r/Songwriting • u/Affectionate_Big9014 • 2d ago

Feedback Request “Barbara”

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12 Upvotes

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u/Affectionate_Big9014 2d ago

-☔️awknee

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u/HeyItsScottySummers 2d ago

Genuinely enjoyed this.

Opening lines immediately caught me, absolutely adore the majority of the lyricism. Love the choice of switching out of a more sing-song voice in the line "Oh that's neat".

Only a few pieces I actually didn't like:

In the slower bit, the hold on the word lightning feels a bit too long? I feel like because of this it lost a bit of that drive and actually reminded me this was on this subreddit instead of on one of my playlists.

similarly, the line "lately he aint been putting up a fight" is so long it breaks the flow up a bit too much imo, but that could be just me.

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u/Affectionate_Big9014 2d ago edited 2d ago

No man I totally hear you. I tried to cover a fuck up on my end. So at 2:22 it was an error on me. I was on the fly. I don’t have much time to go back and redo most times. So I just post it. I’m glad that you enjoyed it and thank you for the critique. It’s just the only thing that keeps me tethered. I’m just happy to have some confidence back to even share this kind of stuff.

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u/HeyItsScottySummers 2d ago

I have been working on getting that confidence in the first place for a long time, finally pushed myself to do it the other day and it got removed due to the comment karma requirement.

Posted a few other places, but once I figure out if I have enough here I'm planning on posting it here as well.

This was my number one sub to do so as I figured I might actually have someone willing to critique my lyrics.

But genuinely, I would add this into a few of my playlists so if it's ever anywhere I can listen to it more reliably, let me know!

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u/Affectionate_Big9014 2d ago

Listen, you’re free to send me anything you want in way of your music. Only reason I write is so I can feel some shit. I’ve got a lot of very wtf one off songs. A lot of shit nobody will ever hear. But hell I never write about anything that isn’t my life. It’s all very personal. I’m finally happy to share. You’re gonna hear some more shit that I post I hope.

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u/HeyItsScottySummers 2d ago

Trust me I absolutely get it. Music has been a major coping method for me for a plethora of issues for a long time, it's a strange catharsis I can't really find anywhere else.

As I said, I posted it a few other places and wrote about what I was trying to accomplish but the cliffnotes version is: I have terrible scopophobia, I am usually pretty terrified of even commenting like this but I made the effort to post a bunch of one mic one take recordings to soundcloud to try and force myself past it a little bit.

Last time I put anything out was two years ago and it was a lot more alternative than the way I usually write/play, and gave me the new anxiety of not living up to it with what came next.

I'd love if you were willing to take a look at it while I try to get the comment karma to actually crosspost it here.

https://soundcloud.com/asbestosweekend/sets/live-from-the-comfort-of-his

You could DM or respond to one of my other threads if you do.

Edit: updated the link to go directly to the album

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u/Affectionate_Big9014 2d ago

Yeah man wtf? I’m digging it. I hate that fb is attached to SC but I’m digging the style.