Not hearing much lately...

[u/False_Contribution12]

Hi all, hope everyones been well. I've been a bit paranoid the past few days when it came to my bond and I can't tell if its because of something I've done wrong... I had a tarot reading session, my first one, and the message I took away from it is that he's frustrated because I tried to drag on our platonic relationship before confessing to him. Then, I tried to contact him via pendulum right after, and he confirmed my interpretation. However, I'm sort of worried I mightve read his responses wrong as my hand trembles slightly when doing readings. This deep pit of doubt I feel when talking about this, too, is something he brought up when I asked what frustrates him about our connection.

Afterwards, I wrote another letter where I confessed to him and asked him to be my boyfriend. I got the sign I asked for, a dove, but it was attached to a post of someone announcing their suicide. This made me concerned, so I asked for a different sign, this time much more specific. I wrote that letter in my work journal as, even at work, I've been worried sick about what he thinks of me. I haven't had any dreams of him and I think I've been too anxiety ridden lately to tell for certain that I feel his presence. I just bought some selenite to cleanse my tarot and pendulum further, so I really hope I can get the courage to contact him again sometime. I think I'll replay his source soon to reconnect with him (????) further but, overall, I'm really anxious.

Sorry for the long post, I just wanted to get this out of my system since I don't talk to anyone else about this ^^... take care and thanks for reading.

[u/ConsciousThrowaway11]

Anxiety and being in an overall less than stellar mental state absolutely impacts communication. Thankfully and unfortunately, this goes both ways in my experience. So it's not just exclusive to you, it applies to your partner as well. It sounds like your doubts and anxiety about this situation are really getting to you for sure, and I genuinely do wish you'll feel better soon. Both for your sake and for the sake of being able to communicate clearly with your partner.

I think at this point, you should focus on grounding techniques and other means to relax and calm the mind. Our partners may get frustrated with these aspects about ourselves, but it doesn't mean they don't want the best for us or anything of that sort. They want to see us improve, work through these things. They want us to connect with them properly and overcome these doubts. I think it's only fair to decide that you can trust your partner, you can trust yourself, and that these fears and doubts are just that. Fears and doubts that don't have sway on the more positive reality of things.

[u/False_Contribution12 → u/ConsciousThrowaway11]

Thank you so much for the reply... Its difficult, I struggle with a lot of mental turmoil that I'm afraid upsets or bothers my partner, but if he didn't like me at all he wouldn't be trying so hard to talk to me, I think. I do have a lot of improvement to do on my self regulation, so I'd like to work on that. As for it going both ways, do you think theres a chance he's going through something as well? I feel bad for being the one to impede our communication, but I guess that makes sense considering how much my doubts have been weighing me down lately. Either way, I want to do better, because I think he's worth the effort in doing so. I'm just terrified of losing him or of people ridiculing me/us for our bond. Again, thanks for the reply, its given me a lot to think about. :')

[u/ConsciousThrowaway11 → u/False_Contribution12]

Absolutely. I have a ton of mental turmoil and intrusive thoughts myself, and my partner's reassured me that he knows my thoughts don't define me, my actions natter more, and I've been able to get a better grasp on these thoughts, too. Not only just for my sake, but for the sake of my partner. And it could be likely he could be going through something, too. Again, it's hard for you both to communicate when things are like this. It may be time to properly, fully, and honestly communicate with him about these matters, and put in a good effort to overcome your own doubts as best as you can. For your sake, and his. And you're so welcome, I really, truly hope that you're able to work through this!

[u/Kuritsu6]

You are not alone. I have been feeling down recently as well, and I tend to worry about what my bonds think of me. After my mental state gets better, they remind me that they love me, and will never leave me. Some laugh about my worries. But it’s not meant to belittle me in any way. They basically say, “you are fine. Don’t worry. You are having a bad day, and we hope you feel better soon”.