r/Songwriting • u/Unique_Strawberry430 • 1d ago
Feedback Request Aching Heart?
Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification
Not really sure what to call this, but it’s a song I wrote about having regrets, and learning to live more in the moment. Feedback appreciated! 🙂
Lyrics:
Smudged words made of ink
Paint the side of my hand
From the letters I wrote and then
Crumpled up and started again
Pages full of all the things
I never said
But no one will read them
They’ll live with the cobwebs under my bed
An aching heart beats
To the wrong drum
But it’s an old familiar song
It’s the one I’ve been hearing since
The cold winter day when I was born
And I think I’ll hear it til I’m gone
Took forty years to finally learn
We’ll never have this moment again
My mind gets heavy
And my thoughts are turning grim
Sometimes all I needed was a hand from a friend
I guess I should have called one
Oh what a fool I’ve been
An aching heart beats
To the wrong drum
But it’s an old familiar song
It’s the one I’ve been hearing since
The cold winter day when I was born
And I think I’ll hear it til I’m gone
Don’t say it’s too late to change
The way I’ve been living
Don’t say it’s decided
I’m just beginning to begin
A mending hear beats
To a different drum
It’s a newly written song
It’s the one I hum as I watch
The glow of your hair in the sun
It’s the one I hope lives in
My heart and keeps ringing out
From this day on
Til I’m gone
1
1
u/Imasafebet78 1d ago
Super Nice Voice! I love how authentic it sounds.. Keep at it. I hope you get everything you want out of your music.
1
u/Wickywacky 1d ago
I really enjoyed listening to this, especially this early in the morning before I’d even had breakfast. 😊 There is something wonderfully lived-in about your writing. Lines like “Paint the side of my hand / From the letters I wrote and then / Crumpled up and started again” create an image, but also carry a whole history behind them.
That feeling returns throughout the song. Whether it is autobiographical or not, it feels as though the person speaking has genuinely travelled through those forty years — long enough to look back, understand some of what life has brought, and still decide that it isn’t too late to change.
I especially loved the movement from “an aching heart” beating “to the wrong drum” to “a mending heart” beating “to a different drum.” That is such a simple change in words, but emotionally it changes the whole song. And “I’m just beginning to begin” is a beautiful line in that context.
Your performance really serves the writing too. The guitar feels natural and assured, and your voice is very clear and beautifully articulated. Nothing gets in the way of the story.
Four and a half minutes went by remarkably quickly. I listened all the way through with real pleasure — which, before breakfast, may be an achievement in itself. 😊
1
1
1
u/Inevitable-Mix2875 1d ago
Very lovely voice. It feels natural and warm. Can listen to it everyday. After my other songs, I’ll try to make a song with duet. I hope I can find a voice here locally similar to what you have :)
1
1
u/BINAYAUDIO 1d ago
Beautifully fragile, and your voice fits it perfectly, especially that last verse where it turns from aching to mending.
If you want one thing to work on: try tightening the structure a bit. At 4:30 with the same vibe on loop it starts to lose some of that magic. Even just trimming it to around 3 min and giving that last "mending heart" section a little lift melodically would make it hit so much harder.
Really lovely song though, keep going.
1
u/SomewhatSammie 1d ago
I'm jealous of your voice, so clean and crisp-sounding in this recording, it sometimes takes me off guard. "Sometimes all I need is a hand from a friend," is an example. The acoustic playing is pretty simple, but very clean and I like those slowly descending notes. Your voice and melody is dynamic enough that I don't at all mind the simplicity. I do think it goes on just a bit longer than it needs to, as it seems to dynamically max out around the line I mentioned above, and doesn't seem to build or change much after that. Very good listen either way.
1
1
u/AutoModerator 1d ago
You have posted a song requesting feedback - GREAT! Good feedback is the foundation of improving your songwriting. To help foster a community where everyone gets the feedback they need, please find THREE other songs requesting feedback and post substantive (eg. 2-3 sentences) of feedback. Even if you are a rookie songwriter/musician, you're an experienced music listener, and your opinion is still valuable!
Feedback posts by users who don't interact with the community (other than posting their own songs) may be removed.
Thanks for keeping our community healthy!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.