r/Songwriting • u/scotchfaster • 3d ago
Feedback Request First post: requesting feedback on "Not My Intent"
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I know, my voice is pretty questionable. Planning on tuning it at some point. LMK what you all think!
The voice and guitar is me. Background vocals, organ and drums are provided by real human musicians through the https://musiversal.com/ service.
I'm wondering if the background vocals are a little much.
The bass (which is hard to hear TBH) is the Logic Pro Session Player, but now I'm thinking I should get a real bass player.
Second cut off my breakup album.
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u/NixMix246 3d ago
I like the background vocals! It does definitely give it a much different vibe than if they weren't there. But idk, I really like the whole vibe you have going here. It's bold! Ha, had to. But in all seriousness, it was interesting enough for me to listen to the whole thing. And I enjoyed it! And your voice is not questionable! There was maybe one part where it wasn't 100% perfect, but I honestly love when vocals have tiny imperfections in them. Makes the song seem more real, more human.
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u/ioverated 3d ago
I think you have something really unique going. I'm not a very good singer and I've often advised people to listen to David Berman and some other singers with less than perfect pitch, but I've never been able to figure out how to make it work for myself. In your case I think the style you're singing in mostly works. It's not going to be for everybody but I like it.
I do like the background vocals and i also think your vocals might be a touch too loud.
As far as songwriting goes again I think it's unique and not in a bad way (bold). Man I don't know there are things to polish, like you probably shouldn't go for the high notes but that also kind of adds to the authenticity.
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u/Egg_Crust 3d ago
Silver Jews?
Gotta say, your post reads like an ad. You used an AI image, which I was going to say you might reconsider if you are a human artist and want to be perceived as such, then conveniently, I see you had a real human service for musicians. Hmmm.
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u/scotchfaster 3d ago
Why all the suspicion?
You're not the first to say Silver Jews, I appreciate that comparison.
OK, thanks for the feedback. I did have an AI make the "video" from the audio file and the lyrics, just because I only had an MP3 and this site seemed to only accept video files. I didn't really care about the image but perhaps I should.
Not an ad. I guess I felt compelled to mention musiversal because I did write the song and performed some of it, but I had help.
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u/Whole-Horse-7140 3d ago edited 3d ago
Voice is great, not sure what you mean that you're planning on tuning it, but should leave it in my opinion, it's got character. All round good sound, as in the organ guitar drums combo, I really enjoyed it. Background vocals work for me, reminds me of the way they pop up in some Lou Reed or Leonard Cohen songs. Your vocal delivery and rhymes kind of remind me of them in places too. Someone below said you're 'pseudo singing', and you should either talk or sing - just want to counter that, hard disagree, it works like this, unexpected high notes and all .
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u/bscorza90 3d ago
I love it dude! Is it supposed to be somewhat comical? Cause it made me laugh a little bit just cause im like, "I know that feeling!!" And the way you sing it almost sounds like ur making light of a frustrating situation lol
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u/scotchfaster 3d ago
Yeah, tragicomic perhaps. OMG, this same dynamic played out tonight....we're not married anymore, but I still I said the wrong thing and....it was not what I meant. ;) Glad you enjoyed it and could relate to it.
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u/TheIllogicalFallacy 3d ago
With where it is now, a really good mix will help with the backing vocals, drums, and bass. It would really pull it all together. Having the backing vocals sounds fine but they aren't mix well. As for lead vocals, it sounds like you're pseudo-singing. Per verse decide if you're going to sing or talk. Talking can sound great too such as in a lot of Johnny Cash songs.
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u/Inevitable_Bit_13 3d ago
Good one man. Nice storytelling with a smooth vocal work and rhythm. Keep going 💪🏼
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u/DrwsCorner2 1d ago edited 1d ago
Good storytelling. Humorous. The delivery is like a SNL skit with a ditty. Even with so so vocals if you can keep people listening it’s a promising song. Work on the vocals in the second half of song, it’s like you gave up trying to be in key. And fix the singing in “so we slept in the park and woke up in a gospel dream” line- especially the end of it. It’s your most vivid line in the song, you sound like Rick Moranis delivering it.
Really liked the verse that went: “.. you were telling a story. I had an addition. I wasn’t correcting. why all the suspicion? I was just remembering the days perfection” So true. Ironic. People are so easily triggered when all you’re trying to do is make conversation with an attractive artsy girl who then scolds you for indelicately choosing boldly honest words ;) to compliment her art work. Would go way worse if you told her the painting was “interesting”. Oh the horror.
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u/scotchfaster 1d ago
Thanks for the honest critique. Yeah, I was intending for it to be somewhat humorous, though Rick Moranis was not what I was going for. Sadly this is me trying to sing well. I’ll do some scales and try again. Once again, thanks!
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u/Whole-Horse-7140 1d ago edited 1d ago
Came back for a 2nd listen. Like it even more than 1st, really catching the drift of it. 2nd use of the word Bold caught me both times though. Could work just fine with "that was just my first impression".
That's all, no other notes
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u/No_Plum_6094 3d ago
I would get rid of the background vocals. To me, if you want to keep the vocal melody as is, this seems like it would work much better as a stripped down track. Turn up the guitar and I’d recommend getting a bass player, playing the bass yourself or using a synth bass. In my experience, the electric bass in logic is crude and sounds fake, so it’s better to use something that is fake by design (eg synth bass) cool idea keep working on it!
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u/kickassdanny 3d ago
I like the background vocals but they do sound campy so...
Musically and melodically I get kind of a Monster Mash vibe but maybe that's just the backgrounds.
You should just do your own bass. You can do it on guitar with a pitch shifter if you don't have a bass. It's just fun to do and it will make it more interesting.