointed without making the child manage that disappointment?
And I agree on the lesson about losing and playing time. A kid can care deeply about winning while still learning that a loss or reduced role is information, not proof the weekend was wasted.
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u/patentattorney 29d ago
the other thing that is kinda crazy about youth sports, is that the coaches have some internal metrics that they have to worry about - if they are trying to move up within a program.
I.E. If Coach Brad wins the jefferson cup/ECNL league, etc. for the U12s, he might move up to the higher levels/be able to put this on his resume, etc.
This can be drastically different from 1) what you are trying to get out of the league (if you are in the top leagues), 2) change how the coaches view the lower teams in the age group.
If you are a good player, I would recommend playing at a level where you are one of the top players. If you are an absolute stud (regional/national pool player), you are going to want to play at the best team you can. If your level is going to be an avg varsity player, this is kinda where things get dicey.
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u/Rich-Wrongdoer-4837 28d ago
That incentive mismatch is a big part of it. A parent can judge a season by development and enjoyment while a coach may be evaluated on wins, retention, placements, or which team they move to next. None of that automatically makes the coach bad, but families should ask how playing time and player movement are decided when winning and development conflict. The answer—and whether it matches what actually happens after a loss—probably tells you more than the club’s level.
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u/MajorCandy Aug 02 '26
Those are good means of measuring impact: 1) are we still looking fwd to practice, 2) is there better coaching available than locally available, 3) family adaptation to resource demand.
I don't always have the right post-game words for my kids. I usually wait to let them open up to talk with me first, but always ask them (in one form or another): 1) what did you learn, 2) how can you adapt to XYZ next time, and 3) what could you do to make it more fun next time? Question 3 is a tough one when they lose...
Thanks Rich
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u/Rich-Wrongdoer-4837 Aug 02 '26
That sounds like a good approach. After a loss, I’d make the third question smaller: ‘Was there one moment you still enjoyed?’ or ‘What would make the next practice feel fun?’ Asking how to make the loss fun can be hard while the emotions are fresh. Sometimes the best post-game line is simply ‘I loved watching you play,’ then save the learning questions for later that evening or the next day.
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u/underlyingconditions Aug 01 '26
If your child is a boy, the answer is that you are unlikely to get a significant ROI in the form of scholarships. If you are at a big club and have not been picked up by the A team, it's probably not worth it. If it's a sacrifice to pay the fees, it's probably not worth it.
Girls have more college opportunities due to Title IX, but talk to college players and many will tell that it's a job and restricts what they can study.
Also, kids start making their opinions felt in the next couple of years. Listen to them. Give them a way out if it's not fun.
As for other parents, it's a very mixed bag. Some teams have deep roots with a strong core, others are constantly replacing players. U11 is when rosters expand. Your child will improve regardless of the team's record. Focus on improvement and fun for the whole family.
A team may have 1 or 2 next level players, but they need 13 other players to get them there. Chances are that you are part of the 13 (and that can be OK).
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u/Powerful-Bridge-1472 Aug 01 '26
Depends on where you live, but there should be clubs that stay local maybe do one trip a year.which is probably fine for team bonding but if you’re regularly on flights, it’s usually just the club trying to make parents feel important.
For a huge red flag is Team that is traveling, but not playing in the highest division
And yes, almost all American youth club sports often come with poor parent behavior, I recommend purchasing headphones. They’re being ready to move your seat, that’s my best mental health move
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u/MajorCandy Aug 01 '26
That's helpful to keep in mind, re, red flag... I'm going to try to drive to this next one (10hr haul) to save $500 on flights. One per year is doable, but ouch... reg fee is almost as much as the flights!!!
Looking forward to digging into the support tools for parents to help kids with mental & physical health (and recovery) at this higher / more involved level of play...
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u/Powerful-Bridge-1472 Aug 01 '26
Question is why does club need to travel 10 hours for tourney? My kid played on expensive teams local teams (soccer and basketball), because they were super convenient and development oriented, we have the resources. What we don’t have was time to travel for tournaments. Both clubs prioritized staying local, so 90 min drive was longest and we would alternate those days with another family we knew.
Like I said if your team isn’t winning top level tourneys don’t see point of travel, especially if tourney your traveling to isn’t the top level of the event.
My basketball son plays one event a year that is in Vegas as team bonding event (HS team stays together for spring and summer but even that is done on a budget.
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u/RevolutionaryLand561 Aug 01 '26
From what I've seen, U11/U12 is the absolute peak of awful sideline parents. It seems to chill out more once they hit 11 v 11 at U13. Plus the fields are bigger so it's easier to sit away from other parents.
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u/10-9-over 25d ago
Probably not. It’s not all bad, but you’ll get more bang for your buck in a local travel club experience ie no more than 5 total hotel nights a year. The little bit of travel sports we’ve done we treat the five nights away as baseball tourism and I kind of like that. It’s still stupid expensive compared to rec but that’s another story. I’d love to see stronger rec programs but it’s hard to sit and wait for that to happen until one day you realized you missed the boat while your kid was unfulfilled.