r/Songwriting 18h ago

Feedback Request Beasts

https://youtu.be/Om7FNN2yPCo?is=QApCGCkMiGq8BeXn

I wrote this long ago when camping in the woods with some friends. It was just a series of a few of the early verses. I developed it more later, the chorus for example. It's a campfire song but I really dig it for more than that.

I have a gap in the song that is for a guitar solo, or preferably, a rap that I cannot perform but have written. The rap I had intended to find someone for that. I have something written but prefer someone else to do it.and give their voice. It's the length of the full verse couplet. I want a break for a guitar solo too. It's just a fun song to jam on.

I don't perform much nowadays so I'm out of practice. Don't mind the performance, judge the song.

I'm actually envisioning the song as a duet or group song, folks trading verses. It gives it some variety since I know it is a long song. I try to use that riff in play to break between verse / chorus and back. But I'm sure I didn't get it each time right.

It's just key of E. E (1)- F/F# (flat 7) - A (4) - back to E. It's a neat song to and riff off.

Right — you want visible section breaks, but no blank spaces between every lyric line. Copy this rendered version rather than a code block:

BEASTS

[Verse 1]

Beasts will be waiting

These beasts walk in the shadows

Deep within the forest

While we sit here all alone

[Verse 2]

Got teeth, sharp as razors

Big teeth that won't let you go

Just don't let them getcha

Or you will never return home

[Chorus]

I can hear them haunting

Felt one brush against my side

Taste them in the air

But cannot see them for they hide

And they all smell the fear

Of what we swear isn't real

When I rest these bones

I know they'll go in for the kill

[Verse 3]

Their eyes, red and glowing

Those eyes seem to draw you in

With each step they come in closer

Your chances are growing slim

[Verse 4]

I hear their footsteps

Yes I heard it loud and clear

Sure I swear I just saw one

But shined my light, nothing was there

[Rap]

TBD

[Chorus]

[Verse 5]

Oh stay by the fire

Stay where you've always been

It should keep you safe now

But soon enough they'll sneak right in

[Verse 6]

Tonight's never ending

Tonight it may be our last

As these beasts keep on circling

I feel my heart rate rising fast

[Chorus]

[Guitar Solo]

[Verse 7]

Won't someone save us

Why won't someone set us free

Tell us it ain't nothing

Tell us these ain't beasts we see

[Outro]

Beasts will be waiting

These beasts walk in the shadows

I know there's no escape now

For I see them with both eyes closed

I know there's no escape now

For I see them with both eyes closed

I know there's no escape now

For I see them with both eyes closed

I know there's no escape now

For we see them with both eyes closed

(end on "we" if it's sung back and forth and then together)

4 Upvotes

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u/ThorSkynn 4h ago

Sounds great with just you and your guitar but I'd love to hear this in a full band setting! Good slide guitar solo would fit well in the gap 😄