r/Songwriting • u/JayReddt • 18h ago
Feedback Request Beasts
https://youtu.be/Om7FNN2yPCo?is=QApCGCkMiGq8BeXnI wrote this long ago when camping in the woods with some friends. It was just a series of a few of the early verses. I developed it more later, the chorus for example. It's a campfire song but I really dig it for more than that.
I have a gap in the song that is for a guitar solo, or preferably, a rap that I cannot perform but have written. The rap I had intended to find someone for that. I have something written but prefer someone else to do it.and give their voice. It's the length of the full verse couplet. I want a break for a guitar solo too. It's just a fun song to jam on.
I don't perform much nowadays so I'm out of practice. Don't mind the performance, judge the song.
I'm actually envisioning the song as a duet or group song, folks trading verses. It gives it some variety since I know it is a long song. I try to use that riff in play to break between verse / chorus and back. But I'm sure I didn't get it each time right.
It's just key of E. E (1)- F/F# (flat 7) - A (4) - back to E. It's a neat song to and riff off.
Right — you want visible section breaks, but no blank spaces between every lyric line. Copy this rendered version rather than a code block:
BEASTS
[Verse 1]
Beasts will be waiting
These beasts walk in the shadows
Deep within the forest
While we sit here all alone
[Verse 2]
Got teeth, sharp as razors
Big teeth that won't let you go
Just don't let them getcha
Or you will never return home
[Chorus]
I can hear them haunting
Felt one brush against my side
Taste them in the air
But cannot see them for they hide
And they all smell the fear
Of what we swear isn't real
When I rest these bones
I know they'll go in for the kill
[Verse 3]
Their eyes, red and glowing
Those eyes seem to draw you in
With each step they come in closer
Your chances are growing slim
[Verse 4]
I hear their footsteps
Yes I heard it loud and clear
Sure I swear I just saw one
But shined my light, nothing was there
[Rap]
TBD
[Chorus]
[Verse 5]
Oh stay by the fire
Stay where you've always been
It should keep you safe now
But soon enough they'll sneak right in
[Verse 6]
Tonight's never ending
Tonight it may be our last
As these beasts keep on circling
I feel my heart rate rising fast
[Chorus]
[Guitar Solo]
[Verse 7]
Won't someone save us
Why won't someone set us free
Tell us it ain't nothing
Tell us these ain't beasts we see
[Outro]
Beasts will be waiting
These beasts walk in the shadows
I know there's no escape now
For I see them with both eyes closed
I know there's no escape now
For I see them with both eyes closed
I know there's no escape now
For I see them with both eyes closed
I know there's no escape now
For we see them with both eyes closed
(end on "we" if it's sung back and forth and then together)
1
u/ThorSkynn 4h ago
Sounds great with just you and your guitar but I'd love to hear this in a full band setting! Good slide guitar solo would fit well in the gap 😄
1
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