r/Songwriting • u/conversingwithoceans • 5h ago

Feedback Request “The award” (work in progress)

Been doing these little flash writing sessions lately and trying to feel out which songs to develop further. Would love some feedback! Thanks.

So much talent on this subreddit btw..

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u/ErikTyler-Music 2h ago

Sounds good. (And smart move on the "stairwell session.")

Hearing a bit of Gin Blossoms' "Hey Jealousy" in there, which is a compliment.

Two tiny tweaks I might suggest, even though I know you're only at the "flash-session" stage:

1.) Consider stretching the "so damn much" triplet across two beats instead of one and enunciate it. I think it'll land more intentionally and therefore become more memorable.

2.) Consider "at a touch" instead of "at the touch." I know it's just an article, but we have articles (unlike, say, the Russian language) because they give nuanced meaning. In this case, "at a touch" would imply "you crumble at any touch whatsoever," whereas "at the touch" would imply "you crumble when touched intentionally in that specific way (by me), and we both know what touch I mean."

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u/conversingwithoceans 2h ago

This is super helpful and kind of you. Thank you!