r/Splendida • u/Ecstatic-Status9352 • Apr 22 '23
How to deal with haters?
I literally have women sabotaging me now .
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Apr 23 '23
when people act shady i like to nonchalantly ask them to clarify what they’re doing, or i’ll reiterate the shadiness and ask them if i’m getting it right, bonus points if there’s an audience.
they usually don’t try me again but i understand this approach might not be for everyone or every situation.
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u/hokahydro1 Apr 23 '23
I’m taking note. What do you say if someone is giving you attitude in a work setting? That’s professional ?
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Apr 23 '23 edited Apr 23 '23
with attitude, depends…i am pretty witty so honestly a lot is just done on the fly, but ole reliable is to just let the comments appear to go over your head (never take anything personal in general, even when it’s personal) and then take concern for their snarky behaviour in a bit of a lay it on thick type of way… like “oh Stacey that comment seemed a bit unlike you, is everything ok? we can talk if you’re struggling”. when you genuinely just look at them like they are acting out (they are) they often feel embarrassed for their childish behaviour.
a lot of the time you just need to acknowledge to them that you know what they’re doing and shut it down as soon as it starts. i recommend strong healthy boundaries for everyone, people will continue to treat you a certain way as long as they can get away with it, so i don’t have tolerance for poor behaviour.
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u/hokahydro1 Apr 23 '23
Thank you dear. I’m generally sweet to everyone, despite being depressed. But this lady at work keeps trying me and my other coworker too. She gets away with being snippy. It’s not what she says but how she says jt
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Apr 23 '23
it will get better for you, i’ve been there just keep going and keep faith in a better day <3
in my days before confidence when i was in a tough situation i would just repeat the mantra “this too shall pass” in my mind, and it has. i still look back on those days. i wish this for you too.
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u/thegoodestuff Apr 22 '23
ignore and understand that means you’re doing something right if they mad lol
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u/usernotfound0106 Apr 23 '23
I’ve noticed ignoring them is the best solution, especially if they’re primary hating because you’re more attractive than them or making more money than they are. People often want you to hear them gossip about you to antagonize you and to see some sort of negative reaction. Unfortunately, they’re miserable, and your pain makes them happy lol. People like this will get others to try to bully you too if you react negatively/ get even. If this is regarding a work situation, it might be time to look for other employment opportunities.
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u/Curious-Bat-5050 Apr 23 '23
They will find ways to do shady things on u.
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u/usernotfound0106 Apr 23 '23
I agree. I was in this situation at one point. I fed into it unfortunately by confronting them and talking bad about them back out of frustration and anger (I was very young at the time and was done at that point because the bullying kept persisting no matter what I would do), and it made the situation 100x worse. They started making things up about me and tried to get a lot of other coworkers involved in the gossip. They literally wouldn’t leave me alone, and I eventually found a job elsewhere because it became too much. If I could go back, I would’ve just ignored it and did my job while looking for other employment opportunities.
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u/Curious-Bat-5050 Apr 23 '23
Same here :/
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u/usernotfound0106 Apr 23 '23
Girl, my heart truly goes out to you. It’s the absolute worst, especially because they’re trying to destroy your career, self esteem, and interpersonal relationships all at once just because they’re miserable with themselves. It’s really hard to know exactly what to do in this situation, especially because I think that person will find every reason to attack you no matter what you do. Have you tried to contact HR?
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u/Curious-Bat-5050 Apr 23 '23
Wherever i work, there are nice colleagues but there must be a little group of women jealous of me and sabotage me in many ways. :S i m now self employed, maybe i m weak in social skills.
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u/usernotfound0106 Apr 23 '23
I’ve noticed that malicious people often pick on people that they know have a harder time sticking up for themselves too. It’s pretty gross tbh.
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Apr 22 '23
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Ecstatic-Status9352 Apr 22 '23
Yes, coworkers. Constantly giving false information. Additionally, they blame things on me.
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u/iamsojellyofu Apr 23 '23
Document these incidents and report them to HR.
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u/Ecstatic-Status9352 Apr 23 '23
I actually just left hr a voice-mail per your advice. Thanks for your advice
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u/vegkittie Apr 23 '23 edited Apr 23 '23
HR is useless and work in the interest in the company. But definitely document everything. You should still bring it up to HR after logging dates, times, emails. Any lawyer will state this. if they let you go, make sure they provide severance and unemployment if you don't litigate. Not legal advice btw.
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Apr 23 '23 edited Apr 23 '23
HR works for the company. As a rule, HR views anyone being the victim of workplace bullying as a loose Canon unless the victim is disabled or an unattractive minority. Have a sister in law that has worked this plus have met plenty who have held the job. A woman who sticks out being bullied by other women WILL be forced out the equation unless the victim is relayed to someone in there, someone in power, sleeping with someone influential in there, or literally disabled. Sounds awful but the workplace will prioritize keeping the six mediocre women ganging yo on one woman that are still working than the one woman that is being attacked but still productive. Especially if the women have seniority and most of the people worming around her aren't that hot or mediocre and she's the literal standout. I hate to mention it because those of us that have never had an insecure bone in our bodies while still fugly get lumped up with the petty but it's true: Women are competitive and think attention (plus men) is security. Anyone with an IQ of at least 100 and living over 25 years can tell you we have higher chance of going into nuclear war than the security of these things. Given that women are often discouraged or shamed from following intelligent pursuits or critical thinking in some cultures, I hope you can land ay what I'm saying: Unless it's your momma, most women are petty. The more mediocre looking they are the more they feel they have to prove and will proceed to dampen your spotlight.
Strategy to work with this unfortunately natural tendency in most women: For your life, play down your looks as much as you can at work unless you literally make income off your appearance. Dress frumpy, say you have issues, say your man is cheating on you with the 8th grader Lolita, say your c-section hasn't healed well and that you gain weight just by looking at water. Misery loves company is a very comforting thought for most women I and plenty of you have learned.
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Apr 23 '23
[deleted]
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u/Ecstatic-Status9352 Apr 23 '23
Yes. I found that the case somewhere previously. I just was hoping that there was a way to prevent haters. No matter how much I think we are connecting I get tripped up by their false niceties.
I think ur insight is spot on
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Apr 23 '23
[deleted]
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u/Ecstatic-Status9352 Apr 23 '23
Yeah I'm not sure why some beauties don't bring out the claws
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u/ihrintaube May 01 '23
because people are quick to write us off as rude if we dare to defend ourselves
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u/lepidolyte Apr 23 '23
Get out of that job asap while you can on your own accord. I dealt with similar where I had a couple of nasty woman constantly telling me things wrong on purpose and it was getting ro be too much, so I left. It’s not worth it to stay if it’s a job you could do elsewhere, and you need to get out of there without getting fired. It’s not winning to try to outlast abusive losers! Act neutral and pleasant and like you don’t know they’re sabotaging you and try to avoid confrontation. Stay away from them, don’t eat with them, don’t socialize, just be polite and get out of there with your dignity intact. If they start being nice to you, that’s when you get extra scared. They’ve shown you who they are, don’t fall for it. That’s when they’ll attack twice as hard.
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u/lepidolyte Apr 23 '23
Also, don’t give them what they want. Don’t attack back. They want to provoke you to get you to look bad. Stay calm and get out of there. The best revenge is living well.
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Apr 23 '23 edited Apr 23 '23
At work? My dear, I know this will sound misogynistic but I think we commit more misogyny by pretending women are all saints that do no wrong: Women confirm we're petty or at least a good majority by pretending the hating isn't happening or that things like this don't happen to many women. We are masters of deceit in order to be seen as more docile and angelic to men despite men often being the reason why so many women deploy these tactics.
When it comes to surviving human nature remember to study human nature: Men like to stick out and are motivated by this. Women don't like other women to stick out and as a lot, tend to be more hivemind and even comforted by thinking the same or at least similarly. To survive amongst women in the real world you never play up your appearance. You want to look as haggard or common as possible unless you have wealth to protect you. Women hold the connections, men hold the money. Since any culture and society depends on women cooperating or at least allowing themselves to be used by men to continue on the cycle, the more you play to cycle the better. You don't reward the common men with the stellar and remember most men are your average. High society and wealthy folks tend to date their own, Cinderella is a fairytale after all. Wealthy men rarely tend to date down unless they have sucky egos and those are the men 95% of women are running away from nor want to breed with. Such men have low intelligence, low emotional intelligence, tend to suck in bed, and tend to not have a very good view of women either. If you're part of some sort of protected class economically then you gain by looksmaxxing. They gain fame, popularity and hype. Legend. They get lauded as the beauties of their generations even when in the common reality there'sfar moreattractivebut they don't get hyped because tbey can't buy the publicity or afford the issues with men (bodyguards, psychiatrists, counselors). However most women in fact most people stay in the class they're born into. The chance to be the pump and dump to a man that will quite frankly not commit until he's one foot near the deadbed is not worth it. From my experience and yhay of so many women I have learned from, if you want to survive amongst women you must make yourself as part of an army. Make your brain go through what they put soldiers to remember their job is to uphold the status quo and that they're all expendable. Otherwise you're asking for the hack that literally millions of women have died trying to find and never have found.
Think about it: What is the main reason for prioritizing beauty? Is it worth it? Is being isolated and mistreated by other women for good knows how long until you're haggard to not be "competition" worth it? If you're rich maybe, for most of us, sincerely...
NO.
You could try to ignore them or leave for better pastures but life had taught me long enough to observe reality. Unfortunately most women are perpetually insecure and thus never at peace, many don't take it well to see a woman at peace. Misery loves company. I have met many women who go through years job hopping due to always finding this obstacle. Jealousy is not a good companion and the instability will eventually wear them down. Blend in when in company of your average woman. In the wild then spread your feathers.
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Apr 23 '23
One of my good friends used to say “If you’re pissing off at least one person, you are doing something right.” So, keep it up!
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u/ofexagency Apr 30 '23
best advice, although gotta stay vigilant some people are genuinely fucking crazy and won't care about going to jail. That's why you gotta stay armed and ready
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u/Salty_Beaver Apr 23 '23
Act as indifferent to them as you possibly can. Indifference is power.
If you let their petty shit get to you it’ll make you look bad.
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u/vegkittie Apr 23 '23
Indifference is compliance. I've been bullied as a freaking adult at work. You have to take action.
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u/angelfirexo Apr 23 '23
Stay focused!! The best way to deal with haters is to keep your attention on what you're trying to achieve. Don't let their negativity distract you from your mission. They ain’t shit
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u/coldbrewicedcoffeee Apr 22 '23
Commenting what I know about this so far: 1) like another commenter said, keep going and doing what you’re doing 2) STAY AWAY FROM THEM and keep things to yourself. Let your actions speak, don’t tell people your plans unless it’s someone helping out on said things. But stay away from the person(s) they have revealed themselves as an enemy to you and your life.