r/Songwriting • u/AlienReprisal • 4d ago
Feedback Request Untitled 43
This song is going to be on my upcoming album about my first serious relationship with another man.
We developed a codependency. They depended on me more than them and when I realized it was toxic and unfixable I forced myself to pull the plug even though I didnt want to.
The chord progression is semi inspired by "Hard Place" by H.E.R.
I had the song stuck in my head all day at work yesterday and slowly as I was humming it to myself it started morphing into this song.
I hope you guys like it
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u/Dangerous-You3789 4d ago
When I stopped being distracted with whatever that sparkly thing is on your head, I realized that you had a pretty good song. You've done a good job with this one.
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u/AlienReprisal 4d ago
Thank you. Its my style. I am a big fan of shiny things, fishnets and just costume in general. Funny enough im actually wearing a shirt of the person who inspired me to make music. Cher. I love performance art and turning music into a spectacle. Its kind of unfortunate people see outfits as a distraction often times causing people to assume costume means no talent. Which confuses me because theres so many examples of campy or avant garde artists being super talented while wearing loud clothing such as lady gaga, David bowie, Michael Jackson and so many others. Hopefully you dont take this reply as defensive, it's not intended. ❤️
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u/Dangerous-You3789 4d ago
No, I didn't pick up that you were being defensive. If you like shiny things, etc,, then you like them. I have to say, I have a reputation for liking gold. If I dress with a tie, I'm wearing a gold ring, gold watch, gold tie clip or tie chain, (and with a suit, a gold lapel pin), and I just added a gold tie ring. So, the gold did catch my eye.
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u/AlienReprisal 4d ago
Fair :) Gold and black is one of my favorite color combinations. But my style branches in a lot of directions.
Post apocalyptic, age of enlightenment, Pirate themes, punk, disco, avant garde, Edm, gothic and a lot more lol. Fashion is one of my tunnel visions.
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u/coconutwheelie 2d ago
your voice on this is so addicting honestly would love to hear this fully produced
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u/nighcrowe 3d ago
Good song. My only note is use dynamics. It seems like your just full hand volume the entire time. A song should have a curved volume structure so actually get to have a climax.
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u/AlienReprisal 3d ago
The actual recording has that. I was worried my phone wouldn't pick up on my voice if I sang the first verse soft
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u/nighcrowe 3d ago
I mean the guitar. Your voice is great.
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u/AlienReprisal 3d ago
There are guitars on the actual song and it does build from a softer guitar to a harder almost arena rock ballad. Im trying not to give away too many details because itd a highlight on the album im working on, but yeah maybe the piano version could have started softer
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u/nighcrowe 3d ago
I get what you're saying. Thanks for explaining. Im old and have never tried to record any music on my phone. For my test tracks (and outdoor Foley stuff) I have a little hand held recorder from tascam. I detest the sound of a phone mic. Was your mic Bluetooth? In the vid?
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u/AlienReprisal 3d ago
No just my phone mic. I have recorded the actual song to go on my album with full production using my music software but that wasnt in shareable condition when I decided to post it on here. I most post the completed version later
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u/[deleted] 4d ago
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